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Hi all.... I often quote the words from my wise old sponsor Don, who has since passed away.... I was looking for something in my garage the other day, and inadvertently came across a few of the e-mails that he had sent me years ago, as he helped me find my way in my Al-Anon recovery. The one copied below is a wonderful example of what he helped teach me - about balance, life, etc.... I hope it can bring some good to many of you out there, as I always found him uplifting and most helpful....
Take care Tom
(from June 13, 2003)
Dear Tom,
First, let me point out that we can overdo many things. CODA, Al- Anon, the recovery center, stories of other people in recovery and all that stuff simply does sound like a bit too much. Maybe you have put so much time trying to identify your problem that you have over identified it and havent spent time just living even though you are not in bed with a woman -- your AW or otherwise.
The trick is to count your blessings, to learn to be grateful for what you do have. You have a good job, I assume, a couple of cute and sweet kids, and if nothing else a sober wife. Al-Anon, CODA, The Recovery program (is it Edgewood or whatever), Church, Bible Studies, etc. are not going to do what you have to do for TOM.
It is like looking for the perfect pill -- the one that cures all ills. Nothing will cure you, take away the irritants around you, make life easier, or make you happy but your own effort. God has granted us life and choice. Merely because there is a God and there is Life is not enough. We, as human beings have to make choices. There is a saying that is purportedly in the AA Big Book, Would you rather be RIGHT or HAPPY? Being RIGHT is not a happy choice.
Tomorrow never comes, so we make plans for tomorrow TODAY. It is plan making, not whether they work that counts. You see, tomorrow when they dont work, we have a new opportunity to Make Plans. This is what positive thinking is about.
All too often, we go around counting what we do not have. Then we look for the worst ways to get it like buying more lottery tickets etc. The real way to get things is to take a positive realistic look at ourselves and where we are, not a negative look at everything else and decide that those things are not satisfying our needs. They probably wont. So here I am living in a nice house with my wife of 51 years and I have some friends, many not Al-Anon friends and I accept what happens rather than try to fix what I think ought to be fixed which I can do nothing about. I have learned to be happy in spite of flat tires, the electricity going off, the air conditioner losing freon, and the roof leaking. I have fancy hurricane shutters and we are going away for a few weeks in the hurricane season. Believe me I can have the hurricane shutters put up in 10 minutes. It takes very little to do. I paid more than $8,000 for that convenience, yet I feel a lot better about having them. They do not make the storm go away but they do help when there is a storm.
Frankly it is nicer finding out what is going to happen next when it happens rather than worrying about it. Wm Shakespeare said in the speach made by Marcus Antonius (Mark Anthony) about Julius Caesar over his body. He said Cowards die many times before their deaths -- the valiant die only once. This means that we can kill ourselves many times thinking about the negatives that can happen. This is really dying over and over again.
I had to learn to live and today there is almost no depression even though I do have moments of return to the old ways. I have to keep trying. I have to learn to live like the happy dog. Step on his tail and he goes, YIPE, YIPE, Yipe, Yipe, Ylpe, ylpe, yipe. When the smarting tail smarts a lot less he comes back wagging it and looking for love. This is a happy dog. I am a happy human being.
IF I am spending my time worrying about what if, if only, and what is going to happen next, I am blinding myself to what is going on now. Now is all I have and I sure do not want to waste it on things that either havent happened or will not happen but COULD happen. Spend some time meditating as well as praying. Forget the Hallelujahs and Praised be the Lord and start praying, God, I am one of your creatures looking to do my best. Please help me do just that so that life will be worth living again. Then sit very quietly for a while and turn off the thinker in the brain. Relax. See what happens.
Love and hugs,
DonK
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 20th of October 2010 03:26:03 PM
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks Tom! That was great. Thought I would share in return. Now this is from the AA newsletter in my new fellowship and it isn't very "soft", but I tend to lean toward that drill sargeant mentality. I printed it out and read it daily.
FACE IT!!!!!!
Nobody owes you a living. What you achieve or fail to achieve in your lifetime is directly related to what you do or fail to do. No one chooses his parents or childhood, but you can choose your own direction in life. Everyone has problems and obstacles to overcome. Excuses are for losers. Nothing is carved in stone. You can change anything in your life. That, too, is relative to each individual...if you want it badly enough.
Those who take responsibility for their actions are the real winners in life. Winners meet lifes challenges head on, knowing there are no guarantees, and give it all theyve got. Never think its too late or too early to begin. Time plays no favorites and will pass whether you act or not.
Take control of your life. Dare to dream and take risks.
Compete.
If you are not willing to work for your goals, dont expect others to!
Above all, believe in yourself!!! --
Anonymous
As always, thanks for the share and the wonderful wisdom. I see your sponsor living through you often. It is a great compliment to him and a wonderful program.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I believe in God, and I believe in human decency. But I firmly believe that any man's finest hour --- his greatest fulfillment to all he holds dear -- is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle -- victorious.
over identifying, just living, count your blessings, the perfect pill, making the choice to be happy, opportunities, positive thinking, look at ourselves and not everything/one else, being happy in spite of, letting go of worry, daily death of negativity, keep trying, learn to live, blinders of worry, meditate, pray, do your best, relax...
Thanks for sharing these wonderful nuggets of wisdom.
