The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'll start by saying that we had a pretty calm, relatively alcohol free weekend. Tonight, however, is AH's bowling league night which ALWAYS involves beer to some extent. These are the nights that AH doesn't worry about hiding the fact that he has been drinking because he knows that I already expect it. These are also usually the nights that involve confrontations and other alcohol related behaviors. It also usually leads to hiding drinking for the next day or two or three or whatever. I am having increasing difficulty handling these binges especially regarding my children but also personally. Tonight the girls will be asleep before AH gets home so they are typically unaware of any of the goings on for these nights - and I thank God for that. I have been reading "Getting Them Sober" but I certainly don't have a grasp on it yet. There are no face to face meetings in my area according the web link. But quite honestly, in order to go to a face to face meeting, I would have to leave my children with AH and trust him not to be drinking and I can't/won't do that. I hope all this worry turns out to be unwarranted but history tells me otherwise. Thanks for listening as that alone has helped me. Just having a place to "speak" my fears and concerns is more than I've had before.
Hi there.... F2f meetings are important, if you can get there - some even have associated daycare during the meeting, or perhaps you could leave the kids with a friend for an hour??
The fears you are experiencing are just that - fears of what might/will happen.... Try thinking it in terms of you need all your wits/strength/energy to focus on the "whats", rather than wasting precious moments of your life/sanity focussing & projecting on what "might" happen....
Sounds like a great night for you to be cozied up in bed, reading and re-reading your GTS book.... :)
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Assume he will be drinking and do the opposite to what you normally do , if you ask that question ? have u been drinking = don't . If he tries to pick a fight to justify his behavior instead of arguing walk away . Just do the opposite of what u usually do and it has to work out differently . good luck Louise
Thank you all for reading. Last night went okay and I spent a bit of time reading GTS and realized that I think I am more worried about him going on a binge because it is then that I really start to realize that I need to make some changes. It scares me because I think of leaving him and what it would do to the kids and stuff and so I would rather he didn't continue drinking because then I wouldn't have to do anything. I am starting to realize that even when he is sober for a few days - he is still an alcoholic and I need to accept that and figure out how I want to move on from that fact. When AH is sober, we have an absolutely amazing relationship and I don't want to lose that but I feel pieces of it slip away each time he drinks. He refuses AA (he did it once before about 15 years ago) because he feels it's Christian based and even though he believes in God and all, doesn't want that to be the basis for his recovery program. Not sure where to go from here. Considering taking the girls and going to church to see if I can gain some clarity. I haven't gone in years but I need help and there aren't any Alanon meetings in my area.
I wish I could write the 'perfect words of wisdom' here but I'm very new to all of this.
I can relate to how you're feeling. My W and I have always had an amazing connection and a wonderful relationship. Unfortunately, each time she drinks it's like a little bit of the connection erodes away and is replaced by anger and resentment.
Al Anon as helped me start to see things more clearly. I think that there are online meetings here if you can't get to a f2f meeting.
