The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Had a tough week last week. Little has changed. Husband hasn't changed and neither has the way I respond to him. I just about lost it with him and now I'm discouraged that I failed to keep my composure not only with him but with other family members thru out the week I didn't go to the Al-Anon meeting last week and don't know if I'm going to this week? I'm still not comfortable being a part of these meetings. I just don't feel ready to open up so sit there feeling a bit uncomfortable. Well, that's my vent for this week.
The disease of alcoholism and our reaction to, it does not get better or go away.
It is unrealisitic to expect that you would be able to respond differently when you have not picked up the tools that can help you take care of yourself in this situation.
If you are not comfortable in meetings try the meetins here, Get the literature, Use the slogans, live one day at a time, focus on yourself, pray, make gratitude lists and come here and share
Thank you. I am trying to get into the meetings here but I haven't been able to. I think I will need to update java or set my security system to accept this site. I was supposed to have done that already but haven't had time to play around with it. Perhaps this site will help me to gain understanding and make me more comfortable with live meetings.
The greatest thing about this program, this life, etc - today is the first day of the rest of your life!!!! I don't say that frivolously - if you're disappointed in YOU thus far, make plans to change things going forward.... Setting small, achievable goals, is a wonderful first step, and helps you think in more positive thoughts.....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
lighten up dori your human give yourself some slack some days this truly is too much for us / please when u go to your meetings start talking its the only way they can help you , take a chance what your doing is not working .Hang in there dont give up on yourself yet . If you bought our OdAT our first daily reader go the page on july 14th do what it says to the best of your ability and your life will get easier .. that page changed my life . Louise
-- Edited by abbyal on Tuesday 19th of October 2010 01:09:13 AM
Hi Dori, I wanted to respond to you bc seems we're all in the same place with conflict right now, and I am working hard to understand how to deal with nyself in places of conflict.
I like what everyone has said to you...great awesome advice!
It;s true for me anyways...learning to see myself as human when my program is only PROGRESS and not PERFECTION has been really good for my ego. My program will only ever be progress...I understand that now.
And people who cause me to have these reactions (less politely...people who peeve me off lol...)I see as my teachers. So, for example, last night I had a very good friend, who has gone through allot and is definitely quialified for this program, blew up at me for something silly and related to his enormous control issues. Instead of backing down, crumbling or doing any of those things I may have done in the past (like try to make the peace when sometimes peace is not warranted!!)...I spoke up for myself, without loosing my temper.
I was able to tell my friend that I loved him unconditionally (this is a first) and that I would always love him, but that what he had said and done was not ok with me, had hurt my feelings, and I was goign to go and be quiet before reacting because if I reacted I may say something damaging, which woujld not be my intention.
wow. and I said it without crying or trying to make anyone RESCUE ME so that the rest of the conflicrt would be belayed...does that make sense? Another useless thing learned from growing up in an A home that has to be dropped ... sigh. every conflict and every difficult situation brings me HUGE awarenesses about myself and my own beliefs if I stay open..which isn't easy as you know.
I was ONLY able to do this BECAUSE of what i have learned here...I am learning to NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY! The moment I am able to step back and see that NOTHING that someone says to me is really about me..it is a total and complete reflection of how they are feeling about THEMSELVES, the sting of conflict is
I am more objective about myself and my life now. This is a miracle.
There is great peace to be found here in following the experience of others and sugeestions of the prgram. You know what they say about the steps...they're just a suggestion...like a parachute is a SUGGESTION when you're jumping from an airplane at 10,000 feet lol...
If you can manage...maybe try our online meeting. It is such an amazing place, and the people are so terrific. You wont feel nervous at all with us. I am on every morning at 9:00 or 9:30 if you want to meet up an dhave a virtual coffee :)
I know when I got here I was way over my limit. I think its a tall order to try to negotiate a way out when you are on overwhelm. Nevertheless venting to people who understand can be a great help. The chat room here is available and I found it a great resource when I first got here. I also found looking through the archives here a resource. You can literally follow someone's recovery that way and see how they changed.
I am not sure any of us hasn't slipped into our old ways now and again. I sure know I have and do. Do try and get to the Alanon meetings as you are having trouble getting to our online meetings. Hopefully you can update your jave But in truth we do stay stuck or get sicker if we don't work our program. It's okay to sit there and listen until you start to feel more comfortable. I know I listened, listened and listened somemore. I heard things I didn''t want to hear or accept at the time. But it was important to hear them anyway because they became much clearer down the road. Glad that you posted, be a little gentler on yourself, we are only human we make human errors. But in working the program we learn to identify those errors a little quicker each time and can take a step back and go from there. Blessings
Thanks for the encouragement. I discovered it's my security system that is blocking chat saying it has insecure components. I allowed it anyway, got in, typed a couple of words and was cut off right after, meaning I was no longer able to type in the chat area. Does anyone know how I can fix this?
Had a tough week last week. Little has changed. Husband hasn't changed and neither has the way I respond to him. I just about lost it with him and now I'm discouraged that I failed to keep my composure not only with him but with other family members thru out the week I didn't go to the Al-Anon meeting last week and don't know if I'm going to this week? I'm still not comfortable being a part of these meetings. I just don't feel ready to open up so sit there feeling a bit uncomfortable. Well, that's my vent for this week. 