The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AS is in drug rehab, he has visiting privileges on Sunday's.
When I visit him he does everything he can to upset me, pull me into his drama of his drug use, that has given our family so much pain. We have tried to help him but until he wants recovery we can't make it happen for him.
When I get home I am a wreck and already dreading the next Sunday that he gets visits. I try not to show how much he gets to me, but I am breaking down at home something awful and the depression is getting very hard for me to deal with.
My son is an addict. Has been to jail several times for probabtion violations and sits there today in thier rehab unit. The first couple of tiimes he went to jail and I visited or he called on the phone he would do all he could to pick fights etc and I would leave totally drained and upset. Finally on one visit he started in with me.... I cut him off and told him I did not come here to waste my time fighting with him, that it was very upsetting to me. I told him to call me when or if he was ready to have a civil conversation. On the phone if he started in with me I told him as these are collect calls I am not wasting my money to listen to him treat me like crap and to call back when he is again ready to be civil and I hung up. I did not answer any of his calls for over a week. I am here to tell you I just had to do this once on each instance and he never again said anything to upset me or blame me or whatever. He has been in jail for quite some time now and I love my son more than life itself. But he needs to feel the consequenese of his behavior so although it is not that far we see him once monthly and he can call home once or twice a month and we exhange letters. He needs to concentrate on his program and doesn't need us holding his hand every step of the way. He need to learn how to stand on his own. You can have boundaries also with your son. You are there to visit and support him you do not have to accept his unacceptable behavior. You have the power to stand up tell your son you love him and for him to let you know when he is ready to have a cival conversation and then you will be back. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your own needs. Trust me you are going to need to be strong when he gets out of rehab. If you choose to use this tactic that i did once you get up to leave do not turn back as he will try to get you to come back saying he's sorry blah blah blah. Keep on walking and he will get the message very fast. I know it sounds cruel, just writing it makes me feel bad, but I will be treated with respect and if my son can't show me respect or simple courtesy than I don't need to put myself in that situation Hope that was somewhat helpful that was just my experience that worked for me Blessings to you and your son
