I read about the A's radar when you start to move on with your life. I think I read about it in Getting Them Sober. The minute I started to really believe that I am going to be ok with or without him, my ah calls me out of the blue, after not speaking for three weeks. 
I have never been able to detach without anger. I have always just started an argument with my ah so that I don't have to deal with him because I had no tools to deal with it.
My ah came to my house this weekend to see us.  This is the first time his actions did not bother me. I am not dwelling on specific things he said. I was able to recognize the disease talking.
Now I must say that I did become very angry at him yesterday. It lasted about thirty minutes. I just kept turning it over and praying. I really wanted him to leave. I just took care of myself by eating because I was hungry, then I took it easy on myself. I kept being angry at the disease, not him.
When I settled down, we ended up having a really good time.
This weekend instead of cancelling all my plans just because he was coming to see us, I went through with all my plans. That is another thing I would do is cancel everything I had going for me just because he was around.
Today I am not drained emotionally. I am not sitting around moping and depressed because of something he said to me. I have really dwelled on things he has said to me for months at a time. There are still a few things I remember, but overall, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and a fog has been cleared from my brain.
I appreciated the thread about detachment. It has helped me so much. Hope everyone has a great evening.