Dayna

Hello and welcome !
Please know that all of us here has struggled with another persons alcoholism or addiction. Even if we are not living with it day to day we see other family members who may be living it 24/7 and want to jump in and fix the situation.
Many of us here grew up in a dysfunctional homes or live in dysfunctional homes and we take on the role of being the "fixers". We feel the need to fix anything or anyone we see as broken. And it sounds as though that what you are trying to do with your sister. You see the solution, give her advice that you are sure is best for her. And darn if these people don't take our advice and do the exact opposite of what we have advised. Sheesh I mean you gave her the answer you think she needs and supported her decision to have her husband leave the home. But now she has changed her mind and you know this is not whats best for her. Very frustrating I know. Believe me been there done that.
As already suggested definitly find an alanon meeting in your area or join us here online for our twice daily meetings. We get so involved on other peoples lives we lose ourselves in them and all of a sudden we are living thier lives instead of our own.
It sounds like you have enough on your plate right now without needing the added burden of trying to "fix" someone else.
Yes your sister is probably someone you don't know right now....if she has not yet found her own recovery in alanon then she is still struggling with trying to rationalize with an irrationable disease. When we live with this disease we become just as sick if not sicker than the alcoholic/addict. We lose ourselves trying to fix them or control them.
Maybe you can suggest to your sister that you attend meetings together if your sister is resitant then she's not ready.
But it sounds like you are ready to find your own recovery. Even though your A's may be in your past you still carry the affects of living with this disease.
You have found the right place for love and support and will certainly benefit from the experiences of others.
No one here will judge you or tell you what to do. As you work the program you will find your own answers that work for you and that will be supported by everyone here. What works for one of us doesn't nessesarily work for another. But as you grow in the program you will learn new behaviors and coping skills that will be priceless to you. If you have children as you grow and become healthy they will follow your cue and learn healthy coping skills. I would give anything of i could turn back the clock and have found Alanon when my children were younger so I didn't pass on my dysfunctions to them.
Notice I haven't said to much about how to "fix" your sister's situation...the reason for that is as much as you want her to make the decision you feel is right for her....you will learn quickly here that you are powerless over all people and things except YOURSELF. Your sister is going to do as she pleases for whatever reasons she has rationalized in her head. Nothing you say or do will change that.... your sister deserves better...she doesn't seem to think so right now. Just try and think about someone trying to tell you what to do....you would think, your a grown adult and can make your own decisions and in the end you will do what YOU think is right for you. Your sister is doing the same.
Please join us for our meetings if you can and i know for me in the beginning i was a little to shy to share right away so I listened to the others who had walked before me and although at first I didn't understand all the steps or concepts of alanon I listened intently to every share because you never know what someone will say that will click for you.
I was pretty sick by the time i crawled thru these doors the first thing I learned was about self care which I knew nothing about...i had always been someones daughter, sister wife, mother and I knew how to take care of everyone but myself. But I learned what we call HALT.
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When ever i found my self losing control or obssesing about the A's in my life I would run through that list and figure out what is was that I needed to do for me to get back in control. For me I was usually Hungry or Tired both of which lead to added stress. So I would eat even if I didn't feel like it and I would rest ( and usually pray at the same time). Learning HALT in the beginning of my recovery saved my life for sure.
Ok i'm sure i have bored you to death by now
I hope you start your recovery soon
Blessings

Dayna Hi and thank you for your post.  Welcome, you sure are in the right place.  It is hard to watch a loved on put themselves in harms way espcially when we have been there ourselves.  You could have talked to me till I was blue in the face about what a bad choice I made and it wouldnt have meant zero to me and I thought you just didnt understand.  sheesh lol.........point being, everyone does what they want period.  The best thing you can do for yourself is work on your own recovery...our own recovery does aid in the recovery of others in ways you may never know or ever see.  It is her life and detaching from her choices is the best thing you can do.  With alanon you will learn all sorts of new coping skills that for me I never knew existed.  I hope you keep coming back, thank you. :)