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My very sharp and pain in the butt therapist (I joke about that of course, she's just helping me identify things that I have to work on) has brought up a topic that I need to examine and thought I'd see what some of you have experienced. My social relationships are somewhat impaired. While I'm a good person and very sociable I have this perspective of seeing people as 1. interchangeable parts - If I can't be with one, anyone will do. 2. I seem to first put people, especially women I like, on a pedestal and then look for flaws to make myself feel better about myself. 3. In past relationships, including my marriage I put women on a pedestal, get to know them better and feel more detached instead of more intimate. Therapist pointed out that it seems the better I'd get to know them the LESS interested I seemed to be. I believe this to be a self defense mechanism. I can't be hurt by someone I see as "flawed anyway".
This all seems to fall under the "problems with intimacy" banner. I'm rushing through my thoughts here for a variety of reasons. I'll have to think this through more but I think these are the basics.
Daughter is call me, have to go...more comments later!
I think your post is very interesting ( as I find all your posts interesting) It is clear to me that you have your wife on a pedestal despite her actions as you so often deffer to her needs and wants. In reality the only person ( enity) that should be on a pedestal is our HP. Who ever that may be for you. Humans are flawed, each and everyone one of us. And as flawed individuals we will disappoint people, let them down and hurt others ( knowingly or un knowingly) I find it interesting tho that while you put women on a pedestal then go about dissecting thier human characteristics and defects to make yourself feel beter, I may disagree with that reason. I think (my opinion only) you do that to prepare yourself for disappointment of rejection. Then you can look back and say well they were ______ fill in the blank in order to protect your feelings. I also find it intersting that you speak of the opposite sex in terms of always an intimate relationship. I am sure i will catch flack for this...but do you ever just think about having a "friendship" with a female. No intamacy involved. I am sure a lot of people think that this isn't possible...that men and women can't just be friends and maybe I am a freak of nature or something. But almost all my closests friends are male, they have been all my life as I grew up unable to trust most women. But anyway I have many friends and confidents that are male and have no physical attraction towards them at all. In fact I usually know thier wives, my husband knows them and we double date or whatever then they become my husbands friends too. Relationships between men & women is not an all or nothing deal. In my opinion ( again just me here) why not try a friednship with a woman.....someone who likes you for who you are but has no expectaions of it being anything more than a friendship. I have gained great insight into the male mind from my friends and in turn can explain to them how a womans mind works. I might add here my husband has female friends and we have an open and honest relationship so neither of us feels threatened by having friends of the oppsite sex all of this is just my experience but maybe give you food for thought. Blessings
