The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here I sit, Once more, with Tears Streaming down my face for yet another loss to this disease, my step sis & bro, have just lost their Afather this morning... I just got the call from my step mom, I yet again, find myself Helpless, Upset, and PISSED...
This man was like many with this disease, Kind hearted, Caring, Father of 3, but his defect was... He was an alcoholic... He and my Afather have shared many of things, including a wife, and yet they never was mad at the other for it, they just kept living their everyday, remained friends, and drinking their Drug of choice....
I hate it, I can't Cure it, Didn't Cause it... But that doesn't make my heart ache any less for the loss of his life... It doesn't help that his youngest daughter is currantly pregnant with her 1st Baby, and now will never have the chance for her baby to know this man... I hate this disease... I hate what it does to a family, I hate what it has done to MY Family, I hate what it allows people to become, and what they turn into, and at times... I Hate Myself because of it...
I am not one that likes the word "Hate" and yet here I am throwing it around like an ol saylor...
So Far, out of the 8 friends my Afather had... In the Last 2 years, I have watched 4 of them be put in the ground.. and there is 2 more, not far behind... I mean they are dropping like fly's, and yet, NO ONE wants that Change, My God Don't Take the Booze, because you can see what a Benifit it is... Right???? I mean, I just don't get it...
I have been in program for going on 2 years, and I So Get the Benifit of this group and could not be more grateful of the steps, and strides that i have taking to get were I am, BUT DAMN!!!! yea know, maybe if just one of them would be 60, maybe 70 it would be more exceptable to me, but there not, So far all have been in their 50's and yet tho there is So much more to life, these 4 will never know, alcohol never gave them that chance...
My Afather was lucky enough to "See" his grandkids, and have them ALL within 5 miles of his home... And of the 4... He knew 2 of thier names currectly, the other two..(Abrothers kids). He never did no... but would tell you he did...this is the disease that took ALL those things from him, from us!!!... At the hand of his own choices... Thats where I struggle... "At the Hands of His Own Choices"....
Just Soooo Not in a good place right now, just grateful I don't have anywere to be...
If you could please send prayers to my step-familly Jade & Justin, and their family's...
Thanks for listening... Most grateful for be here with you all...
It is so sad and I hope I never accept or take lives loss to this disease lightly. My heart goes out ot you, Jade, Justin and their family. There is nothing wrong with hating the disease and loving the person.
Being an addict is not a choice. I read what you shared, of course if it was a choice he would have stopped a long time ago as would all Addicts.
It is horrible, I am so sad for all your grief. I can tell you many people do die at 50 and in their fifties from their lifes past behavior and health.
Leaves so many loved ones behind. sending you love,deb
