The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On the 28th September 2010 I reached the summit of Ben Nevis in Scotland - it just happens to be the highest mountain in the British Isles. (4,406ft) MINUS 71 degrees with winds gusting up to 50mph.
I crept up that mountain like a snail with the aid of poles and I came down it like a crab - sideways steps because my left knee would not let me lead with my right leg (imagine coming downstairs one foot at a time bringing the other leg down to the same step each time). IT WAS SLOW GOING. My right shoulder would not let me take the weight on it so I had to use my right arm for balance and take all my weight onto my left arm alone.
It took 11 hours in total to do the 4,406ft and ten miles hike and I could NOT open up my fingers to let go of my poles at the end because my arthritis had locked them tight. BUT I DID IT and TEAM NEVIS never left my side!
Why did I do it...
because all my life it has been on my mind to do it after being told of the beauty and majesty of the Highlands by my beloved Grandmother. She gave me the longing and at 60 years old I MADE IT.
How did I do it... BY NOT WORRYING ABOUT IT AND JUST DOING IT.
On the way up I could not stop smiling as I concentrated simply one step at a time, keeping a measured and timely pace. I did not look to the summit -well, to be honest I could not see the summit as it was well and truly enveloped in cloud. I simply knew I was going to make it despite the last ten years of ill health, and multiple surgeries on both feet, my lower back and a couple of other more intense lots of surgery.
I have arthritis in my feet, and my knees, and my hands. I am recovering from a disastrous fall from two years ago that has left me with a painful Minuscule tear in my left knee and I am receiving treatment for "Painful Arc Syndrome" in my right shoulder due to another fall that gave me a splinter fracture at the top of my right arm and a rotary cuff tear in that shoulder for which I have been receiving treatment since March. My doctor miraculously got me in at the Physiotherapist just 14 days before my ascent. SHE BELIEVED in me as did three other friends who had been training with me and encouraging me to make my dream a reality. TEAM NEVIS was backing me all the way...step by step...inch by inch.
I have spent most of the last seven years on crutches and had to learn to walk again. This mission of mine therefore had a lot of weight behind it and during the last ten years as my health deteriorated I began to think that I would NEVER be able and fit to hill-walk let alone climb a mountain.
Ben Nevis was my dream...and I did not want to let go of it, and when my son told me three years ago that he had just completed the famous Three Peaks in 24hours course as a leader...he actually did more than that as a leader as he had to carry one girl down Ben Nevis because she injured her hip, and then went back up for her two friends who were in difficulties too...I was very proud and happy for him.
I made a mistake because in my joy I shared my lifelong dream that I would also climb that mountain and his answer was, "Mum, don't be silly you cannot do it. 1-you are not fit enough, 2 - your body would not cope with it, and 3 - you are just too old to do anything of that nature now after your health history."
I was bitterly disappointed and saddened, and for a while I let that keep my dream as a dream...after all, I did not want to be a burden to anyone and I certainly did not want to do it if in reality it would mean that I would put others at risk and need mountain rescue to get me DOWN as my son believed would be the reality.
Maybe he was right. Am I too old, will my body et me down, will I cause havoc because of having no toe joints in both feet that make balance difficult? Perhaps I will not be able to build up my stamina enough to conquer 4,406ft and reach that summit in the sky? I am in cloud-cuckoo land with my head in the clouds. What if someone else gets injured because of me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I have to get mountain-rescue out? What if? What if? What if...worry worry worry!
WHOA - where did that come from? You are letting the worry take away your power. OWN IT, RISE ABOVE the WORRY. TAKE BACK THE POWER and...think...stop....regroup...don't let others take away your dreams...YOU are in CONTROL of your LIFE...don't let negative people pull you down girl, especially not your son...so he does not believe in you...so what...YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!! Hey and what'smore you are the mother of a fourth generation Royal Marine...remember their slogan..."It's all in the state of the mind." YOU CAN DO IT, if you BELIEVE in yourself.
During the next three years I steadfastly held on to that and with a dogged determination I mentally made it my GOAL that would enable me to FINALLY climb out of the pit of despond that a violent twenty year marriage to with an alcoholic had entrenched me in. This was going to be my nemisis and I was going to WIN and crush all that had gone before. After all that my body has seemed to react badly by breaking down my resistance, my health, my will, my self worth, my belief, and my stamina...and left me on crutches for so long. I asked myself this - am I prepared to stay a prisoner in my own home or am I going to do something to build up my stamina, break through this pattern of ill health and surgery believe in myself, give myself back my life and gain my freedom from all once and for all?
YES, YES, YES.
How? BY NOT WORRYING ABOUT IT AND JUST DOING IT.
This is what I did:
1I defined my situation clearly and wrote out what exactly I was worried about and I was very specific. Now was the time to brutally assess my worries.
2I faced the worst that could happen...I might not make it to the top...so what...I was going to give it my all and getting myself in training and going for it could only be good for me, by stamina and my general health.
3I was resolved to accept the outcome, what ever it was. I acknowledged that most stress comes from denial and my not being willing to face the worst that could happen...however, I realised that once I had accepted the worst scenario the worry of what might or might not happen lost power over me. I found myself in a position of POWER over the WORRY. I was BACK IN CONTROL...worry was NOT IN CONTROL OF ME.
4I had to work to improve my situation and a began believing in myself and training in earnest.
QUOTE - "Chance favours those in motion." - James H. Austin - neurologist
Okay James, I was going to set myself in motion, step by painful step. You just see.
5And I gave my problem to God (my Higher Power). Here's where that wonderful Serenity Prayer comes into its own once more.
During the six months that followed, I took control and I started to believe in myself and I found that it was working. At first it was slow as my last surgery on my right foot was in October of last year and the consultant said it would take six months to recover in order to being walking again.
So, in April with my doctor right behind me I began my journey and I stopped worrying and I started doing.
This was MY MOUNTAIN and I was going to conquer it and conquer all the ghosts from my past...they were no longer a power over me, I had the power to do something for me and I was going to make it because I wanted others to gain from my struggle and my VICTORY.
So, now I am raising money for very sick children in our famous Great Ormond Street Hospital. Each foot I climbed meant another £+ for those children. My victory would mean nothing if I could not make it work for others as well. And I not only wanted to conquer my fears, I wanted that mountain for myself and I wanted it for a purpose...I would raise money for parents and loved ones to be close to those darling, courageous, often desperately sick children that they too might climb their very own mountains to health or at least be comforted during their times of trial after my surgeon told me that those who do not have visitors or family or loved one to be close take longer to recover and sometimes give up because they are alone. I had frequently found myself in this situation and if that applied to me then I wanted to make sure I did something for those darling courageous children. This money will go to help and enable them to have visitors and support from loved ones at their bedsides, God willing I made it.
I DID IT BECAUSE I OWNED IT AND I BELIEVED IN ME AND I TOOK THE POWER AWAY FROM MY WORRIES and by the grace of God.
I believe you can all take control by grasping that power and believing in yourselves and with your God (higher power as you understand) by your side. And I encourage each one of you who feels as I did - ruled by worry- to take back the power right now through the five steps that I have outlined here.
GO ON, YOU CAN DO IT.
With love,
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
It really sounds like an alanon success. Keep showing up, Live One Day at a Time, Do NOt Project, Focus on Yourself and most important--- Let Go and Let God
well done you. thats great and a real inspiration. you have no idea how much i needed to read something like this to climb my own different (not physical mountains).thanks for sharing your dream and how you achieved it. your tips will definitely help me pursue my dreams and look after me and conquer worry.
Do not project simply means that we shouldnot look to the futrue with negative thoughts. Note that Suzannah's son did that to her. He stated, she was too hurt, injured, old to do this climb.
Living One Day at a Time preparing for the dream enables the dream to come into being
The wisdom I found in alanon tools has been remarkable
Suzannah, I know that beast and that makes what you have written even more meaningful. You bring tears to my eyes with what you have achieved, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Thank you for sharing. ((((((hugs))))))
You should be proud