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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Told him to pack his bags and leave if he didnt like it!!!
Post Info TOPIC: Told him to pack his bags and leave if he didnt like it!!!
snodebb


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Told him to pack his bags and leave if he didnt like it!!!
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Ok so the last 5 days were good.  Tonight I come home from work and he had been drinking.  He's not hiding it anymore sitting right out on the patio with his beer. I handled it pretty good just acted like nothing was different and went about my business was feeling proud.  As the evening went hot he got annoying and I said I will take to you when your sober and I am busy trying to pay bills,  He kept on and I lost it a little bit, said since your unemployment got reduced to 160 a wk I think I'm going to get a 2nd job cause I can't deal with this anymore. He said no I will get a job,  HAH I said well its been 2 years and all you do is wait for the union to hand you a job I don't see you beating the pavement looking. He starts getting in my face and then I don't remember what he said but I told him if he didnt like it to pack his bags and get out, He then says  well how about I tell you to pack your bags and get out.  I told him well I think not since I am the one paying all the bills and working but if you want to try and pay all this I will be more than happy to leave.  I was getting angry, then the kids came down and set at the table with me and AH thinks were are all just waiting for him to leave He lets us know that he wasnt leaveing  but then went to bed at 7pm.  I really dont need this tonight I have my annual physical tomorrow and I dont need the stress. What a crazy life.  He will never leave cause he cant survive  he doesnt work anymore!!!!

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debbie trump
SteppingUp


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Hi Snodebb,

You're very smart and very strong! I know it must be tough but you're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself and your kids. Good for you!

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lyndebi


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I don't know if you see it, but you invited the disease to argue and engage.

It is my belief even in Al Anon we don't walk on eggshells. We share here and take what we want and leave the rest.

Living with a disease and its behaviors can trick us into thinking the A's actions are good or bad.

It is a "disease" an illness, insanity. It has no emotions. It does not always vex us on purpose. We choose how to respond.

I found it better to make boundaries. I chose to live with the A, (yes they have options and can find a way to survive)When the disease was annoying, obnoxious etc. I would read, leave the room and read and do whatever. AH knew by me stating a boundary that when I did that, he was not to bug me OR I would lock my door to my room. OR I would leave.

We,not being sick, need to not engage or annoy the A back if we want our life to be as ok as possible.

Also when we have kids it is even more vital to keep things as calm as we can. Kids  hear it all. Can you imagine how it must feel for a child to see their father in such a sick condition? Then to know mom is telling him he can leave?

I remember the day my mother told me her and daddy were separating. I cannot imagine hearing the threats, fights etc all the time. My brother was so upset he jumped out of the car and took off running!

I am only responding. Not judging the situation.

hugs,debilyn

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snodebb


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lyndebi ,   Thanks for your input.  I could just kick myself for getting angry and I was doing so well.  I know I slipped up. My kids tell me they don't care if he is here or not but I know that's not true because I saw their faces everytime I had to tell them that he wouldn't be home for awhile because he was in jail.   3 yrs ago was the last time and that was for 7 months. They were very upset about it.  I lost control but today is a new day and I have learned from my mistake.  Thanks for the advise. As far as locking the door I wouldnt do that because the last time I did he just kicked the door open If I just ignore him he usualy goes away.  I will keep on trying.


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debbie trump
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Told him to pack his bags and leave if he didnt like it!!!