Here's my story... - Al-Anon Family Group

sunshinemama · Member

Here's my story...

kimmy1975 · Veteran Member

Hi Sunshinemama! Welcome! You have come to the right place for support. We've all faced the same issues you are having in some way or another. You are not alone. I see a bit of myself in your situation. I also have two children, ages 7 and 10. Same age gap as yours. :) My husband is also an alcoholic. I am really struggling with it because when I met him he was a year into his recovery. Nine years go by, and last month he started drinking. It is a scary thing for me because I don't know exactly what he is like when he drinks. I haven't seen him get totally wasted yet, but I am sure its coming sooner or later. Right now he thinks he has it under control, and will even do like your husband and go a day or two sober and I also fool myself into thinking that he just isn't going to do it anymore. And you're right, it comes as a slap in the face when he starts again.

There was even one time a couple of weeks ago that he said he was going to stop all together because our 7 year old son had wanted ice cream from Sonic, and AH had to tell him no because he had too much to drink, and I couldn't take him because I had taken my nightly medications and they make me very sleepy. So neither one of us were in any kind of condition to drive. The next morning, AH told me he felt horrible about having to tell our son no the night before. He said he was going to stop drinking all together. He even went as far as getting all the alcohol out of the house, and gave it to our neighbors that drink very heavily. AH went three days without drinking. On the fourth day, he stopped at the store and bought one of those really big cans of beer. He finishes it, and a little while later, goes and buys two more. Next day comes, and he came home with a six pack. He came home with a six pack three times that week. Then Friday rolls around, and he comes home with a big bottle of wine. Drinks half the bottle. Saturday, drinks 4 beers and 4 Mike's hard lemonades. So much for quitting drinking for good. And you can't tell me he has his drinking under control. Sure he only drank the other two bottles of Mike's hard lemonade on Sunday, and a glass of wine on Monday, and nothing at all yesterday. The pattern I am seeing is he stops for a few days, then binge drinks to make up for not drinking at all. It is scary to see him starting to spiral out of control, and even scarier that he doesn't see it. I too want to shield my children from his drinking. I have heard my children on several occasions say to him "Daddy, I thought you weren't going to drink anymore", or "Daddy, I thought you didn't like doing that anymore," or my favorite one "Drinking beer is just wrong!".

Anyways sorry for the ramble. One thing that you can do to help yourself is find a meeting and go to it. You will learn new coping skills so you can detach from this horrible disease and get healthy. I hope you keep coming back. This is a great place to be.

Kimmy

oklahoma momof5 · Veteran Member

Hi Sunshinemama!

You definitely are in just the right place. Amazing how our stories are all so similar.

I am brand new too, and just coming to terms with my fiance's drinking... which had seemed under control or normal, but suddenly spiralling. Amazing how quickly they can go from just a six pack... to spending the entire day drinking and showing up at home completely wasted. Scary and heartbreaking.

Anyways, as far as books, I got Toby Rice Drews Getting Them Sober Volumes 1 & 2 from the library. I had seen it recommended here, so requested it on inter library loan. It was well worth the wait. Don't know yet what I'm going to do in my relationship, but I have no doubt these books will give me what I need to get through it.

Like Kimmy said, also keep coming back here. The people here are great and more supportive than I ever thought an internet community could be. =)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Sunshine and Welcome

You have already discovered how similar all our stories appear to be. That is the main reason that the alanon program was developed and offered to family members. You see, living with this disease, we need to recover from the deadly effects of living in insanity. Alanon tools of Focusing on yourself, Living one Day at a Time, Gratitude lists, prayer , Meetings and sharing are all there to help us find clarity and restore us to ourselves.

The best way to help your children is to start to attend alanon meetings for yourself. One healthy parent can offer so much sanity to the home

Face to face meeting are located in all communities Help in finding a meeting can be found by http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Welcome you ar enot alone and there is hope

mjhyankees · Senior Member

Hang in there and keep posting. The better you are doing, the better your kids will do and maybe even your husband too. Not that you can control him but handling things better may make him examine himself more...that could lead to change, but again you can't control him. You can control yourself and that can make a huge difference.

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome here. You are not alone, alanon is a great source of help for families and friends of alcoholics. I am new, started here in July. Remember the three C's: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure him. Alanon is for you, to work on things in your life that you can change. The first step is realizing that you are powerless over alcohol and your Alcoholic husband. We learn to detach and let go and let God. The alanon literature and this board have helped me tremendously. Again, welcome here. Take care of you :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.