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My dad has drank for as long as I've known . Sometimes my life feels like nothing will ever be better . My mom goes to meetings and my dad always convinces us, nothing is wrong, he's fine. When my mom confronts him when she smells the beer on him or we can just tell he's been drinking, of course he lies . I have tried to keep the thought out of my head that if I come home from school one day he might have been drinking .
Mainly, my problem with my dad is just our relationship . I have no trust in him anymore and I don't know when or when not he has been drinking . He hides it anyways, so I remember I used to just avoid him as much as I could, so I wouldn't have to find out if he was drinking or not . We have gone and stayed out my mom's mother's house for weekends when my mom felt threatened and wanted to protect my brother and I .
My mom wants me to go to meetings too, so I can have a better relationship with my father. The problem is, I don't want to keep hurting myself . I don't know what to do anymore...
I think meetings might help you have a better relationship with yourself and who knows about your father. Some people do manage to have better relationships with an active alcoholic and some don't. The idea of a program isn't to be there for just how to deal with them. I have no doubt al anon could help you a great deal. Living around an active alcoholic is stressful, difficult and overwhelming. There are various tools in al anon that can help you through. Why not give it a shot?
You can of course come to meetings here and post here. This board is a great resource.
i wish i had something to say that could help you, my mother has drunk for as long as i can remember, ive struggled with it for years and im 36 with 2 chlidren..
your mum is right though, you do need to go to meetings,i only wish i knew they were available for me many years ago..
Alanon and Alateen are both for us to help ourselves. We can't do anything to change or help the alcoholic in our lives. Posting here and finding your own meeting will help you, and give you the tools you need to change your life and your perspective. Not sure how old you are, but there are tons of meetings out there, you can go to the Alanon website or google alanon/alateen meetings in your area. This is the time for you to take care of you. Blessings!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
and welcome I sure know what is feels like not to want to walk in that door after school never knowing which dad would be on the other side. Do try and remember this is a disease not only your father's disease but it is a family disease. It effects each and everyone of you weather you realize it or not. We sometimes take on the same behaviors as the alcoholic and we don't devleop very good coping skills or behaviors until we lean different. So I would suggest that you do attend meetings. It will help you understand this disease, how it works and will give you coping tools to help you deal with your dad. This is a very selfish disease and we tend to think if the person loved us enough they would stop drinking or if we loved them more they would stop drinking. And it just doesn't work that way. I can assure you that your dad loves you as much as his disease will allow ( if that makes sense). Your dad knows deep down he is sick he is just not ready to admit it yet and alcoholics don't admit it until they hit bottom, and bottom is different for each person. Also in going to meetings you will meet people your own age who are experiencing the same thing as you and they will understand you and your feelings like no one else can. If you are open to attending meetings please keep us updated on how you are doing. Blessings to you and your family
You say you don't know what to do anymore... so why not give meetings a try? I grew up with my mother who is an alcoholic and just like you when I would go home I always wondered if she was drunk and would try to avoid her as much as I could. I joined alanon almost 2 years ago and I WISH I would have went SOONER I had no clue about it or what it was until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and started searching the internet. I never thought her drinking affected ME in what I do each day, but it has. I grew up and have a child with an alcoholic, many of my friends are alcoholics and in ways I acted like an alcoholic even though I do not drink at all. I keep coming back because it does work and I learn so much and I am happy.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Hello and welcome , please go to the meetings for a few months if there is alateen in your area , you will meet others your own age and discover you are not alone after all . Learn to love your dad again with out fear of being hurt . Alateen is about you for you it will help u to understand the struggle the alcholic has and how it affects your life .read the literature educate yourself about the disease of alcoholism . His disease does not have to run your life too. If you cn purchase the daily reader written by teens for teens its called an ADAT = a day at atime .. great for beginners . I was told to assume he is drinking its what alcoholics do and we learn what not to do and to keep our expectations low . good luck Louise
