The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm gonna leave my house and drive 90 something miles to the other side of the island to attend a meeting by a group of people in position in Kona. I'm going because I have ESH to carry there regarding the subject...Drunk Driving...alcohol etc... I'm gonna listen mostly because I am anxious and apprehensive that this will be another "talk about it" only thingy and then everyone will go back to their little personal lives and groups and do nothing while the presence of the disease grows larger and more gets destroyed.
I was thinking a bit ago "Why the hell are you doing this Jerry F and why have you done it soooo long from more angles than other people have?" And then the answer stepped back in front of me clear as a bell. I was born and raised in this insanity of do nothing about it. My grand-father died on this island 6 years before I was born from drinking and driving and he never lived to watch me inherit the same disease he lived with. I'm going because while I've been taught that I cannot fix it that doesn't mean I should stop being a part of the solution. I'm going because I can't stand the idea of alcohol taking another life...mine or anyone elses. I've be victim to two dui's; one a head on and the other a broadside. I'm going because I've learned way too much to not pass it on and if I didn't pass it on somehow it would mean I didn't give a crap about my HP's will and my own gift of recovery.
My spouse told me that under the current personal economic conditions that trip would be costly for us and I thought about that for 3 days and then last night told her "I cannot not do this. This is my island home and my ohana (family) and I have a responsibility to give them what I've been given. I've done things in the past regarding stopping the proliferation of drugs that could have cost me my life and certainly hurt my family and for however my HP manipulated all of that I'm still here and still have the message.
I brought this here because MIP (all of you) are so important to my courage. Your's is mine and so I'm taking yours with me to the other side of the island. When it is over I will detach and come home and check in with you all then. Don't any of you go away...Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
OK. I'm going to share something that few people know about me. I worked as a bartender in my younger years. The bartenders I worked with seemed to fall into one of two categories-the first category was drunks. Tending bar gave then easy , free access to liquor. The second category, which I was in ,was social drinkers who were doing the job for the paycheck and tips. We saw the effects of alcoholism every day and never wanted to become like that. There was one evening I was at the bar celebrating a special occasion. I was the guest of honor and everyone wanted to buy me a drink. I thought I was in control but I was young and inexperienced. I had too many drinks and got in my vehicle to drive home. A block from my house I was pulled over, arrested, and taken to jail. It was one of the worst nights of my life. It was also a great lesson. I was SO grateful that I hadn't injured or killed someone in my drunken state. I still drink sometimes but since that night I have never had more than two drinks (in at least two hours) and gotten behind the wheel. Unfortunately I know people with multiple DUIs who think nothing of it and continue to drink and drive. I also know a man who was terribly injured and in a wheelchair today because of being hit by a drunk driver. So this subject is more than a little personal to me. But enough about me. Good for you Jerry, I'm with you all the way.
I haven't been to this site for quite some time, no particular reason except I guess I just wasn't hurting enough. Tonight I came looking for something that would make the next few hours easier. You see I have a son who is not only an alcoholic but a drug addict as well. Tomorrow he goes to court for a DWI, not his first and as well as I have been able to find out probably his fourth. I've been sitting here wondering how I am going to manage my life if he actually goes to jail this time. Yes, I've been having a pity party. Thank goodness I have a solid six years in Al-Anon.
Your post has put me in a frame of mind that I did not think I would ever find myself. If I step back and look at my sons history of driving drunk it scares the bejeebers out of me. He could have killed someone or himself, there are so many things that could have gone differently but didn't. If the judge gives him jail time it will be because he deserves it and maybe just maybe he won't be hurting anyone else for awhile. If by chance he manages to crawl out of this pile of _____ smelling like a rose as he often does, he goes to court next week on another DWI in a different city but same state. So if one judge doesn't give him hard time the next one may.
It sickens me to think of a child I gave birth to like this. It is also so painful I cannot explain but I have to ask myself "How would I feel about this if it were a complete stranger" and I have my answer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....
Barb
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I have been away for a time and during the last months I have been thinking and praying so hard for this forum and it's members. You see, I may not have been posting and visiting but you are ALL in my thoughts constantly.
Jerry, you know, when you got to do something because something in your heart tells you too and you cannot rest until you DO IT, then you just have to DO IT and I know your heart is telling you to keep on keeping on.
Deliver that message with purpose and encouragement and leave there knowing you have served others through your vast experience and courage.
God bless you Jerry, looking forward to your return and report thereon.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
HP & Angel Wings, what a Great Way to Go... You have Both :)
Just so you know... it is your Courage as well, that keeps ME Coming back... So THANK YOU JERRY F... For being such an Inspiration to this Ugly Disease, and for sticking your neck out for those to scare to use their own...
An I may not live on your Island, But I am Grateful You Went... FOR YOU!!!!
