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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Gentle reminder re: giving advice....
Post Info TOPIC: Gentle reminder re: giving advice....
canadianguy


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Gentle reminder re: giving advice....
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Hi gang.... Just concerned a wee bit of the tone of some of the replies lately.... I believe they are all coming from good intentions and heartfelt, but can we please steer clear of advice giving, wherever possible.... Share your E,S,&H, offer helpful options or food for thought, and offer encouragement wherever we can...... Please stop short of "shoulding" anyone.... MIP is an awesome place, and that is because of all the great hearts & experience we have out there....

My wise old sponsor used to tell me: "I don't should on anyone, and don't allow anyone to should on me".....

I think those are wise words

Respectfully,
Tom

p.s. if you really feel the need to give directive advice, please choose to do it via PM, rather than the main board.... In this way, the receiver of the advice knows it is just that - advice from one member to the other....

-- Edited by canadianguy on Saturday 9th of October 2010 11:15:43 AM

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thundermother


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Thanks Canadian Guy,

I know I can be guilty of this.

Thank you for the reminder.

As a newbie it can be hard for me to know where the line is.

Hugs.

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They are sick and we are crazy.  Crazy no more.  Amen.
lyndebi


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Hey I am a very old timer and I still goof sometimes. I do not use the word should but sometimes my passion gets me in trouble.
I am an earthmother clean through.

I appreciate the reminder too. Something I would like to ad is for us not to put the A down, calling them names or whatever. They are sick. We especially don't want to make judgements on others A's!

We are all a work in progress. I can go along and think I am doing fine and then realize you dope, you blew it again! (o:

hugs, and thank you Tom,debilyn

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Jerry F


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Aloha CG...great post and guiding light.  Actually I was raised in program to not
"should" on anyone at any time anywhere.  If my advice doesn't work or works out
to the detriment of the other person who would be to blame and if it does work out
who would take the credit.   It is not and must not all be about me.

Again Mahalo.  yes you to get (((((hugs))))) smile

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AlaMom


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Thank you Tom - that is a great reminder to all.  I know I had to rework a response I was writing the other night for that very same reason.  I realized that I was imposing my will on someone elses situation and that was totally not a healthy thing to do for either myself or the original poster. 

Appreciate the bringing it back to the principles.

KAREN biggrin

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Christy


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Thanks for keeping us on the straight and narrow, Tom.  biggrin

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xeno59


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Thanks Tom

Great reminder. I am sure I have been guilty of this from time to time especially if I particularly relate to a persons share.

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Aloha


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I appreciate the reminder - and LOVE the quote of "shoulding" on people. Never heard that before, but it's fantastic.

I've had plenty of people "should" on me in the past, and I honestly never really liked it. So for me.. (I'll should on myself), I should remember how that feels and not dole it out.

I try really hard to not give any advice other than "get to some meetings, and keep coming back."

Mahalo

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sunflowergirl


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Thanks Tom :)

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Gentle reminder re: giving advice....