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When my husband's drinking got out of control (almost 2 years ago), I took all of the alcohol out of the house and I stopped drinking in front of him.
He has been working on his sobriety for several months now and is doing a great job. I still drink every once in a while (I like my wine), but not around him.
Once a week, I will sleep in the guest room (because he has to wake up really early for a therapy session the next morning). Every once in a while (when I'm sleeping in the guest room), I have a glass of wine or two, watch tv, and then go to sleep. I've never told him that I do this because I don't want him to know there is wine in the house and I don't want to tempt him (yes, I know we are powerless over what they do).
Anyway, it's been a while since I've had wine in the guest room and as I was getting a wine glass from the kitchen cabinet last night, there was a noise and he came out to see if I was OK. I tried to hide the glass from him, but it was very obvious that I was "up to something."
I confessed to him what I was doing and had been doing. I apologized for lying to him all this time. I told him that if he felt uncomfortable with me drinking in the house. I wouldn't do it. He said he was fine with it and promised that he would let me know if it bothers him.
I still don't plan to drink in front of him, but now I feel guilty about my "guest room glass of wine." Part of me feels like I shouldn't give up a simple pleasure that I have every once in a while, but another part of me feels like I'm not being very supportive to my husband during the early stages of his recovery.
Well I had difficulty relating to your post because I dont believe that just because your married, our partner has to know or even has the right to know everything we do.
Ive never seen it written in Alanon where it says were not allowed to have a couple of glasses of wine, even in front of the A. This is a personal choice.
Same as we have to respect the alcoholics privacy and right to live his life, we would hope that our privacy and rights should also be respected. It sounds like your husband doesnt have a problem with it.
More important is your progress in your program of Alanon.
I agree with Bettina. You cannot protect the A from alcohol. They need to be the ones to say "I don't want any alcohol, I have a drinking problem" and own it. But you shouldn't have to hide it nor should you have to share everything... I am learning that too. Its hard, but I am ....
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I've heard that story alot at AA meetings. Where does the guilt come from? Does it really have anything to do with him or does it have something to do with trying to live with different rules and value systems? The jumpiness part isn't so much about guilt, from my experience, but about fear of being found out. No body needs another persons permission to drink and you are not responsible for your alcoholic's recovery. That responsibility is his alone and if he keeps it he gets to pat himself on the back using the hands of his HP and the fellowship of AA. If he doesn't keep it he gets to own it all by himself.
Alcoholics do go thru your reactions though...including drinking alone and hiding the bottles and the guilt and the fear and the justifications. It's what I did to a point also.
Maybe there should be more investigation. (((((hugs)))))
If your husband is going to relapse it is not going to have anything to do with you or your having a glass of wine now and then. If he wants to drink he will find a way, he doesn't need your bottle of wine he just needs to walk into a bar or liquor store. I know of many married couples where one is a recovering A and the other like a drink from time to time. So now that it is out in the open there is no reason for you to drink alone or hide your wine. In a way ( and please take no offense) it gives the vibe that you don't think he can be in the same house as a bottle of wine without relapsing. If your husband is comfortable with it bring the bottle of wine out to the kitchen and have a glass as you please. I think your husband would take that as a sign of trust from you. Thats just my opinion Blessings in your recovery
