The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Another meeting tomorrow, and I'm just not looking forward to going. It seems they all have something to say or a story to relate, the first time I kind of blundered my words, twice I passed and I'm still not comfortable with speaking, maybe I will never be because it's a group, and I've never been good for speaking in public. Is it okay just keeping quiet for now or do they expect me to particpate?
I think if I go tomorrow it will be to buy the book "Courage to change" but after that I don't think I want to return.
dori, You can sit and quietly absorb as long as you want. Of course they all have a story, you have one too. You can either share it or not. No, they don't expect anything of you. Part of the attraction of Alanon is being able to feel a kinship with others and knowing you have support. Please give yourself the gift of a few more meetings. No one feels comfortable in a new environment with strangers, but if you give them and yourself a chance you will discover you do belong.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Most al-anon meetings suggest that you try 6 meetings and then if after that you don't think it is for you, we will gladly give you your misery back! Not to worry, like Christy said, "No, they don't expect anything of you." It is your choice whether to share or not. I have known "old timer" al-anon's that have shared that they sat in meetings well over a year before they shared, it is simpily up to you what you want to share with others. However, I think you will find that if you sit back and relax you will find others who have stories which you can relate to and you will soon find that you are not alone.
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I was uncomfortable too at first. I hate public speaking of any kind. I always feel like a dork. The online meetings here gave me the courage to speak at the face to face meetings. So perhaps you might consider getting your feet wet "speaking" at the online meetings first. I sat at the face to face meetings for quite awhile just listening. That's okay. When you are ready you will speak. It just happens. You'll be fine. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I totally feel the same way, about being uncomfortable. However, I can tell you that you may really benefit by sharing. I went to my first meeting earlier this week, when it was my turn to speak I was tempted to talk about the topic at hand but I passed. But then, for the last 10 minutes of the meeting, the person running the meeting asked the new people (me and one other guy) if we would like to say anything. The other guy said no and I was going to say no as well, but the words just started coming out. I started to get a bit emotional so I felt like a complete idiot, but I just talked briefly about why I was there. As the meeting ended, the woman sitting next to me talked to me about what I had said and I found it to be so helpful. By speaking in the meeting, it opened the door to a conversation I probably wouldn't have had. So I would say just give it a shot. Everyone in that room has been in the exact same spot you have been...
As the others said, you don't have to speak, unless you want to. I am the opposite, I talk almost too much, but never over the allotted few minutes. I know they say to try it for 6 different meetings, but maybe even more would be needed if you aren't comfortable. I know some people said they didn't share for more than a year. Keep coming here, get Courage to CHange, get the free literature and remember to focus on you :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
There are no expectations in Al-Anon meetings. No judgement. It's a safe environment in which you can choose to share or not, and that decision will be respected.
I can tell you when I started sharing, I was actually amazed at seeing so many people nodding their heads when I described a line of thought or difficulty I thought was unique to me. You mean they understand???? Yes, they do!
Don't quit yet Dori , and yes u can just sit and listen . Maybe your going expecting to hear specific things and when u don't your dissapointed , go with an open mind listen to the similatities * feelings * not the differences . In order for them to help you they have to know where your at and what s on your mind , take a chance let them in . (hugs) Louise
Aloha Dori...What was told me early into program was "leave your fears and problems at the door before entering" and "put on and keep and open mind" while the meeting was going on. What also help was being told "Don't look for the differences twix what I thought my condition was as opposed to others in the room but to look for the similarities in our experiences. That is when the door opened for me and I started to relate and learn.
Leave what ever you're carrying into the room outside the door. Passing is okay. I passed at my home meeting last evening and it was held in my own house.
Thanks I did go to the meeting and when it came my turn I passed again. Everyone speaks without hesitation so I take it that they are regular or have been going for a long time, , but I'm finding it hard to come up with the words. I don't want to sound like a fool. I am afraid to let them in my private life and trying to justify to myself my AH and why I don't need to go anymore. I don't know what my problem is? Anyway, did buy the book "courage to change" but don't know if I can go back there?. I'm just not connecting with the group. Sorry guys.
No need to apologize. I didn't need to. You're loved unconditionally from the second you walk in the door and totally accepted. I use to think of my condition as being a blithering idiot until I accepted that I was new and didn't have experience. You need time I feel...time to get the fear out like mentioning to the group out loud "I'm afraid and really don't know exactly how this works. Can you help me?" That is exactly what I did when I first got into program. It was the simple truth about me and I got embraced because of it even while I was afraid of being embranced by anyone. LOL
You will not and cannot make a "mistake" in Al-Anon..."We are not perfect". We are fearful at time but never perfect. Take your time...just practice listening. We ought to do more of that than talking anyway. ((((hugs))))
Thanks for all the kind support. I want you all to know that I have nothing personal against the group. They are a great bunch of people who seem to be several steps ahead of me and have learnt to apply the tools of al anon. Maybe that's why I feel disconnected from them. I still haven't, so whatever is going on with me, I guess it's for me to work out. I'm happy that they've come this far, yet I think it would make me feel better to have more starters like myself in the group.
They weren't born in to alanon. they, and all of us were new once too. I'm sure there will be new people coming, but if you aren't there you won't know it. The best way to feel at ease is to become a part of the whole.
Don't quit before the miracle!!
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I go to f2f meetings kicking and screaming still. In the beginning I hated going to meetings, so I said exactly that when my turn came and left my comments at that. The second time I spoke at a meeting was last weekend, and I said I don't know what to think or say but I'm just trying to work things out. Sometimes just saying exactly that opens the door to conversations later with others in the group. One sentence can change everything.
Not to worry, like Christy said, "No, they don't expect anything of you." It is your choice whether to share or not. I have known "old timer" al-anon's that have shared that they sat in meetings well over a year before they shared, it is simpily up to you what you want to share with others. However, I think you will find that if you sit back and relax you will find others who have stories which you can relate to and you will soon find that you are not alone.
