The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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My addicted son (age 30) has been in a rehab for the last thirty days, which in my opinion has not been long enough but since his stay was not court ordered there is no way to keep him there if he says he is leaving and he says he is leaving.
I am stressed because I can tell he has not taken the steps to recovery seriously, when I talk to him I try to encourage him but all he wants to do is to complain about EVERYTHING about rehab center.
I am so stressed and really to tell you the truth depressed about him coming out, as I know in my heart things will just go back the way they were before he went in, and let me tell you things were bad, he was almost to the point of death.
I don't know if I have enough strength to start this again, I try to go over the steps, tell myself I will be strong and not let him pull me back into his drama, but I am afraid.
I just needed to come here amoung friends that would understand this.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I don't have a child who is an addict but my AH went to rehab for 30 days and it cost me thousands and I was so happy I went to all the classes my daughter who was 8 at the time went to counciling there also. After a while I think he got tired of it. It takes alot of work for my husband to stay sober and he is kind of a lazy persons. I just wanted to let you know that I know what its like to have someone in rehab. I hope it works out for you and your son in the mean time take care of yourself and check back here often there are a lot of people here who have helped me feel better. Peace be with you.
My XAH was in rehab 4 times and I always thought it wasnt long enough. Probably because addicts belong in a sober living after rehab. Seems like they are cycled in and out.
Bottom line, when they are ready to stop they will stop. They have to want it. The big question which I always tried to figure out but never had an answer was , How do they get to wanting it. I never knew that answer. I dont think they know either. They never seem to get sick and tired of being sick and tired like us family members.
I was always glad for the rest when he was in rehab, knowing he was not drinking and safe. Im sure you felt that way too, now comes the reality. What will he do.?
Be strong and keep doing your program of Alanon and pray with all your heart. Wishing you and your son all the best. Luv, Bettina
I understand your anxiety. It is good that your son has been in rehab and received some important information about his disease. Seeing the negative reactions to rehab is very upsetting and I understand your concern.
Please stay close to alanon and remember that the tools work. Focus on Yourself, Live One Day at a Time, Do not Project. Most imporatnt please remember the serenity prayer . Courage, Serenity and Wisdom will be granted when prayed for.
Keep coming back
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 6th of October 2010 08:09:20 PM
When we watch intervention, if you do, the A is told, if you do not stay in recovery, I have to protect me.
Mom and dad no longer allow the person to live with them. No one takes their phone calls. They are done.
It may be easier if one writes things down as far as what they are choosing for their life.
We have to decided what we will accept and not accept. I can tell you I know that horrible pain inside. My son is not A but he can be very difficult. I made it clear I will only accept appropiate things said to me. I will not be around people who use profanity.
I taught him I need to be considered, respected. I cannot handle high stress dream, I mean if they throw things or yell etc. Especially as I have gotten older. I just had to do this.
I have not heard from him since. I will, but I had to stand up for me.
Hon you have to protect you from his disease. It does not care that it is killing you. Stress is so bad on our bodies. so bad.
Right now you are not taking one day at a time, already projecting what will be. I am working on this; Wake up, take a breath,tell yourself everything is ok. Do what needs to be done.
Reteach yourself to think about you, or teach yourself to. I know it is hard being a mom. If you want to things to change, you have to change them. We cannot depend on a sick person to make changes to make OUR lives easier.
I do relate. in fact you just made me learn something. I have to continue to let my son who is 34 know,that I have my own life and am going to take care of me. NO longer thinking about his.
I am old now, I hurt, I feel nauseated most the time. My legs hurt, I have almost no strength. I have a disability that is very embarrassing. I finally told him about that. I will get better, had four surgeries in the last year. Just had another so I know I will be better in a few weeks.
My point is though, I have to take care of me. We have to allow them to fall. Yes they might die. Same with husband A's, mine did die.
Been there, it almost killed me! I learned I had to take care of me no matter what my loved ones are doing.
Do what you love, take a class, read uplifting things, go play bingo, walk, call friends, help others, work on your passions. Even if they don't give you a big bunch of happy, do it anyway.
Fight for you. If he was well he would want you to. Don't allow HIS disease to pull you down, it only puts more guilt on him. He does not want you sick too!
It is a pretty night, I am going to get out of my jammie bottoms, get my crutches and going for a little walk!
Dreams what eventually worked for me with my alcoholic wife was when I started working on my own recovery as hard as I wanted her to work on hers. I learned to accept powerlessness and to turn my total focus on my own life. I turned her over to the HP of my understanding and just focused and practiced what I was learning in the Face to Face rooms of Al-Anon. When I started working on me her complaints about me (many justified) decreased and then stopped and she had to face herself. Eventually she got in and got sober in a more humble way than I did. Give the self focus a try and keep coming back....((((hugs))))
I am learning so much with Alanon. Focusing on me has been the biggest thing I can do right now as a newcomer. I am so new to all of it, that just for today, I am only thinking of me. If I catch myself thinking of others or my A, I center back to me. I thank my sponsor grately for the help in this. All I can tell you is that I learned from my A going to rehab and coming out and drinking right after he got on the plane to come home: They have to want it. You need to concentrate on you and what you want and what you desire. Read up on enabling and letting go and letting God (HP). The first step is that you are powerless over your son and if he drinks or not... You cannot control anything he does. You can only control you.
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
