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Hi everyone, Last night my fiance and I had a "date" at the state fair, just the two of us. It was really fun!! Right after he got home from work he drank 2 beers while getting cleaned up, which didn't seem like a lot cause he usually drinks like 6-12. Then we went to dinner and to the fair, where there was a ton of drinking going on, especially at the concert we stopped to watch for a little while. But, he didn't have a single drinkm We stayed for several hours, then went home. Stopped at a convenience store to get me a Coke, and he didn't buy beer there, either. Could he be realizing that he was drinking too much, or is it possible that he doesn't have as much of a problem as I thought he might? Just thought I'd check and see what you all thought.... thanks!!
I am not sure, I can say that my Abf will do that often as well, and not drink. Then he will drink a lot the next day. I don't know, there is no rhyme or reason to it. He drinks vodka though, so a half pint is his choice or 4 nippers at a time... Then another half pint, then another... I can say the days that he is sober are so nice and he is such a good person. That is why they say here that you can love the person, not the disease. I don't know if your fiance is all better, but take the good days when they come. Remember to think of you first. Take care
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I agree that time will tell. If he's able to back off and stay backed off, more power to him.
I have a friend whose husband seemed to be drinking too much, so they made a pact that he would never have more than two drinks a day. He kept to that for six years, as far as she knew. Then ... boom. Full-fledged disaster.
My own ex was a binge drinker, so he could go six months wihout drinking (as far as I knew, anyway). But then the problem drinking would start up again and everything would fall to pieces. So what I gather is that if they can't put the brakes on, it will show up, sooner or later.
I remember reading the memoirs of a woman who had a drinking problem. After abstaining for a while, she wondered if she had it under control enough to where she could have a drink or two. And then she thought, "If I'm an alcoholic, then I can't have a drink. If I'm not, then I don't need to." The fact that the question kept eating and her and eating at her showed her that she was.
One extra thought: my ex often seemed not to be drinking because he wouldn't drink in front of me, and would refuse a drink if offered. Come to find out that he had alcohol stashed all over the place, so he could nip away and gulp some down. He even had a supply of those little airline bottles that he would keep in his pockets. It took me a long time to figure this out. One cue was that he was always having to nip away for "just a moment" -- to go to the bathroom, to phone someone from a quieter place, etc. etc. But someone who hadn't figured it out would never have known he was drinking. (Eventually I figured it out by being sneaky, checking the bushes in the back yard, finding the airline bottles in the sofa cushions, etc. I don't recommend being sneaky beyond the point where you know, but at the time it sure helped me understand where things stood.)
Hi... I hate to "rain on your parade" (or state fair, as the case may be, lol), but if he is an alcoholic, he can't "control" his drinking ongoing.... Yes, we get little tidbits of last night from them, which give us hope, but it is typically fleeting.... In reality, it is an example of them still trying to convince themselves that Step 1 does NOT apply to them, and that they can, indeed, control their drinking.... On the positive side, it IS all a part of his process of recovery, and does likely show that he is aware that he has a problem..... Most A's don't have a "straight line" of recovery - as in, they will try (and fail) many times at reducing, controlling, etc., etc., - until they are finally ready to accept that they truly are powerless over this cunning & baffling disease....
Glad you enjoyed the night, and glad he made the effort to "behave".... Good time for you to continue to focus on your recovery...
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Alcohol is poison to an A. Period. So can I take a little rat poison?
Also I can tell you from an A's point of view. My A said to me,do you follow him to the bathroom? Do you see him when he goes to get a coke? Are you with him every second and know what he is doing?
I "never" saw my A drink. never. He had a million ways you nor I would ever think of to use.
When he left, I found bottles hidden everywhere.
Andrea said it succinctly and perfectly.
I have always said to try to analyze an A is a waste of time. When they use they are insane. Their brain is sloshed with drugs! cannot rationalize insanity.
Sadly it will and is getting worse all the time they use.
I would not ride with anyone who uses, period. NO ONE can gauge anyone elses using, or know if they are safe driving.
I'm glad you had a good time on your date!! I will tell you something my dad told me about alcoholics first my dad was an alcoholic for 15yrs and sober and in AA for almost 22yrs. Having had many discussions with him about my A boyfriend he once told me that it is the first drink that gets the alcoholic drunk not the ones that follow, for them once they have that first drink they have no control (most of the time) it controls them. Just food for thought. Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
OMO5...You have gotten lots of feedback already and I don't like raining on anyone's parade either. Some of the stuff I learned in Al-Anon which is foundation to me still is No one can tell another person they are alcoholic. As a spouse of an alcoholic/addict I have to learn to pull her out from under the microscope and focus on my life and behavior alone. At open AA meetings often you will hear a recovering fellow mention that they learned that "1 drink was too many and 2 was not enough". Alcoholics are human and often times drink when they don't want to either.
There's much much more and you have to keep coming back to find out and attending open face to face Al-Anon meetings because that is where the real experience and information is from those who have lived thru or are living thru the disease. MIP is also a great resource for that same reason.
Probably neither of the above mentioned , alcoholics like to prove to themselves and others that they can control thier drinking .. and he knows your watching I am glad u had a nice nite out and enjoyed yourself . Louise
I am stillpretty new around here, but I can give you my experience. My AH has been sober for 90 days. We have been married 22 years, and for quite a few years, he has tried without success to control his drinking. Like others here, my A would go for weeks or months with moderate drinking -- say a few drinks a few times a week. Then suddenly it would get worse; he would drink when I wasn't watching. Or, suddenly he would be totally drunk after a drink or two (at least the drink or two that I saw).
This may or may not happen to you. I just want you to have some sense of what may occur if your guy is an A. Enjoy the good times as the come along but start to change the focus to yourself.
"Could he be getting better? And is 2 beers too much to drink before driving?"
Hi. To answer your question, is two beers too much ~ the answer is "Yes." No one ought to drink before driving. Ever. I am glad u found us and encoourage u to keep coming back, welcome.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I am glad u had a nice nite out and enjoyed yourself . Louise