The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Barbie...I've used Let go and Let God to release me from the fear and To thine own self be true to keep me to my value systems. I welcome input and feedback and still make and follow thru on my own choices. For that I am responsible (another thought and saying)...(((((hugs)))))
This might not be very Al-Anon-ish and I don't think you will find it in Conference Approved Literature...............but how about...............Saying with a smile on your face "Thanks for the suggestion, but I think I'll kill my own snakes this time".
Seriously, the Al-Anon program tells me to always take care of myself first and always do the next right thing. Keeping that in mind and practicing as Jerry mentioned " To thine own self be true", if I know I'm doing the correct and the right thing for me........I refer you to Canadianguy's quote.
this works for me You could be right ! and walk away . or thanks for pointing that out I will look at that . and walk away . the discussion is over .. There is no point in discussing what others think you should be doing they already have made up thier minds that they are right and you are wrong . I was told to listen occasionally sometimes they are right but when u have heard enough one of the above statements always works for me .the secret is to get up and leave dont stick around for the argument you know is comming . Louise
I always used to get hooked into needing others to see my point of view or acknowledge that I might be right. What's really had an impact on me is the saying, "Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing." So hard to keep myself from "playing," but when I detach, my life is so much more peaceful.
You have received all great suggestions. I like to validate myself without invalidating others.
I choose to say : That is not a bad idea, but I have decided to take care of it in a manner I feel is best.
I also make sure that I am not setting myself up for this type of situation. I only share with others who know I just need to vent and not give advise.
I have a part in all this. I also like to tell everyone at the beginning of my tale that I am just venting and do not need help in problem solving. If I want suggestions I will ask for them.
This keeps communications clear
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 6th of October 2010 06:45:58 AM
Lots of great suggestions. The bottom line for me is that recovery is about taking back my life and living the life I so richly deserve. It's my life and I take no prisoners when it comes to it. I make a very concerted effort not to be around people who have a negative impact on me. I am doing this for me and not anyone else. This has caused some angst with my sister. But I can only take care me and no one else.
When people are anxious to tell me what I should do with my life, I simply reply: "Thank you for the suggestions, but I believe I know what is best for me." I don't say it mean, but I say it firmly. They usually get the hint. Stay true to who you are and all will be well. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I"ve always found the "Colombo" technique to be helpful. When faced with another's criticism or what ever I respond...."hmm...you think so? I wonder, I'll have to think about that" and as I'm walking way "yeah, I wonder, could be?"
I tell ya, I don't use the word "should." To me as soon as someone uses that word, I feel they are a control freak.
I immediately feel my hair stand up and take responsibilty for myself. I always wonder what makes people think they know better than I do about my life? I am talking for instance co workers before they know me. My friends and people who know me never tell me what to do. So maybe look at you and see what makes them think they can talk to you like that?
I think it may be that my family was not like that, controlling or telling others what to do, so we don't do it either.
I think if it were me, I would say well thanks for the input however I like to make my own choices.
I don't care much what people think. I mean about my personal decisions, my life. I know what I want in my life and what and who are important to me.
NO one supported my marrying my ex AH. They saw how he ignored us for so many years. They saw how he was a drunk.
I saw a man with so much to give who when he was in serious recovery, wanted to give it to me. I have NO regrets.
They too saw us happy, and thrive. They came to the barbecues, we went to all the family stuff. ON my side that is, no drugs, alcohol or smoking or profanity etc. there.
I saw my A happier than I had seen him his whole life. He smiled and laughed, was truly a pleasure.
My passion is animals. I would be stressed and the first thing people tell me is well maybe "get rid of" some of your animals..I knew that for me they were my anti stressers, they ground me and I could always depend on them.
I never liked that get rid of phrase anyway, like they were refuse. Anyway I know my own limits. I think we all pay attention to that,then we make our own decisions.
but when u have heard enough one of the above statements always works for me .the secret is to get up and leave dont stick around for the argument you know is comming . Louise
