The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now that I've found this place and started learning the process of recovery, I'm finding the thought of being around my AH unbearable. He doesn't drink during the week but he usually starts on Thursday night and continues through the weekend. I honestly cannot stand him when he is drunk and just the idea of seeing him that way is throwing me into a panic. I'm trying to make plans with friends and family but I'm 8 months pregnant and have a toddler so there's only so much I can do. I've started to read a little about detachment but I don't know how to use it. Should I just leave when it starts? He will be so angry at me. I don't know what to do but I feel like I need a plan. Any ideas?
You might want to invest somemore time in the program before making any important decisions.
Learning detachment from the alcoholic takes time. Detachment isnt about physically removing yourself although that is your option, you can step out to take a break, go shopping, go for a walk, even removing yourself from the room to go read or just wanting some privacy can work. Any of these choices are helpful.
Real detachment is emotional detachment from the affects of the drinking. Learning to not react to his drinking, manipulation or any of the chaos that an alcoholic will create if you let him.
I recommend more face to face meetings and reading everything you can about Alanon and the tools for being with an alcoholic. You can come here anytime and we will share our experience and hopes with you.
Aloha R.... you actually have done the first step of a plan...reach out to others with more experience and ask they what they do that works. The second step for me was to take my time (don't rush new stuff) and listen, listen, listen and learn (find the true and practical..for me and accept it). Next for me the plan was to practice, practice and practice what it was that I had accepted as what I would do. Slogan to guide me? Keep it simple and Turn it over. Keep the plan uncomplicated and turn the out come of working this new plan over to the plan again and to a Power greater than me and the alcoholic and the future and fear of and all the other stuff. Keep practicing the new plan...have faith in it and the consequences of me working it and continue growing the plan. Learn Love..."love is the opposite of fear; for me" When I love my HP, my self and my alcoholic and all else without condition my fear of "them, that, this, those, people, places and things" goes away and I am free of and from fear...I am in love.
That's for me learned along with lots of other stuff, one day at a time in Al-Anon and MIP. Keep it simple, listen for the suggestions of others and continue to ask for help and experience, strength and hope from the elders. (((((hugs)))))
I understand feeling the urgency for a plan. Be sure you have a safety plan, if needed. I tried to force a general plan and have come to realize that it may not have been what was ultimately best for me. It is ok to take the time you need- however, long that may be. After working the program for a while, my perceptions changed, even those that I never thought would change- changed.
