The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I was a teenager my big sister threw me down the stairs for using her lipstick. Since then I've undergone years of surgeries, unsuccessful procedures and basically lived at the dentist. During all that time I've been waiting for her apology. Needless to say I've never got one and I've certainly asked for it on more than one occasion. The last one was when my mother died (my mother had always said she would help with this expense). I've certainly always brought my dental issues up when ever I spoke to my family. Lo and behold now none of them can remember a single one of them. So much for my ranting and reminders to try to guilt them! I'm about to go off on another round of work, none of which I am thinking is going to be easy. For once I've given up the blame, resentment and anger. I never thought for one second that would be lifted. As I feel lighter mentally I can cope better with the tasks ahead rather than be bogged down in rage and pain.
I am so sorry that you were so badly hurt as a child. I have some painful memories of terrible physical fights with 2 sisters and find it amazing that we did not hurt each other as you have been. I know how it is to want an apology.
I just want to say that this was such an inspiring share. I too have found what a waste of time it was/is to try to foce my family or others to see my side and own their part. That is why this program is so powerful Giving up the anger, and resentment FREES US to deal with life in a more positive and constructive manner,
A big thing I have learned is that forgiveness means not forgetting but not letting the issue take over our lives anymore. You can let go of what happened, you don't have to forget that it happened, but you don't have to let it take over anymore... Good for you! Peace...
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I was both the giver and receiver of abuse and physical pain and after reading this post am doubly grateful for the program. Freedom came from when I made my apologies and amends without any expectations of the same coming back from others although at times they have come. I called my 93 year old Aunt last week to talk with her. I had not talked with her for decades or her A/A husband (recovered? not?) my uncle. He was the one that answered the phone call and when he found out it was me launched into a string of apologies from the past. It was nice knowing that over the years in program the forgivenesses have already been done from this end. I can only imagine that he and his HP have had some mind and spirit cleansing sessions and I pray he has more than enough time to clean up his side of the street. My responsibility? forgive always; it's a part of the amends process. Love the thread...((((hugs))))
I should also add one of the other reasons I am able to "let go" is that I have not had any contact with my elder sister for quite a few years. I know that if I were still in contact on some level letting go would be much harder. I had to put the boundary in before I could let go.
