The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I took some time this evening to read through some older posts and messages of mine, dating all the way back to Feb 2007. More than 3 yrs ago! Have I really been here that long?
Wow, some of the anger I had in those messages, I remember those days and how desperate I was for freedom from that anger, pain and hurt. Relating those posts and letters to my current life I can see how I made the right choices for myself to make my life better. My life now is much more calm. I am much more of a rational thinker. I make mistakes and I don't beat myself up, I just try to do better. 3 yrs ago, I had a hard time liking myself for how "in" the disease I was.
Today, on the way to school my son (6yrs old) and I were talking about being grouchy. How we all do it. How it's normal for everyone to be grouchy at times. He said, "When I get grouchy Mom, I sometimes yell at you, and then you yell back cuz you don't like me yelling. But that hurts my feelings." I said, "oh, thanks for telling me that. How do you think you'd like me to respond instead? What do you think would work better?" He said, "you could just say, can you please speak to me in a more friendly voice because when you yell at me, it hurts my feelings." I told him I thought that was a great suggestion, thanked him for telling me and moved along with our day. This evening, he WAS grouchy. Tired, hungry....grouchy. He began to yell and I said, "Can you please speak to me in a more friendly voice, because it hurts my feelings when you yell at me." He said, "Im sorry MOmmy" and repeated his statement more calmly.
Working a program, learning, detaching and accepting has made me a better person in so many areas, not the least of which being my role as a Mother. And thru my role as a Mother I am better equipping my child~sharing the tool box with him and he with me. There was a time (3 yrs ago) where that conversation would have been very unlikely to have happened. I listen better now. Im not as defensive because I know that being imperfect is normal too.
We are all better with Alanon and all it's members who so lovingly give and share their journey with one another. Thank you.
