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I have read a number of websites the last 15 years or so on this topic but i have never posted my story. I also havent read a story that is like mine specifically, so here it goes, maybe my story can help someone else. I am 25 years old and grew up with a dad who couldnt put the bottle down when i was little. For the first 7-8 years of my life, i remember my dad in and out of rehabs all throughout new jersey. He would be faboulous for a few months or days and relapse for a month or two and etc etc. This went on for a very very long time. Then something or someone hit him and he was sober for 9 FULL years. Life was great, i got to meet my real father those 9 years. We had a family full of laughter, happiness and vacations. We went camping and to disney world and made tons of memories. Life was great!!!! Then my brother went into the marines and the worst thing that could of happened, happend, My father was drunk one day. At first i couldnt recall what was happening?? I wasnt used to this behavior. I couldnt figure out why he was doing this, he contiuned to drink for a few days and stop for a few days, i would come home from high school and find him passed out on the couch, incoherent, naked and barely breathing. I would call the cops, they would come here, take him away, he would detox a day or two, come home, hop back into AA with the help of his wonderful sponsers and do great. Till the next hump in the road came and instead of dealing with it, he would turn to his scotch. This went on and on and on. My mother had enough, they got seperated about 6 years ago. i was afraid my father wouldnt be able to fend for himself, and i was right. I would call him and he wouldnt answer, so i would drive south to his place, only to find him on the floor passed out. I did as much as i can do, we got him help and he become sober. It was a revolving door. The day before my parents final court date for their divorce, they got back together. I had my dad back in my house, we were a family once again, only to go back to our old ways within about 2-3 months. Since today, he has been relasping for the past 7 years. He would be sober for a year or so, relapse, be sober for a month or two, relapse. The disease is horrible. My parents are in the middle of a divorce again for different reasons but they will remain friends forever because of everything our family has been through. I pray to god that one day he will just see the light and be sober forever! I used to get mad and not wanna talk to him, but as i got older, i realized that life is too short. i only have one father and i need him to walk me down the isle on my wedding day sometime soon. i KNOW people say, let them hit rock bottom and walk away. If they want help, they will do it on their own. My father needs people to drag him when he hits the bottle. He gets to deep into it. Last monday my father relapsed once again, things got bad, since my parents are getting a divorce, my father lives with his mother, and my uncle, my dads brother threw him out of my grandmas house (sorry for the confusion) my dad was drunk and got into his car and drove away and he was missing for two days. I called him about 50 times friday night and he finally answered it, he didnt say much, i was trying to have a conversation and ask hm where he was so i can come and help and my dad just kept saying hello and told me he needed help and hung up. That scared me to death, i had no control, i couldnt help him since i had no idea where he was. I finally feel asleep and in the morning woke up at 5 am to his phone call, he was barely breathing, gasping for air and nothing anything. The conversation was me saying daddy, where are u, ill come get u and get help, daddy and all he said was yes and hung up. Unfortuanlly, i had work, my mother who is in the middle of getting divorced, saw the hurt in my eyes, and when i went 2 work, she drove around the whole town till she found him. He was at a hotel, she found his car, and went into the lobby, asked to go into his room to help, after she got into his room, she tried talking to him, he just kept crying to her, my mother found his phone, called some AA people and they talked him into going to the hospital to detox, he got admitted into the hosp, after i got done working, i went over to the hospital, he was still intoxicated and told me he wanted to die, this disease was killing him and i just told him that he had to hold on and be there for me for when i was to get married. i needed my daddy to walk me down the isle and i told him he has overcame this thousands of times, he could do it again. We had a wonderful conversation, despite he was still drunk but it was about god and having strength. After i left the hospital, he called the house an hour or so later, and begged me to sign him out. Tough love came in and i said no way, u need to detox. I was afraid he would go back to another hotel and drink himself to death. So he stayed overnight and he called the following morning and told us he was relased after talking to the crisis people. So today he is 3 days sober, living in a house with two other AA people. God works in mysterious ways. Even though people say, you have to hit rock bottom to get better, i believe you also gotta support the person who is in trouble. The disease is horrible and we have to overcome it. My father can write a book about AA, he has started meetings and has spoke at a number of places. I love my dad and i will be there till the end of time in any troubled day. I hope i have helped some people with my story because you guys have all helped me :) one day at a time!
"You've overcome so many things and every time, youve grown through sheer determination and the wisdom that you've shown. So, as you face this journey, from the moment you begin, know that god will guide you and you'll have the strength to win" emily matthews
-- Edited by Stace621 on Tuesday 28th of September 2010 08:43:36 PM
This was a wonderful share! Thank you! Wow the perfect example of detachment. Your love for your father is so great, you know the difference between him and his disease.
He is fortunate to have you.
You sound like a very mature person. I am so happy you were given the gift of times in your life when he was in recovery. I am sure he treasures those times too.
His disease taking over does not negate your love for him or your caring. He does still love you very much.
I have a feeling you learned so much from mom.
My love to you. You are so full of grace. a gem. debilyn
Aloha Stace and welcome to MIP. Stick around and help us recover. You will certainly hear your story told by many and often and others will find theirs in yours. One thing I learned on my recovery journey you mentioned in your story and it was when I said enough and stopped the rescue, got out of the way so God could get in between my alcoholic and I. When I did she found sobriety. I learned how to love her enough to let her go. Chances are if I continued to rescue it would have helped to kill her.
Thank you for sharing in such a heratfelf manner. This disease is so dreadful and your Dad is certainly fighting for his life. I agree he is fortunate to have you in his corner
