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Just a question.. is anyone else's A extra, ahem... frisky and demanding about it the next day... It's like clockwork for mine and drives me CRAZY. The LAST think I want to think about doing the day after one of his binges while he sweats beer out his pores and sleeps off his handover on the couch.. Is it him trying to see if I.m mad?
It might be if you sense it that way. Better if he can get your mind off of what happened the night before than to deal with it out in the open. Alcoholics also feel guilt shame and remorse including anger and resentments. When our body language tell them we didn't have a good time with it of then they want to say "Hey it wasn't that big a deal, lets....." forget about it. If you get sucked into that it is one real form of enabling; the problem will (for us) get worse and worse.
Mine does that exact same thing. Now he tries to reason that when he drinks he's more "in the mood". Isn't that what I want? No. I'd rather have a sober husband. I'd rather not have worry about the effects that alcohol has over our lives together. Now That's a turn-off for me. SO if he loves me soooo much maybe he'll agree to get treatment so I'll feel frisky again.
Been there done that missy , u have a right to say no .. I found the courage to tell my husb if he couldnt come to bed smelling like zest soap and toothpaste to please not touch me .. Luckily he was a gentelman and left it at that no pressure .. i could never relate to sexual abuse until a speaker when talking about physical abuse said i am not going to talk about sexual abuse because anyone who has laid down next to a drunk knows exactly what i am talking about . wow that really hit home for me .. the only abuse I suffered was done by me by allowing unexceptable behavior and not saying NO ..
I remember this well, and I agree with Jerry it is part of the dynamic (or at least this is my opinion and experience). Foe me, I didnt think it was about him deciding if I was angry or not, bc he really didnt care about my feelings. He wanted me to be sexual with him bc he would then assume that I was no longer angry. And it often made it harder and more confusing to actually be angry if I did give in and have sex, so it would let him 'off the hook' and I only got more disgusted and angry with myself and even more resentful of him. Bc I would have to 'let it go' a lot to be able to do it at all ~ there were many times I didnt bc when i am angry there is no way. Stand up for you bc they never will - that was the lesson I learned there. You are always always left to face you alone, be honest and tend to your needs.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I think it could be that the mornings is the only time he may be sober enough to be frisky. Alcohol makes it hard for some men to have sex. We have this problem in our marriage. When he drinks, it makes sex so frustrating for me. I am NOT a morning person and that seems to be the only time he is capable. I know which is more important now.... sex or alcohol.....and the alcohol always wins.
I feel so used when AH is drunk or hung over, it's so unpleasant to be intimate with someone when you really just don't want to be anywhere near them. And yes, they do feel "off the hook" after that. Mine will be so sweet and affectionate (the only time he is affectionate), until he gets what he wants. Then it's back to being rude to me.
Abbyal, your comment hit a home run in my mind, thank you for sharing that.
Just say NO is how it's got to be for me.
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They are sick and we are crazy. Crazy no more. Amen.
