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Funny how some things can get ya so excited, and yet so nervous at the same time ;)
Recently, after learning more and more about the net and how to track people down, I got to thinking of a Friend Of Mine From my "Childhood" 0-11 yrs old .... I always admired her, she loved horses, as did I, she was always "Happy" and I so wanted to be Just Like her... We had a TON of things in Common at the time, She & I both have 1 older sister, and 1 younger Brother, we were the middle kids at that time (Before my Step Sis & Bro came along)....My dad was an Alcoholic, and Her Dad was His Side Kick... Both living pretty much the same existence in a way..
I remember many of mornings I would wake up and come down stairs and see her Dad Sleeping on my Couch, as I am sure she has seen the same out of mine... They would take turns lieing to Our Mothers, to cover up their whereabouts...
I remember thinking when I would see him on the couch, like ok... Whats the house Vibe... He is either here because he was to drunk to go home, OR... Dad needed a Reason for Mom not to wake up and act like a Nut... He would take off for 2 weeks at a time, and bet horses, BUY Horses, coke, booze and women if he could... So on those times, he would bring a friend home and have a nice "Planted" story for why he had been a way so long... And would act it out like in a movie for us kids, and make you laugh.... My father was GREAT At telling story's to make you forget why you were pissed at him... Mom was never laughing at this time...
(See Samadhi Drifting :) Always) Back to my friend... So I tracked her down, and when she got back to me, I swear I had butterfly's in my belly and was Soooo Excited... She gave me her Cell # and said "Please Call Me I have Missed You"...She no longer lives local but within 2 hours of here.
WOW... I have not seen her in probably about 28 years..I didn't even think she would Remember me... So... I thought on my excitement for a minute, and told her that I wasn't feeling well currently but the "minute" I can talk (Not out of my Nose) I would be sure to give her a call... I didn't want to sound icky on the phone, but I put her Number in my phone so when better I can call her...
NOW... After I think on it, I don't know if I am more "Happy" to speak to her or More "Nervous" to speak to her... My God... What will "SHE" remember about the insanity, that we shared, we became friends because both our fathers were alcoholics, (hers still here, but very unhealthy) Were do you start such a conversation...
It just hard to understand, because I just thought she held the moon, because she seemed to find a way to "Deal With it" and still be happy, (So I think) I don't want to pour out my "Boo Hoo's", and I know she will bring up my Deceased Afather, because she loved him too, as I do hers... I suppose I am just really Nervous, cause things fromm my past are slowly coming back, but with her back in my life, it may be a blessing... And that is how I suppose I should see it, after all.... She was such an Inspirtation to me, and I know her heart is still the same...
I have not been to a F2F in 2 weeks today, and I really Wish I could go tonight, but this cold keeps me from going... I can't risk giving this to someone else, but boy could i use a Meeting... I need somewhere for this anxiety to Go so I can "Enjoy" my Long Lost Friend, and be Ever So Grateful that we have found a way back to one another ;)
I guess I'm searching for Prayers that I find the Courage to Love that Part of my Life, for it meant so much to me... I think she will be a great help to that... But I know not to expect it.... Just excited, nervous, anxious, jittery... N Sick
Thanks for Listening My MIP Family... So grateful your all here
Maybe you could just focus on the friendship during the initial call. It's obvious this friend brought you much joy. You must have many "remember whens" that don't include your fathers. She is no different then any of us, she doesn't want to be seen only as the A's daughter..just your childhood friend :)
To be honest, if a old friend had a bunch of "boohoo's" and drama to share, I would feel for them but I don't know if I'd be eager to persue hearing more. I do my best to keep drama to a minimum.
I hope it's wonderful!! Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I also love the discussion of fun past. To remember good stuff for me is proof that it wasn't all bad and that I can keep the balance twix both. Christy's share is very supportive for me because it reminds me when and where I carry my woes around looking for others to verify them when I don't need to be in that space. Today I don't regret the past, I won't close the door on it and I've discussed it often enough that I can talk about the good stuff that was there. It takes time to learn to just let it be. I hope you both have tons of laughs to enjoy and if there are tears that they come with acceptance. (((((hugs)))))
Maybe this will help you...my first real friend was in high school ( i was not encouraged to make friends) and we clicked for reasons we didn't know at the time. But as we spent time at each others home it became apparently our home lives were very similar. Both our fathers were alcoholics ( althought mine didn't live at home anymore), both our brothers were hard core H addicts and created much chaos in the households. Both our mothers were enablers each in thier different ways. Anyway my friend and I honestly did all we could to become A's ourselves, we really did. We could drink anyone under the table and walk away feeling victorious. But as time went by I found my husband and started a family and that lifesyle was no longer what I wanted. So I stopped partying and got down to grown up busniess of raising a family. My friend went on to continue drinking to the point I felt she was an alcoholic so we drifted apart. Fast forward 21 years and seems she had been looking for me for 2 years. We live in different states but i go to her state and area now and again as I have family there. On my last trip she and I made plans to see each other. Those plans turned into me spending the night at her house and then meeting up with another old friend the next day for lunch. My thoughts were all over the place...what if she doesn't like me now etc. The moment we saw each other it was as if those 21 yrs had just melted away and we started back up right where we left off ( minus the drinking). It couldn't have possibly been more fun and as she and our other friend were still dealing with A's in our lives just like me I had the chance to introduce them to alanon. I told them about the program and then let it drop. Now we are in close contact and weather they took my alanon suggestion and acted on it i don't know and it's none of my business. What i do know is that my friend and I at the end of the day confided in each other that we were both very nervous and apprehensive upon reuniting and it couldn't have gone better. It warmed my heart that after all these years she still considered me her best friend and now to me i trust her implicidly. We relived much of our past and were perfectly honest about how things had been going or are going for us now. And it was all completly natural. I urge you to ( when you are up to it) get in touch with her. I think you will find the exact person you remember and can restart a new friendship. Please keep us updated Blessings
