The material presented
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Hi, I am new here. My husband has been struggling with drugs and alcohol for quite some time. He had been attending AA meetings, but it had gotten to the point where they weren't even helping. He went into detox this morning and then going straight over to a in patient rehab center. It is going to be probably close to 40 days he will be in there. I can't even talk to him until next weekend. He has his issues but we love each other very much. I was recently laid off my job so now I am home alone all day long. My kids live with their dad. Today was just the first day. I have been terribly lonely, and its just the beginning. I miss him so much. I know its good that he is getting help, beleive me. I am still so sad. In the almost 5 years we have been together , we have never been apart for more than 7 days, and that was horrible. Help! Advise please!
hello and welcome , well you have just been given a gift 40 days to take care of your self please find Al-Anon meetings for yourself , you too need to recover from the effects of someone elses drinking , an alcoholic needs support and for me the best way to support thier efforts at sobriety is to have my own program an dkeep the focus on myself . I cannot keep my husb sober anymore that i was the reason he drank and frankly its not my job. u will make new friends in program and find people who have been exactly where your at right now . Go to as many meetings as you can try all different ones til u find a couple your comfortable in . Our program is for you and about you leave your husb to AA and let Al-Anon take care of you . good luck louise toll free number for info on meetings in your area 1=888-4alanon
Hi and thank you for your post and welcome :) I would agree with abbyal's reply to you. We can get so emeshed in someone else's life that we lose our own and cant even see it. That thought was insane to me upon arrival. :) The effects of living with an addicted person and what it does to us I had a clue but really no true idea as to the depths of what it does. We need to recover, which again I thought insane becasue I was not the one with the problem. The best thing you can do is take this time to get to some face to face (f2f) meetings, we have on line meetings as well twice a day which are great also. Let him work on himself, as you cant fix him, no matter how hard you try. If loved cured addiction there wouldnt be any addicted people :) Get yoursef into a program as when we have one and work it it affects everyone that we come into contact with. It is the best thing you can do for him and yourself. thank you and glad your here :) blessings
Welcome, and the other replies are soooooo true.... You've just been given the "gift" of having 40 wonderful days to dive head first into YOUR recovery!!!! Time to take care of yourself...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
You have already been given the best suggestions possible so I can only encourage you to take those suggestions to heart and use this time to start working your own program. My son is an addict...he has been in jail now 10 months on the rehab unit. I miss him terribly but I know he is exactly where he needs to be and that brings me comfort. But although i was already in this program i have used this time to throw myself wholehheartedly into working it while my son is gone and I am not living in chaos. I pray doing this will make me strong enough to stick to my boundaries and keep taking care of myself once my son is released. Working the program can be a full time job at times, it isn't easy but Soooooo worth it. I found it interesting that you said he was going to AA meetings but even they weren't working. First thing to remember is sitting in a meeting isn't going to cure anyone. You have got to do the hard work of the program to make it work. The program only works if you work it. Same with Alanon. Sitting and listening to the stories and experiences of other is extremely beneficial. But then you have to do the foot work to make it work for you. Starting the program now is perfect timing for you as then each of you will be able to work your own porgrams and grow together. Blessings
Thanks for the kind words from everyone. Today I am doing better than I was yesterday. I have been to alanon meetings before as well as a fair amount of AA meetings with my husband (no I didnt make him go). I hadn't gotten a sponser and I haven't been to a meeting in a while. Everyone is always so kind. There is a meeting tonight that I hope to make. My daughter signed me up to work the concession stand tonight for cheerleaders. If I can get out in time, I will go. I'm debating on skipping the whole concession thing and going to alanon, but I dont want to look like a flake for my daughters sake, ya know.
please find Al-Anon meetings for yourself , you too need to recover from the effects of someone elses drinking , an alcoholic needs support and for me the best way to support thier efforts at sobriety is to have my own program an dkeep the focus on myself . I cannot keep my husb sober anymore that i was the reason he drank and frankly its not my job.