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You know this just feels too tough sometimes. I`am having a rough time minding my business and I think I always will when it comes to my grandaughter. My daughter really does seem to have the counselor siding with her btw. I had been babysitting 4-5 nights sometimes in a week. My mother offered to pay for helping me get another sitter for one night. I took her up on it and found someone to come into my d`s house. Now my m doesnt seem to want to stick to her promise. The money will last about 2-3 months. My daughter already called her father up and asked him to take over when this sitter leaves. I said to daughter, I`d rather her come back here with me than leave her with your dad. She was nasty as usual and said its easier for her to have him at her house rather than have to come to my house, and so on... I have told her and the counselor all about his perverted ways in the past. Counselor said, the past doesnt matter. I left her alone with him when she was a kid counselor says. Just last year this guy(father), picked up the dog when both the dog and the child fell down instead of going to the child. I think there is something wrong w/ my ex husband mentally but my daughter is very close to him. He does quite a few things for her and she throw`s him a few bucks. He doesnt want to work. Anyway, I dont need to go on and on. He is not a healthy person to be watching her. He has enabled both of my children, one of whom is an emotional cripple. I have been watching this child since she was born and now she wants to leave him w/ her possibly in the next few months. I`am so upset over this. I can`t seem to get this program going when it comes to this child. I don`t know,if I ever will.
Its good that you watch your Grandchild 4 to 5 times a week, this is a good thing. She will have some normalcy with you.
If your Granddaughter is at risk or endangered you have to report it and suffer the consequences , at least it might open up an investigation. This has to be your decision. Sometimes you have to stand up for your Grandchild. If you dont say anything to the authorities, this will continue.
Your daughter chooses her Father because he enables her. You can also warn your daughter that if she continues to drive and endanger the child in anyway, you will report it.
I dont think anyone in Alanon told you to mind your business. This is your Grandchild.. You have to realize that your daughter is going to do what she is going to do , no matter what you do or say to her. There is a difference from detachment and minding your business, its common sense that if your Granddaughter is being abused or is endanger, you have to speak up. Alanon would probably think its better to keep the lines of communication with your daughter, then for her to completely shut you off and then you wont know whats happening with your Granddaughter. One way of doing this is trying not to inflame the situation. Its a difficult situation to be in in, I dont envy you. Wishing you the best, Bettina
Hi and thank you for your post. Totally understandable your concern for your grandchild, one healthy person can make a big difference in your grandchilds life. She is blessed to have you. Try to keep in mind that you have a couple of months and things are always subject to change. You sound like your getting going with the program as well, you came here reached out to those who understand and willing to listen to the responses, thats is progress for sure...!!!! prayers and blessings your way Samsgram :)
ugh...this reminds me of my worries about my own daughter. All I can do is be the best parent I possibly can. I need to get her into counseling (somehow having a hard time pulling the trigger on this...keep putting it off). good luck and just be the best you can be. Bettina is right, that you are a positive influence in her life. You never know how that may stay with her. It could create a longing to be healthy at some point.
Okay the biggest red flag that popped out for me in reading your post is the counsler stating "the past doesn't matter" Holy Crap that is the purpose of couseling to confront the past ( which brought you into conseling ) and then work on healthier way of coping in the future. So going to be judgemental here and state this counsler is totally off base an inappropriate. You said your ex H has perverted ways... I don't know what all that emcompasses it could be a wide range of things. But if you feel you GD would be in danger with him something or someone needs to step in for the child. I know you are doing your best to give you GD what she needs God bless you for that. But in previous posts you have stated the instances that your daughter has acted recklessly and endangered your GD and Now she is going to throw in a granfather whom you deem perverted. Honestly the childs welfare must come first and foremost... she is in danger I already in a previous post told you that I turned in my own brother to child protective services for many of the same reasons....yes i had to deal with the fallout. But the fallout would have been nothing compared to if something happened to my niece and I hadn't done all I could to protect her. I can't tell you what to do, I know and sympathize with the turmoil you are going thru right now. I know in my heart you are doing your best for your GD But if I put myself in your shoes I would call child protective services myself and express my concerns ( this can be done anonomusly). They must investigate any reports they receive. Likely they will interview your daughter and GD. I would before calling and reporting in the vaugest of ways explain to your GD that if she happens to find herself in the situation of talking to the authorites who are there to protect her that she should feel comfortable in telling the truth. Thats what I would do My prayers are with you and your grandaughter
As for getting social services involved, they have been in the past and they said my daughter was a "great mother" and should get her daughter back. i had custody back then when she was using crack. That agency stinks. My ex is perverted but I doubt he would do anything directly to her. He in fact told my daughter she should stop driving so fast recently . That her daughter was scared. It blew my mind because he NEVER speaks up to her or anyone. My gd told me she told her papa. He has other issues but I just dont feel like he is the best person for her to be with in fact is is very low on the list for numerous reasons. If I did feel she was in danger I dont know what I`d do considering my experience with that agency. My daughter had them buffalloed as well. I think I`am loosing it though. Today, I went and shot off my mouth to her when I know better. I don`t know what the ramifications will be. I fear them as always and am kicking myself. I had to take my gd to an outside girlscout event today and they wanted her to have a sweatshirt as well as a warm jacket for later in the evening. Well, I dont have the kind of jacket I needed here. In fact I am always s worried about her having the right clothes I had to beg her mother to use my charge card to buy her back to school clothes and pay me later when she can. I knew she wouldn`t buy her a fall jacket so I did and its at her house. I bought her school sneakers, etc, school supplies. Its always me it seems that has to take care of her needs. I just feel like her mother doesnt really put much into her care. I know she needed her money for rent but anyway, today I said, I wish I had that jacket for her. She mothers response was, "oh well, it in my house".. I said I can`t believe the way you act. She gave me some sarcastic comment for me saying that to her. In other words I crossed over a terrible boundarie and might have hurt her feelings. I should have known better! I don`t know what she will do with this now.. I guess I just need to get this out... In one sense I`am enabling my daughter by caring for my gd and in another sense I feel I need to care for her. Someone has to.
