The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just joined this forum a week or so ago. My AH of 22 years is now in recovery -- 2-1/2 months sober. When he first went into treatment, I was sick to death with pain, hurt and anger. It was only when he entered treatment that I fully realized how much he had been lying to me about his drinking. His behavior on many occasions -- slurring, distracted, slow witted, odd gait -- scared me deeply. I repeatedly asked if he'd been drinking, and he denied it. I believed him. I was frightened he had a neurological condition, even Alzheimers. I persuaded him to go into therapy for depression, but nothing helped.
Then when he entered treatment, all this fell on me like a ton of bricks -- he's been lying, lying, lying and allowing me to think he had a dread disease. I was so hurt, so angry and felt I NEEDED him to come clean with me in order to get on with our lives. (I know now he DID have a dread disease, but it wasn't neurological.) Also, all those painful memories of him ruining family occasions, being drunk at my work event, being drunk at family gatherings, etc. pressed on me with full force.
Now sitting here about 2-1/2 months later, he has not fully come clean with me and hasn't made amends. But, to my complete surprise, I have stopped obsessing about when is he going to do that? when will it be right with us? etc.
I have been in Al Anon for about 2 of those months, and have been reading everything I can get my hands on about alcoholism and family recovery, including Al Anon stuff like Courage to Change. I am not consciously working the steps, though I do COMPLETELY agree that I am POWERLESS over alcohol and that my HP can help me. Anyway, I am just marveling at the change in myself in such a short time. It is like I have soaked it up by osmosis. Hope it can continue & grow.
Cloudsea, I feel the same way. And though I am not "working" the steps, I am absorbing as much as I can out of everything I read and hear. I am also doing a lot of self change and am very oriented to that. There is so much that is not "worrying" me today. I feel good. If I go home and he has had a slip today, I will use the tools I have learned to get by and not let it freak me out. THanks!
I'm so glad you've found Alanon and MIP. Alanon has truly been a life-changer and sanity-saver for me.
I know how you feel about the lying. My AH has lied to me so much, even about things that have nothing to do with drinking. It's just part of the disease. I don't even think I would want him to come clean - it would probably just cause me unnecessary grief. So, I too have stopped obsessing over it.
How absolutely incredible you are able to put down those resentments. That is indeed a great achievement. Congratulations. I am glad you are here sharing your program.
" I am not consciously working the steps, though I do COMPLETELY agree that I am POWERLESS over alcohol and that my HP can help me. Anyway, I am just marveling at the change in myself in such a short time. It is like I have soaked it up by osmosis. Hope it can continue & grow".
The feeling is good huh? I remember that feeling after the first few months in the program and it was incredible!! I do hope you get active on the steps and sponsorship and more because what feels good now will become incredible and strong with that experience.
I use to walk around with a smile on my face when the peace of mind first came and use to be asked "Are you all the way there or are you pink clouding it?" Pink Cloud I asked (cloud not elephant) and then was told that the "pink cloud" was the early feelings of euphoria that newcomers get from their initial escape from the active disease.
Working the steps, slogans, sponsorship and the like will keep your recovery on firmer ground.
I am soooo happy you have new feelings of freedom and content.
so happy for you that you are making progress and feeling better.
Yes, part of this disease are the lies, the deceptions, etc. an alcoholic will never admit to himself that he has been drinking. You ever watch those "Cop" shows where they pull over the driver that has been weaving, they ask them, have you been drinking?? "No", this after the breathalyzer, walking the line, slurring their words.
I was married to the A for 26 years, you 22 years, he was able to hide it, but now its progressing where he cant. Hope he stays sober for his own sake.
Keep attending Alanon and keep learning and reading and doing. Putting the tools into action is very important for your recovery . We suffer more than the alcoholic, we are straight sober, left with the aftermath of the tornado they create. We dont have to be in the path anymore, not when we have this intelligent program.
What a nice inspiring share on how this program works for us Kudos to your husband on his recovery. But keep in mind he ( and you ) are in early recovery and none of us got here overnight and we aren't going to get healthy overnight either. It is a life long process. You stated that your husband still has not come clean with you on everything and you haven't received any ammeds. Here is where I will tell you to slow down a little bit. We all work the steps in our own time and as we work the steps we learn new, healthier coping tools and a better way to live our lives. Recovery is going to take a lot longer that 2 months so don't be to hard on your husband. He has major work to do and it may take some time. Some of the A's in my life have been in recovery for years and I have yet to receive verbal or written ammends from them... even though i raised one of thier children and took in another one of thier grown children who had just had a baby till she could get on her feet. I felt they should be down on their knees making ammends to me and throwing me a parade lol. It took me a long time to realize that ammeds aren't nessesarily made in a verbal or written fashion. If I took a step back and looked at them I could see that through their recovery they had made major behavior changes ( for the better ) and to me showing me that they could now be people that I could trust and believe in was thier ammends to me. I didn't need a parade just knowing they were working their recovery was the best gift or ammends I could have recieved. I am so glad you have joined the alanon family... let your husband work his recovery while you concentrate on working yours and you will grow together. Blessings
