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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> update on our son!
Post Info TOPIC: update on our son!
Katy


~*Service Worker*~

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update on our son!
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Well we have him home now, it was my husbands decision to invite him back with boundaries, I didn't agree he was ready I felt he should have come back when he had asked us for help himself, I could see my husband was hurting, our son was sinking fast, I think my husband rescued him too soon, just before his bottom was hit, his shoes were holy his clothes dirty and he smelt, friends were phoning us, and yes it feels shameful, but as parents we did everything we thought was right up to that point, and nothing had worked, I could feel a detachment a loving one too, that I could counter balance the pain and worry with knowing that I was letting him take responsibility for himself and learning more by this experience than anything we had said or done this far, but husband cracked and invited him home, he bought him new shoes, and within a couple of days he's doing the same old same old (((((sigh)))))), it's very difficult at this point because I don't want to be at war with my husband and say I told you so, trying to remain supportive without being a martyr here and all that goes with it, I am trying to remain nutral  trying to support my husband in his desicion and reamain true to myself, I am doing this as best I can, trying to say what I mean without being mean, our son didn't come home again last night, we didn't sleep, worry worrry worry, and then he turns up with sorries, arghhhhhhhhhhhhh, hubby was projecting all night, today the sun is shinning our son is safe and in the bath as I write, how important is it? springs to mind, and don't fix it till it's broken, and just for today,smile.gif

much love to mip

Katy
x


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Katy
DreamXL


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Katy you sound good!!  prayers your way :)

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RLC


~*Service Worker*~

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(((Katy)))

Hugs and support. I know it had to be hard for your husband to watch as his son was finding his bottom. His decision to save his son was his choice and a choice he felt was the right thing for him to do. Your son can only be saved when "he" wants help, and when that time comes it will be with the help and guidance of his HP.

I admire you and your handling of the circumstances. You decided reacting to your husbands decision would not accomplish anything. The alcoholics in our life are not the only ones that have to find their bottom.

HUGS,
RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Friday 17th of September 2010 09:04:16 AM

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maresie


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I now the nighttime worrying and anxiety all too well.  I had to give the now Ex A to HP in order to try to stop.

Please take care of yourself, eat well, try to rest even if you can't sleep.

Take it one hour at a time if need be.  Remember you didn't cause it, can't cure it and certainly can't control it.

Maresie.

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maresie
xeno59


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You just told my story except I am the weak link when it comes to our son.
So know exactly what you are going through. At some point you and your husband will be on the same page as to how to handle your sons addiction. For me and my husband since I was always the one to break first, my husband clearly told me to let him know when I was ready to get on the same page and he detached from making any decisions regarding our son. Husband would engage with son when son was sober but if son was high husband stepped out of the picture and let me deal with it since I was the rescuer. It took quite a while of being in the program before I was ready but when I was I then told my husband that I was with him as a team. even though it broke and continues to break my heart. I know my husbands heart is breaking too and just because he reached the place where living in insanity was no longer an option it didn't mean he didn't still love our son uncondtionally.
Hang in there
My prayers are with you all
Blessings

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lyndebi


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I think you shared he is only 19? I knot this is a hard one. I don't believe in the "bottom." Addiction is a disease, we pray they get to detox and enter a program to get some tools in their box.They may be sober awhile, but go back again, for them, using is normal. That is their passion, their drive.

A persons bottom can happen infinite times in ones life! I would hope he got so sick of being sick he would get help and we would have some, what I called, "good" time for awhile. We did. I soaked in every moment of good time with my A.  Until the disease took his brain completely away and he is now a monster.
Even not using, he is a monster.

I have a nephew,ex AH's side who was slow. drug affected baby. I was so afraid for him too when he had to go "out there." He is very handsome, very, personable but totally borderline personality disorder, adhd, and more. People usually do not know for a long time. It is innate in me to know. I was who kids were brought to to figure out how to help treat them.

N had a good gpa and gma who until gpa relapsed, N went back to meth mom. At 17 meth mom wanted my son to take N in when he got out of jail for ? NO way. My son has two step kids, healthy family.

N ? who knows. Breaks my heart.

I tried to get them to get him on IEP's, to get him all the services available for him.


From what you shared I can tell your son loves you, and does listen.

If you are interested here is my email: debilyn@dishmail.net I am more than happy to share the knowledge, education and experience I gleaned way over 20 years. I LOVED working with teens!

Yes I am nuts! haha

NO worries, not like it is ruining your sons life to bring him back for awhile. I love your husband for caring so much and being so courageous to bring him back home! I have a feeling you guys will be able to help your boy.

I have HUGE hope here. love,debilyn



-- Edited by Karilynn on Saturday 18th of September 2010 07:08:59 AM

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Andrea12


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My heart hugs and prayers go out to you....I have an 18 yr old son and I can understand where you are coming from.

It is so hard to know what to do in these situations.  We love them and we hate what they are doing.

Let God and let Go is not as easy as it sounds I know but dear friend it is my advice.  Hub is going to do it his way son is going to do it his way so you my friend are going to have to do it your way.

May God Grant you the Serenity to find the strength to get thru all the pain.  I will be praying for you and your family.  Please try to hold on to the fact where there is life there is hope. 

With Hope,
Andrea

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> update on our son!