The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has dawned on me, I am ill, that I am NOT even interested in doing anything for anyone anymore.
It is like I am beyond full.
this may be long and boring...
Been working on a home loan mod for so long I have no idea how long. THIS time I have a mortgage recovery guy doing it. I just could not handle the mistakes the mortgage co. made anymore.
We finally thought they had it done. Then the person quit YET again. Then my mortgage guy sends me a form I need to sign via email Aug.30. I am in surgery that day! I am not able to walk or ever talk coherently for days.
I get the signed paper mailed the 4th. I cannot drive, have no one to help. I get a letter from the mortgage co. they CLOSED the file because they did not get the signed thing back! They wrote the letter Sept. 3,10!!!!! I could barely get to the bathroom yet.
The mortgage recovery guy shares I was in hospital. They do not care, it goes back to review, will be 12 weeks before anything is done, it is up to foreclosure Dec. 14,2010. They do not care we have been diligent in everything all these months they have lost my files, claimed to not get faxes which he faxes right back again, people quitting, losing papers he did send, not calling him back, and MORE.
NOw this. PLUS I get charged late fees, attornies fees, allll becuz of them taking so long from their incompitance. Now I have a call in to them. I usually do not deal with them. But am calmly going to talk to a supervisor requesting this be waved and cont. the process as if they got their signed paper the 30th.
Now. Pony. I took in a horse and pony as the gal had to move to Arizona. She said she was going to sponsor them. I heard zero in 3 months. asked her to help with hay. Just $50, or anything. she said she was sending it friday, three weeks ago...
I gave the beautiful Palomino to my neighbor who is loving her to death. The pony is a doll. Young, needs training, needs attention! I put ad on CL. I put make offer, all offers considered to good home. You cannot put free as he will go to auction.
ONE response, they are layed off, but have a barn of hay..so if he needs a vet, hooves done...I did not feel good him going there. He is a beautiful little guy!
Put ad in for the chickens and chicks. I cannot deal with my little dogs going after them, and I have one darn cat who gets them, even bigger ones.
People want them, email me, I answer then nothing. rrrr finally someone says they are coming tonight. do I believe it? no.
Two pots to place. NO I should never have taken them in. They are great pots. bunches of respnnses. Then nothing back after I ask if they would like to see him. NO charge, I want good homes.
Same bs. yes we want him, then they don't call when they say.I never wait for anyone, no one ever calls and says oh we could not make it, never.
I am feeding over 20 cats. I came here with 2. All dumped. all. All are altered. Last eve my neighbors are walking by, we have not spoke since before the surgery. I was finally able to get to the mail box. Was great, then I hear a meow. tiny one.
I am already as down as I think I can be. Was feeling lighter from seeing these two great ladies. Who I must add they wanted to make me feel better! (o: They asked what can we do to make you feel better. I told them if I knew I would do it...
Anyway so NOW I get to deal with yet another dumped kitten. I a in NO shape to be trying to catch it, but I do. Most people cannot catch a cat or kitten once it has been dumped out here. They are so afraid, my friends tried.
My neighbor, doctor was riding his bike home, asked what i was up to, he laughed at me, I told him to keep laughing as when I caught it I was bringing it to his house....(o:
So after it scratched me up I got him into the laundry room where he is happily purring and sleeping in the window box. Ad put on cl. like that will help.
took in a dog as a FOSTER. Gal made the deal, she would pay vet bills, food etc. yes you guessed it, she abandoned her 8 year old dog here. Hooches g daughter. from the movie. I got ahold of Dogue de bordeaux they had a perfect home. So she went to her home up in Vancouver. (o: But again person was a loser.
guess what? Debilyn is so done. i want to go live in a isolated cabin way far away. or go live on some tropical island where my disability money would be like I was a rich person. Open up an orphanage in Africa. That is my dream.
neighbor guy said he would move some sheetrock from the side of my house, I got it out of my house before surgery. suppose to put it in the barn. didn't do it, rained. I got it on top of my car, drove it to the barn and wangled it in, was sore for two days.
Helpers come out feed their own and leave. Oct is their last month here. 3 people lined up to rent the pastures on Sept. first. NOT one showed, not one. NO calls.
someone left a little mobile home on the property, is not messy. they are not paying their taxes on it. It is on my property, but it does not matter, the mobile is not mine.
the stupid assessor put a lean on MY property. they know it is not legal, they know they cannot recover from me. I cannot afford to move it off.
The name on the mobile is someone elses. of course they don't want it. If it was worth anything they would come get it.
Long vent. big sigh, thank you if you have managed to read this mess.
doc told me last friday after ordering a brace for my knee so I can go on walks again.. to have fun. I had trouble not crying the whole visit. He kept looking at me as he went out the door and relooking at me.
I told him it is ok we are making progress. The arthritis is what is causing the pain now so I an go ahead and walk and hike with a brace so my knee does not hyperextend.
I can list a HUGE list of grateful stuff, I KNOW how fortunate I am. But that does not negate the stuff we all need to vent.
I dreamed last night, I love to sleep, only time I am with loved ones, that I walked right into the waiting arms of this guy. It felt good. Was not anyone but it was the someone. uno?
Just called the mortgage company who were as puzzled as I was about them closing the account when I was 100% unavailable. Makes no difference, they will still be idiots.
my stomach hurts. Remembering the serenity prayer. I am changing what I can, letting go of that I cannot control,and am crabby enough to know the difference.
((((lyndebi)))) Oh boy, you've certainly got reasons to vent!!! I've been in similar situations to yours -paying late fees, and other fees, etc. because of someone else's incompetence. Also caring for animals that were not mine because no one else would-they dumped their animals because it was no longer convenient to care for them. Well, some of us just can't look at or treat animals as garbage and will do what we can for them even if it is inconvenient for us. I don't know what to tell you except to say that as hard as things are for you right now, you are the kind of person that makes this world a better place to live in. Hang in there and keep repeating the serenity prayer. And know that other people care. You will be in my prayers.
Oh boy, I hear ya. It is amazing what we see people do on this planet - to each other, to animals, to themselves. The really interesting thing is - and I can't believe I am about to write this because it just all came together as I was typing . . . running this through my head.
They don't make me angry or judgemental anymore (revelation!). I look at people who hurt others and know they are suffering inside. Even if they don't see the wrong, even if they think they are right, any human who does that is suffering in some way, shape or form. When I am hurting I have hurt people. I feel for them. . . I feel for me! And I am grateful for my recovery.
Oh, the mortgage thing. Let me tell ya. You and I both! But it is one step at a time and when you get knocked down you keep trying. As you read in my other post - they sold the house I am buying on the auction block for 25k less than I was offering. Right out from under me - to an investor! I fought. HARD. And I am about to sign loan docs on the house. I got it. The beautiful side of this? I found out who the investor was. Nice family person. So the money I would have paid the bank is going in a family's pocket. I am very happy about that.
As for the animals. I get it. We had 3 or 4 dropped here this summer. Cleaned them up, got them used to us, used to the litterbox and regular food and then off to the shelter. I know they were adopted, they were friggin adorable!! I am not a shelter, I have enough pets of my own. Too many actually.
Breathe in and out honey. One day at a time. We can get through this together. Just keep reachin' for the next rung!
tlc
-- Edited by tlcate on Tuesday 14th of September 2010 10:16:42 PM
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
What about calling a local school (elementary, middle or high school) and asking if there are any kids who would like the experience of helping at a refuge? It could go towards their community service credits they need for graduation. Or any colleges near you? That way you wouldn't have to pay them...all for experience.
Mary, nope the creator has always taken care of each and every one of us here at Eden. Been so so down and homeless, living in that barn and we never went with out needs. never.
I learned sooo much from that being homeless thing. I like me even more. HP knows what he is doing.
(o: I have one donator left. She sends $35 every month! Has for years. Booboo is her white pig who is here. He is a love. He is the one who attacked her and she had to have stitches. he was a mess from being in a dog shelter then having a neuter surgery go bad, crypt orchid. so he was angry and in pain. hmmm sorta like me. well there is hope as i can kiss his snouter now and we nap in the sun together...
um when a person feeds a good food/feed, keeps a routine, they don't get sick. so the expense is not bad. I also buy nothing else. I mean nothing. I need nothing right now. I get cloths at goodwill, i am talking eddie bauer, J crew, etc. $100+ shoes for $20 or less usually. i used to be able to afford extra good quality stuff. Now I find it in the thrift store. many times brand new.
My feather stuff is all from goodwill almost new, just wash it and it is good as. beautiful leather couch for $100 off cl. double recliner, nice CL recliner nice CL. great tv's thrift store.
My antiques are family stuff. someone gave me my car 96 pontiac sunfire, a plastic car but who cares, have my beloved ole guy 78 chevy short bed pickup, more dependable than anyone i know! haha
Mary I live on faith. I really do. I am not usualy so down and sick. I don't do sick well. I do pain ok, but sick no. People crap i do horrible with. I want to see the good in people.
I am heartbroken when people are such turkeys. The gal with cancer who I took her pot pig in, said no she did not want him back even if she got better. He was getting into everything.
I found him a super great home. (o: well hp did and i did the physical stuff...the cancer gal finds out, starts harassing me and tells the dep sheriff I stole him...gads
dep sheriff came out and LOVED it out here. she told him I had 14 dogs and dogs with hangers around their necks...I make wings out of hangers then put ties on them to tie onto them so they cannot get out of the fencing. Be like if you hooked one bend in half to a dog halter.
anyway, Like I shared hon, I have a million gratefuls. We all need to let it out sometimes, blow it out more like. that is what makes me love MIP as we can come here, blow it out. people respond knowing nothing needs to be fixed. we just listen to each other.
I love this. need it in my life. If I get suggestions or advice I love that too, even if it hits a nerve. the nerve ones make me think. I like that.
mary you have blossomed and you are still here. Look where you are now and where you were!
As much as you love animals, maybe someday if you can get into the right place, you could do a second career and take care of a couple animals in your home or do some home pet care there! People have paid me a hundred for a week end!
My daughter does child care i call it organic...no tv only organic food, she is ON for them, for the docs at OHSU! One thing about me and my kids, we make up our own jobs. My son is a fix it guy. His career is a leadman for a remodel co. but he never goes with out by getting out there and doing yard maintenance if he has to.
rain designs jewelry too. has her 5 year degree from Uof O.
i think a lot of my making it hon is I find jobs to do to make some extra. I raised a few chicks, and sold them for fifty bucks yesterday. I could have gotten lots more, but I wanted to "give" at the same time. the people were thrilled and so nice. If I needed something I know I can go to them and them me. I mean farmy stuff.
I think when we have done these personal jobs for people, and being fair, it always comes back to you. I never ever expect anything. its like we get out there a little and things can happen.
sometimes the turkeys get me down. the dep sheriff said, yes people can be funny. meaning strange. and he sees it all.
I think hon being physicaly sick, tummy hurts, then the surgery meds poisoned me, I don't have the stamina I usually do. Plus I am alone too much.
I wish there was some way to get you some more finances. You have so much to give. what about dog walking??/ I would LOVE to do that in a big city, what a hoot. I am too old now, they would pull me all over! haha,
