The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know it takes time, I know I've got along way to go...but depression hit hard tonight....no precipitating event (that I can think of), just suddenly life seemed black again. I'm trying to find happiness within myself and so far coming up mostly empty....I can divert my attention at times doing things I like but as soon as it's done, I lose the feeling. Sometimes even things i like, like playing guitar, frustrate me because I can't play what I want to play. I don't like how negative I am....geez, no wonder...ah forget it....
I wonder if I was always this bad, and when it will get better.
i cant tell you when it will get better, but it will. i have been separated from my ah for almost a year now, and i can say that i could have just been living there with him as much as my mind and thoughts have been on him. my therapist even told me that i mine as well just move back in with him!! i am so thankful to have found this mip board and found a sponsor!! al anon has helped me so much, and given me the support i have needed during this transformation of where the old me dies, and the new me is born. just keep your chin up, it will get better.
God I wish I could still play guitar. Lost my hearing and frequency detection so I can't even tune my Takamine much less play it. It's up for sale as we speak and I'm sad. I'll not be able to play and sing the songs I wrote and my favorite hymns and local music. It is what it is.
I can tell you when it gets better and when it did for me regarding the alcoholic wife in my life. When I learned how to accept her unconditionally just exactly for who she was at anyone time and not want to have her different for any reason...that is when it got better for me. My happiness wasn't contingent upon her and I was free. Loved her? Yeah and had no need to be hooked into her. It was much better.
It arrives after practice of these principles in all our affairs and having a more solid vertical relationship with my HP than I have on any other level.
Hi and thank you for your post. I dont know when it will get better, but if you work the program there is one thing for certain that will happen, you will get better!! We didnt get this way overnight and we dont get better overnight, but little by little, one day at a time:) Please keep coming back and thank you, blessings your way.
I think what I have to keep reminding myself is that I am sick.
This is not just about alcoholism.
I think I became really ill throughout the years my husband abuse.
I have to remember that i am working this program for me
I have to live one day at a time. Yesterday had gone and tomorrow is not something i can predict....but today I can experience my day.
While I'm feeling the symptoms of my sickness i know that its my job to be kind to myself and to look after my HALT.
H HUNGRY. Have I eaten properly today. Am I taking enough fluids
A ANGRY. Am I accepting and feeling my emotions. Am I taking a gratitude list
L LONELY. Am i taking the time to find company. Am I using my Alanon phonelist and talking to people who understand. Am I going to face to face meetings and taking my Alanon medicine.
T TIRED. Am I making sure I look after my sleep routine or am I on the computer at 2am or drinking lots of caffeine and lying awake wondering why i can't sleep. Am I exercising enough so that I can sleep well.
Its taken me a long time to take my focus off the negative effects of my husbands drinking and begun to realise that I have a role in getting well that I can work on.
For me serenity is something I am searching for on a daily basis. If something is stealing my ability to experience serenity is because I am allowing it to happen.
I have a condition on top of this called chronic fatigue Syndrome. Believe me I find it all difficult too. I've run out of energy this week after going on a holiday and therefore have the symptoms of flu.
I know i have to be extra kind to myself for a while.
The radio is good for me. music is brilliant for lifting my mood. I know the frustration of not being able to play an instrument as well as I would like. So for now I don't torture myself and play something really easy or listen to someone else who can....
People have said such helpful things. One thing I want to add was that my depression was there because I wasn't working on my life. I diverted myself from the depression by trying to fix the A's life. Because it could never be fixed, I never was done, which meant I could successfully avoid my own life for ages. When I finally was left with nothing but my own life -- because I detached from my A -- it was, well, sobering. I had almost no practice at supporting myself and making my own life good. Just as A's in recovery have to learn how to live good lives from the ground up, we have to learn too. It's not instant. But I notice that if I pay attention to the things I feel good about, they expand little by little. I hope the same will be true for you too.
One thing I was thinking recently about the same subject is to focus on the improvements you have made. Focus on the good rather than the bad. I know I did not think I would make those improvements and I did so I can move on forward
Just a quick reply No one can tell you when it will get better, it happens in God's time not ours. But I can tell you if you really work the program. the steps and apply the concepts your miracle is out there waiting for you to grab it. As someone stated above I think alot of it comes with accpetance.... for me MJ just working through step 1 took me 10 months. I was discouraged many a time and when i got discouraged i turned immeditaly to my alanon family to get me back on track. I am still working at the serenity so many have found here. I get moments of it and then it disappears but as long as I am making progress I am doing well. Keep working the program and applying the tools and you will get there. Blessings
wow Xeno. 10 months. It took me over a year just to do step 4 hehe just shows how individual this program is.... I'm a slow learner but its all really worth it. Amazing journey. I for one am quite grateful to qualify to be a part of it. I'm not saying I am grateful for any of the abuse but I really am grateful for the opportunity to learn how to be in relationship with with myself and Higher Power
MJ for me I learned to accept I am depressed. Let it be. Then do my best to not make decisions unless I have to, if things start to go thru my head, I stop them and sorta put cotton over them.
It is hard for anyone to be happy in this world. We thankfully have serene times. I find it scarey myself when I realize,"crap I am down again."
I know for me naps help. Sounds weird but for me it helps. Depression is a chemical thing inside us, so taking care of the basics helps, good food, water, move your body, stopping the negative thoughts helps too.
I am going to share, my kitchen faucet is broken. I cannot fix it. I got upset and pushed all the dishes etc on the floor. OH there is my spoon, my bowl, my forks.....I realized the stress of always having to find something to wash and use was stressful. Little thing maybe.
This morn I told myself, ok ONE Thing at a time. So I pick up one or two things, wash dry and put them away. Feels better!
I am painting my bathroom. It is ready for a second coat. I love it. I do what I can and leave the rest and that is OK.
Walking is great to boost ya some. You shared you have a dog. I love to goof around with my dogs and really watch them, accept them playing with me and enjoy their attention.
though the good feelings may be tiny, I feel better.
It is hard when we have a spouse we need things from, but yet the way that things are, we don't want it from them! And we know it is wrong to find it elsewhere.
I had to learn to really separate myself from that one.
Now I am alone mj. In a very bad funk. Today feels lighter, but I tell ya life loves to pour it on!.
So like I shared I am washing one thing at a time. (o:
Yeah, I'm going to do another post on how I'm trying to fight this....
I'm afraid that everyone including my therapist is hinting that I'm going to be alone or lonely the rest of my life and therefore I should get used to it and try to find happiness in being alone....that sucks.....that will take some getting used to. More on this later.
