The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH wanted to come to our home next week and I told him I was not ready to see
him. I have three tests next week and work on tuesday, teaching wed night class,
and taking care of my three girls. Our anniversary is Tuesday. He texted me practically demanding that I leave our daughter with him while I go to school. I told him I didn't
think that was a good idea. I didn't say why. I just told him it wasn't a good idea. I
started shaking. Previously, he had such a hold on me. I would have jumped at every
demand he made, rationalizing that my daughter would be ok with him, he isn't that
bad,etc. Just dealt with a lot of guilt feelings and fear at first. I have always made the effort
when it comes to seeing his daughter. He is trying to make me bring him to her--after
all, I am the one who left and I am the reason he doesn't see our daughter. (That is
what he has said to me). But I actually woke up this morning feeling really good
about not allowing him to push me around with guilt and manipulation. He is so angry
at me, I guess I just gave him a new excuse to use. I think that is what it is all about.
He just seems to search endlessly for injustices done to him so that he can use.
I know!! Enough about him!! I'm taking my girls today to get their toes and fingers
painted, and my oldest daughter is getting her ears pierced! Praying that I will just
relax and have a good time!! I appreciate this MIP board.
I would love to watch you guys giggling getting your toes done! (o:
Good for you for saying no, that is very ok!
Glad you come here and vent it out too! Your attitude is very healthy.
I learned to put the ex ah in hp's hands. NOT my problem. If he aways depends on you to bring him to the kids, bring them to him, and you put a boundary up that says, nope I won't be doing that, in time he will stop asking.
Sadly for A's I learned to watch what they do, not what they say. The disease causes them to try to have constant drama. I will kill myself, I will leave, I want a divorce, IF you don't do this well I will do that.
In my experience, they NEVER do it. I showed my AH the door many times. When he threatened to burn the house down I called the sheriff, that stopped that.
They are sick, we do not have to listen to insanity.
There is the choice to not talk to him also. Block his calls, etc. that is an option that has saved many here.
The A disease does not want to go down alone. I for one made the decision to cut the rope, drop the rock, cut the cord, etc.
Congratulations, Kath, for standing your ground. I have a daughter who is 10 and can tell you that we have such a great mother daughter time when we go for our mani-pedi's. So don't give your AH power by letting thoughts of him screw up your good time. Have fun!
I don't know why an A uses. Certainly some of them seem to seek excuses and foster resentments. That is indeed why a program like AA is so essential for them to recover and improve their relations. Some people do indeed manage to stop drinking on their own but their behavior generally doesn't change unless they can become aware of it.
In al anon we stop over reacting, we put ourselves into the equation. We gain some objectivity from the alcoholic/addict. We stop being over responsible for everything.
I'm glad you are here.
Remember the three C's, you didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it.
