The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Talked to therapist about transference issues I was having...basically she's the only woman I can remember that treated me well......
She was amazing...we discussed transference issue in depth...she assured me that she wouldn't abandon me and that we could use this to further my recovery....and then touched on other issues related to this....wow....
She was great...........I know I'm not in love...but boy do I feel lucky to have her...
sigh......unfortunately...this is the best relationship with a female I"ve ever had.......I wish it could be real one day....sigh........could I ever find anyone that would be so accepting......loving...and caring........sigh.....
So glad you've found a good therapist, that is so important. And at least this should give you hope that there really are many wonderful people out there!
love from denise
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
Glad you told her, I knew she would understand. I know you can't leave your wife right now because of your daughter but when the time comes remember this saying "if you want to find Ms. Right let go of the Ms. Wrongs" As you grow in this program you will start to make better choices, your self esteem will be much higher, and you will hopefully have the knowledge to carefully pick the women you want in your life. A woman who will treat you with the respect you deserve. And will GIVE to the relationship instead of being a TAKER. She is out there somewhere and when the time is right HP will put her in your path Blessings
This is what I get from you share. Carefully said.
We have something we call 13th stepping in AA Al Anon etc. When our feelings for someone overcome our goal to focus on Al Anon.
For someone to say,"I know I am not in love." Only proves that person has thought about it. IF there were no confused feelings there, it would not come up.
"She is the only woman who has treated me well, she won't abandone me, she assured me...."
I invite you to reread your last sentence. It is very clear what you are saying!!
You wish it could be real one day??
I am not in your head and heart but I know where you are with her.
Again, if it were me I would ask her to recommend a male therapist.
Play reversies, would you say all this about a male therapist?
There is no way one can mature with therapy when they are feeling like this.
It is one thing to be grateful, this is not it.
I see you as starving for female attention. OF COURSE the way you feel is not abnormal! It only shows you are mixed up!
I don't see anything wrong with the way you feel about your therapist. I think its part of the course to idealize them for a while. In theory the idealization doesn't last for ever. If you are really working on yourself you can get to the issues underneath those feelings which is where the real grist for the mill is.
maresie, that's it exactly....as we processed those feelings, all sorts of stuff came up.....I made more progress out of that one session than in the past 5-6 combined. One thing of which is my habit of telling little lies or exagerating in order to protect myself. I'd read somewhere that and adult child will "lie even when they don't have to". Now don't get me wrong I'm basically honest and don't lie about where I've been, or done etc. more about how I feel. I've often said in session...."I don't really care about that, or It doesn't matter to me, it didn't bother me...etc."
I think my HP gave me this woman for a reason as a therapist...I'd originally gone to a man who couldn't get me in his schedule and gave me to one of his colleages.
I'm up on what transference is, was very surprised it happened at all, let alone after year and half because I was on guard for it the minute I met the woman therapist...having never had a woman for that in the past. I've read all about how it works and know that it's a powerful tool if the therapist is skilled in how to deal with it...and she was.
In one session, I got over it because it was addressed so well (now who knows if it will pop up again)...I literally no longer have the thought and feelings I had. And I walked out as if a tremendous weight had been lifted...probably mostly because fo the underneath stuff that came out....some of which I hadn't been conscious of or suppressed my whole life.
And that's what a good therapist will do. Transference is one of the tools in the therapeutic tool kit - my therapist has used it to help me process long-bottled-up rage.
Two things I have heard in recovery that I think about often.
We attract people like ourselves. If we are unhealthy, we attract unhealthy people.
And then tie into that . . .
What would your list be for the perfect partner? Now go out and be that person.
Sounds harsh, not saying you are sick or unhealthy . . . but we could all use improvement. I know I sure need more and strive for it daily.
That second part really is something I keep forefront. Not so much if finding Mr. Right, I am really content alone and not searching - not ready to share my life with anyone. But it will also help me surround myself with healthy friends! Now that is a GREAT value.
You sure are working it!!
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Gee Tricia, that was great....I like that about making the list and trying to be all the things we want others to be.....oddly, I've been alone for a long stretch of my life (up until age 36. I was always able to amuse and enjoy and occupy myself but I also felt something was missing. Even now, i can enjoy a sunset...somehow I enjoy it more with someone else.
