The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I talked my son into going to a rehab program after his court apperance yesterday, I told him as long as he stayed in rehab (it's a Celebrate Recovery associated) and work the program I would help with the fine, but if he didn't I wouldn't pay and the police will picked him up he would just go to jail. He went and I was beginning to think there was a little light at the end of the tunnel.
I got the call this morning after one night stay that he ran and since it wasn't court ordered that he go into the program they can't pick him up until this fine payment is late in about four weeks. My sister and I drove around town (we live in a small town) until we found him and brought him back to rehab.
But I don't have any hope he will stay, I am sick, sick, sick.
If he winds up on the street I will have to accept it, my sister isn't as strong minded about it but that is up to her. I have done all I can do for now.
I have turned on my TV and I am going to enjoy the football game tonight.
You have done what can be done to support your son's recovery. The rest his for him and his HP. Great job in diverting yourself with football. Yours in support, Rocky
Rocky is right - you have done all you can do. It's now up to him. We are truly powerless. I had to come to the same realization about my AH. I told him I would help him get back into treatment if he wanted to go. Other than that, he will get no help from me. He is now panhandling to get money for booze every day, and I am making plans to move on with my life. I know that it's even that much harder to do that when it's your child.
(((Dreams))) I am so sorry for your pain. I believe everything happens for a reason and even though we don't know why now, hopefully the answers will come at some point in the future. Living with AH can be tough, I can't imagine the pain that comes with having an AS. You have done just about everything that you can possibly do for him, now he needs to take the rest of this journey alone. Bringing him back to rehab is about all you could do, he has to want sobriety. Put the focus back on you and let your AS work on himself. Peace to you, Dreams.
As you well know.....if he's not ready, no matter what you or the courts or anyone does, he will not work on getting himself healthy....all you can do at this point is not enable, be there for his legitimate needs and take care of yourself...best wishes that things work out.
Try allowing him the dignity for the consequences of his choices. "Admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable" is pretty good vision and acknowlegement for me. Yes it took awhile and I had to accept when I was done did not in the least mean that she was. I stopped and she kept going until she stopped and the one person that was there for her when she did was her HP. When the pain gets intense enough many of them stop. I use to drive all over trying to find my own alcoholic rushing from bar to bar all across town. Thank God I never found her. There were times the cops and the ambulance found her before I did and that was so much more better than it would have been because they knew how to help and I didn't have a clue.
I didn't have any power over the game tonight either. About the only power I had was to get one field goal to hook left and still the Vikings lost. Gotta go practice my voodoo chants. Bleeeah!! Hope you and your sister make a meeting soon.
I jumped up for the ex A more times than I could count. Drama seems to be part of the equation. Chaos and intrigue and secrecy also seem to be there. I spent years "guessing" what was next.
I think its very very hard to take the focus back on ourselves. I am so glad you can turn it over.
Sometimes we just have to let them go and make thier own mistakes. I know you do not want to see him in jail...but whatever it takes to keep him alive comes to mind.
If he leaves and doesn't complete the program, which by the way is just the beginning then your hands are tied. Let the cards fall where they may and don't help him pick them up.
Just my opinion, take what you need and leave the rest.
