The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Came in from work today - had a conversation with AH about what the doctor had said when he went yesterday - he was giving me positive feedback and I said I was pleased he was making an effort.
For those who haven't read any of my previous posts AH has been very ill and hospitalized with the effects of drinking. He came close to dying but came through, came home and has seemed to be trying to make an effort and is physically much better.
Then, an hour later, I went into his room to find him with a bottle of brandy in his hand! I despair, I really do. I don't know why I keep expecting him to change; maybe I'm the eternal optimist - or maybe sadly disillusioned. I just feel really disappointed.
They always seem to catch us off guard dont they. No matter how many times we have been thru it, it still surprises us when we see the proof in front of us.
I think you know I have been separated from the XAH, which has really helped me in the detachment department. After 26 years of it, I figured I deserved the break.
Still a few months ago, the A almost died also and was told by the Dr. if he drank again, he would probably die. I still thought, surely this is it for him. This is the 4th or 5th time he has almost died, but by far the closest he ever came. This disease is so compulsive and strong, they still try to figure out ways they can drink and still live. They themselves dont even know how cunning it is.
Dont beat yourself up for feeling disillusioned. We can still always be hopeful as long as they are alive. I have though, finally accepted that death could be the bottom, but still detaching and realizing that it really is out of my hands. I admire you for your staying power and your strength. Luv, Bettina
I have been where your at tatty and like it says in our literature somedays this is just too much for us to deal with .. like you i got to see how powerful this disease really is , cunning baffling and powerful 3 words i have a great deal of respect for today . allowing the alcoholic to live or die the way he chooses is the hardest thing I have ever done.. your husb has a HP too and will take him where he needs to go . My husb drank himself to near death twice( he was dry for 9 months and went out again) before he chose to try sobriety, for the last 2 yr s of his drinking he drank to die because he truly believed he could not live with out alcohol, he finally said it was just too painful to drink any more and decided to try sobriety that was 20 yrs ago this month .there are miracles tatty and your husb hopfully will find his ..there is always hope never give up .
Tatty...expecting change works out best when it's your own change that your working for. I got into Al-Anon partly because my expectations were all on my alcoholic wife's shoulders and she was the one under the control of a mind and mood altering chemical that she was compulsed to use even when she didn't want to. I am very very fortunate that we use to read the definition of alcoholism before every meeting when I first found the doors of Al-Anon because it helped me to realign my awareness and then my expectations. Alcoholism is a hugely perverse disease. Hugely. It takes a power greater than it for the alcoholic and family to find sanity. (((hugs)))
Change is possible if it's in your AH and his HP's plan, it's the expectations that get us in trouble. After many dashed expectations in my relationship with my AH, I really turned my attention to myself. In his last year, there were many periods of sobriety that were my AH's idea with the help of his HP. These were icing on the cake, but I am the cake!
