The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been many weeks now. Debilyn has grown up in many ways. After kicking effexor, which I would avoid at all costs had I known how horrible it is to get of, I am back.
I was too mellow, the effexor allowed me to suck up and swallow things I now do not.
No more allowing anyone to take advantage of me, even when they don't mean to. I board horses, people don't show up, don't send deposits, I don't wait, it is a red flag they are not dependable. go away.
My boarders now, asked if they could help me, I had to have surgery again. Told her where the feed/hay was, put bowls up on the fence.
Day after surgery, i sleep felt good to rest. She did came, fed her own and left. I was livid.
I usually would have asked what happened, take it, not say anything . Not anymore. She said she did not understand what to do. ? Someone is sick, you said you would help, so do it. Ya don't just leave!
She knew where the feed was, she has boarded here for over a year. They trade helping as part of their board, but have done nothing but cause more work for me for months.
My fault if I take it. I let her know I was angry, She could not answer how she thought just feeding hers would help me. She wanted to come out the rest of the time> I said no, I cannot depend on you. She then gets upset. OMG.
No more games for me. I have learned not many people are dependable, I usually will not take offers to help me, this is why. The neighbor helped me by getting my car back from the hospital with my son bringing me home. He KNOWS to shut gates.
He let my Great Pyr out and Bon newfy x They take off. I am out in the dark on crutches hours from surgery yelling for them. I am on dilaudid seeing my Pyr dead on the side of the road. was horrible.
The neighbors go to bed. I have been up for hours and here come the dogs who have been sprayed by a skunk.
gads. All this will be funny someday, not yet.
All bs. worse bs I took from AH. Now I am done with it. I see red flags I pay attention and do not put up with it, I don't give anymore. I feel if I do, then I am allowing someone to take advantage of me.
I am NOT taking on anyones drama anymore. My gal boarding her animals said, well this is not like you. I said yes it is me, I just am not swallowing anyone elses poop any more. It makes me sick.
I also told her it is fine to be who she is, do things like she does, but I am not going to be part of it. My way is not to talk to someone else about it and do nothing. My way is to nip it and not put up with it.
When I was sick from AH's crap, those eggshells were so beautifully formed from me being ever so careful not to crack one up. Now they are tiny shards. heck with someone one elses bs.
That is their problem not mine.
I like me too much, I love earth too much, I love so many good people, that I refuse to waste my guts on bolony.
To me when things are awful, it is not coming from my HP, the creator. So I get as far away from it as I can.
So I like this person who has NO AH, no effexor to climb into her body and rot her from the inside out.
Life can be light, and love, and hard work. I have been homeless, loveless, in pain, tortured from AH's disease. I choose light and love, hope you do too.
I get it. I think I am in the phase you were in (minus the effexor). I am enjoying the peace of no drama in my life so much that I am staying quiet about things, but starting to feel some things brewing inside. For me, the trick is learning how to communicate effectively to give myself peace while leaving the drama where it belongs. Sounds like you are doing well with that.
I've missed you here on the board. Glad you have kicked the effexor and I wish you quick healing!
I love your posts.
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Welcome back!! Glad to hear you are doing better. It also sounds like you have come a long way in your recovery and are doing well. I am so sorry to hear what happened to you after your surgery.
I am learning to depend on myself and a few select others. I have been trampled too many times to even count. Now, I trust a few friends, a few family members, and my Alanon family. I used trial and error and lots of thought. I can still be cordial to these "other" people, but I won't confide, trust, or ask for any favors from them. I find too, I don't need the drama. I also had a couple of friends that seemed to "feed" on my AH's addiction. Then THEY could run to all our other friends and do the whole "that poor family, what they go through..." Blah, blah, blah.... Don't want to be surrounded by "those" people any more. They helped keep me sick. It's kind of funny, now that my AH is in recovery and doing well, they don't seem to come around much and the husband to this couple, was my husband's "best" friend for many, many years. Now he seems uncomfortable around him. (He is still a hard drinker, maybe it makes him look at his own drinking...)
It's funny how the Alanon slogans keep coming up in my life now. I find myself saying to people, "say what you mean and mean what you say" and others. I find myself applying the principles in just about everything that I do. I really does work if you work it and I am learning so much.
Thank you for your post, and, I'm sorry for your loss.
I relate to your post regarding asking for help and also regarding peculiar boarders.
Asking for help never came easy for me, and, I, too, am often disappointed.
Recently, a boarder changed her horse's routine, which would have been fine, if it did not disturb my horse from eating his dinner. She does not think my horse missing his meal was a big deal and cannot understand why I am upset.
Working this program is helping me start to feel comfortable in my skin, despite any craziness around me.
i agree with taking too much from people. I took it all from the ex A. Now I set a lot of boundaries. Of course people do not like it. I own that I did not have good boundaries in the past, people took advantage of me. I did not make it a priority I was still stuck on people pleasing and enmeshment.
I am so sorry there was no one there to look out for you when you were sick. I know I have no one to help me when I am sick and sometimes I find that scary. I do think animals are very sensitive and have a lot of forgiveness. I slept in one morning and Pepi my lab/akita mix smelled meat upstairs she went up starving and the woman who lived up stairs acted like she was a lion or something! She came downstairs screaming, its pretty natural for a dog to be very very interested when they smell meat! I used to really internalize that kind of drama now I know what's me and what's them.
