The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You have found the right place and you are not alone anymore. Step one in the Al-Anon program states "We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable". We are all here because we have been effected by someone else's drinking. You have no control over your son drinking, the disease dictates his every waking moment. Alcoholism is best described as cunning, baffling, and powerful, taking over the mind, body, and spirit of the alcoholic. He and he only can seek recovery from this disease and only then with the help and support of his Higher Power.
In the Al-Anon program the first thing we are told is to take care of ourselves first by putting the focus on ourselves rather than the alcoholic in our life. Maria that is not selfish because we become as sick or sicker than the A in our life without realizing it. We need help and recovery because our health and well being has been effected. There is a place to find that help and it is in the rooms of Al-Anon at face to face meetings where you will be surrounded by loving and caring members who are walking or have walked in your shoes. They will understand as perhaps no one else can. Please check the phone book in your area for a meeting near you, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Your son is going to do what he is going to do, more important what are you going to do. Give the program a try you have nothing to lose. Al-Anon has been a life saver for million of people world wide, I know because I'm one of them.
Glad you found us, keep coming back, but most important you are not alone anymore.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 2nd of September 2010 10:32:39 PM
Aloha Maria...Alcoholism is truely cunning, powerful and baffling and HP is is more cunning, powerful and baffling. I suggest you find the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups (white pages of your telephone book Al-Anon ) and call for meeting places and times and go as quickly as you can. In the mean time ponder this, it's called the 3Cs (cees) You didn't cause it, can control it and cannot cure it so find a power greater than yourself and turn it and him over and hang with MIP till the meeting starts. Alcoholism is a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body. It is a progressive disease that if not arrested by total abstinence will result in insanity and/or death. What screws that all up is a power greater than ourselves when after we surrender all of the sickness and pain has and will alter the course of the disease so many times. Your son may be looking hard for help right now and I pray HP puts another recovering alcoholic in his path. Keep trusting, hoping and praying and get to the meetings. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you RLC and Jerry. I have been in Al-Anon for a few weeks and I have been in Coda for 7 years. It's just that since my son became homeless I sunk into a depression. He's been an extreme alcoholic since 16 with many arrests and dramas you would not believe.
I do feel a little better this morning and not so depressed. I am living for this moment and no other.
Heyas Maria... Wow...what a horrible tought situation. It's a TERRIBLE affliction these people we love suffer from...
Do wat Jerry sdaid lol... but I ahve some words on depression...
I can tell you that depression, for me...is ANGER turned inwards. You know...it's the hardest thing in the world the LOVE someone (like we love our children!) and feel anger towards them as well! It's almost so conflicting, that our minds have to shut partly down, and go on numb. Too much!
I suffered with depression for many many years, horrible debilitating depression that probably brought more insanity to my house than alcohol did. Well..I'm sure of that because my house was sober for 10 years.
My anger was from childhood and things that would come upm didnt know ow to deal with.
This program is goign to be your answer. But the tough part is while every nerve fibre in your maternal being is SCREAMING to go and save this kid..the only thing you can do, and the BEST thing you can do...is SAVE YOURSELF. Be an example of a life well lived, of strugle which overcomes and strength that endures. BE THAT PERSON for YOU.
There's the tricky part. FOR YOU. Because you YOU are a devine perfect being. and so is your son...but he won't see that yet. Only you cna find you.
Meetings, literature, keeping centered and focused on making healthy decisions for your mind...EMPOWER yourself to get out of that depression.
Stop it in its tracks. Do something kind for yourself..today. now. Like...brush your teeth, wear clothes you feel beautiful in, and put some make-up on. take care of your outsides...and your insides will feel better too.
Hope you're well...hang in there and keep coming back! :)
I am sorry you are going thru this. My son is an addict ( sits in jail rehab today) and I can only pray something clicks with his or he to will be jobless and homeless. We have told him no more coming home. We kept cudhioning his bottom...and frankly after serval OD's and Jail etc I've no idea what his bottom is. My fear of course is death. Upon his release we have told him we will get him into a sober living home and then we will hand him over to HP. Obviously nothing we have tried has worked and HP is the only one who can save him of our son is willing. So I know you dilemma and feel your pain. As parents we never give up hope for our children and as Parents of alcholoics or addicts we endure more disappointment and helplessness that anyone should have to go through. You are no longer alone. Pleas continue going to alanon meetings and working those steps. I know it has saved my life and sanity. Prayers and Blessings to you and your son!
From my experience also Depression as "Anger turned inward" was higher education really. I went to college on the disease of addiction and part of that of course is the emotional affect of it. Depression is always there. If it's not you've got a pretty tight program and have learned about anger turned inward. Just a little part of my own depression came from the feeling less than. I couldn't control life and outcomes and because of that I was less than because wasn't everyone else taking care of what I wasn't able to. I got angry at myself and the situation and the people around me ended up feeling hopeless and helpless and keep it all inside and became more and more depressed. The only solutions to to this condition for me (and I have paid more money per 50 minute hour than some) came from the 12 step 12 tradition, spiritual based, social model recovery program of Al-Anon. There I said it!! That is how we are described by others and our program works. I don't put alot of negative stuff in side of myself anymore and anger is one of them. Mahalo Rain...(((((hugs)))))
I know what you are feeling, I am a mother of an addicted son, and it is going from bad to worse.
I live with the same fear of him dying, and not ever seeing the wonderful boy I knew ever again.
My heart and understanding go out to you.
People here are wonderful.
Come back.
Dreams"
Dreams, yes, you know how deeply painful it is. I miss the boy I raised. It is like a death since addiction took over his mind and body. After 21 years I am realizing I may not get him back and I have to prepare my mind and my heart for that. I have to be realistic. I do believe in miracles and I open for one but still........
