The material presented
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level.
It's been awhile since I posted about my AMom. I am a 44 yr old woman struggling with loving my mom and taking the high road when she says hatefilled things to me on the phone or via email and recently facebook. At the end of April she started picking at me about everything important or not. It got to the point I had to take some time away from talking to her. She brings up giving me money(I have never asked her or anyone for money but she has helped me at different times) and I think she expects that should make it ok to be mean and I should forgive. She brings up our fights when I was a teenager and we argued but now I am realizing that it was pretty normal or that she pushed me(dad and I have talked alot). Again, I am now 44. I know alot of this is from the disease. I try to just respond to the positive in her emails but then she always finds something to pick at. The most recent was asking after my brother(he has a head injury but is group home doing well) and me and my husband. She then brought up something negative. I responded to our welfair as fine and how my visit went with brother(weekly plus) and not to the negative. She wrote back asking about money she gave me two years ago for fixing something in my house and said I shouldn't spend money on my stepgrandkids that she gives me. Ok, no I haven't fixed the something but will...that money is there. It's not a priority. The fact that I will do things for my family has nothing to do with her money. I never told her it wasn't done. She just came up with it. So back to only the positive. I think I won't respond. I am so tired of trying to say the right thing.
I have asked her to seek help a few times. I told her I am getting help from Al Anon and ofcourse that was never responded to. She just skips over the fact that she needs to talk to someone and try treatment again. She attempted last November and was in detox then AA for a few months. Thank you for letting me vent. I love this place, need this place. I am lucky to have a loving husband and father who support me and pick me up when I get hurt. Cuteamy
Hi Cuteamy! I so relate to your post. In recent years it has been my alcoholic husband who has given me the grief but from my late teenage years my mother was alcohol dependant. There were four of us children but it always seemed to be me who was picked on. She would phone me all hours of the night and day - very embarrassing as I was a student nurse living in a shared flat and this was before mobile phones so I would get an exasperated "it's your mother - again!" from whichever unfortunate flatmate happened to answer the phone. Later she resented that I got married and "shared" my affections with my husband. She turned up in the maternity ward when I had my first child and, standing by the baby's cot, whipped out a bottle of gin from under her coat and took a swig! Funnily enough, I never stopped loving her and was heartbroken when she died at 67 from lung cancer (she was a life-long smoker).
Funny, isn't it, no matter how old you are, your parents can still affect your emotions and your life and you feel helpless to prevent that. Sorry - I haven't offered much comfort. I just wanted you to know - you are not alone. Many others have gone through or are going through similar situations to yourself
Be brave, be determined and try not to let her affect your obviously happy family life. Good luck!
Thank you very much. I have been having a hard time now that I know I spent 25 years thinking I was a bad person and the reason she was always mad. Then she loves me and I am her best friend and then I can't do anything right. This is so stressful. It makes me sad that so many people deal with the same things with their AOther. Thanks for listening
As u well know there is nothing u can do about mom and her attitude its booze talk treat it as such and let it go ,now the money u say u still have- that you can do something about . give it back end of discussion..
