The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted a few days ago that my AH relapsed after 9 months of sobriety. I was determined to not get involved with his disasters. However, that didn't quite happen. I let him come back to live with me for a couple of days. He's currently on probation, and his probation officer suggested he go to this detox facility. He needed to go - he's back to drinking at least a fifth of vodka a day. So, I drove him. It's just so hard for me to literally watch him ruin his life and probably kill himself. I know in my head that I am powerless over his alcoholism. I KNOW that, and I believe it. However, it's my heart that's keeping me detaching. I'm finding it hard to separate the two. I really want to, because, I am so sick of dealing with this. He was literally passed out on our deck before we left. I had to practically carry him to the car. AND, if that wasn't bad enough, he gave me the finger when I left him at the detox facility. :) Seriously though, it is truly sad to watch.
I just don't know what to do most of the time. I've truly relapsed myself - and I recognize it. I want to tell him "you're on your own pal," but, how do you just watch someone you love go down the tubes?
"He" is very sick and the guy you really love is behind that dark curtain of alcoholism. It was sickness that gave you the finger after you did the best you could from love. Now let go...turn him over to your HP and don't snatch him back. Good job. Lately I just practice calling the paramedics cause the term I think of when they are under the drug is "intoxification or poisoned". I don't have the skill to handle that and and never had ceptn to dial 911.
You did the best you could with what you have...congradulations. Way to go!! ((hugs))
You were helping him get help. You were not enabling him to drink.
I know its difficult, but dont beat yourself up. We decide what we feel is right in our hearts, nobody can direct our actions or instincts.
You know what else helps me, I even have detached by projecting that the xah is going to die . Even though 60 days ago he almost died. Its still not up to me to project or think he will die if he keeps on drinking, it is out of our hands really.
It is sad to watch, but I couldnt help laugh out loud when you said he gave you the finger when you left him. Thats classic!!!
You did it , its over now you can take this time to get back to you, I dont see it as a relapse. Just hop back on the recovery road.
I actually laughed out loud when he gave me the finger!!
Thank you Bettina and Jerry for the kind words. I will definitely use this time to get back to me. In fact, I am meeting some people from Alanon for dinner tonight then going to a meeting afterwards.
I'm so grateful for the support I find here on this site. :) Thanks again.
Sorry you are suffering.....living in the disease with the addict is just he**......I know that it hurt when he gave you the finger just remember he was not him he was consumed by the addiction that haunts his every moment.
Give yourself a break he is in good hands....try and do something just for you even if it is to take a hot bath and just breathe.
