The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's hard for me to feel gratitude as a general feeling because I'm angry, sad and frustrated about my marriage and how my wife's behavior negatively impacts my daughter, plus the fact that I'm pretty helpless to do anything about it. I can defend my daughter, thus causing a fight, which upsets my daughter (talk about a "Sophie's Choice), but even then when I 'm not home I can't do anything. I feel I have a legitimate beef, that I'm being denied a 'basic' in human existence, that is a marriage that at least isn't destructive in anyway. I know I can't expect a wonderful marriage with a warm, supportive partner, but I feel I have a right to expect that I wont' be attacked verbally, demeaned at times, criticized, and ignored and that it won't happen to my daughter either. That said, I am trying to learn to be grateful for parts of my life. I've realized to paint everything black is not realistic, anymore than having a "pollyanna" attitude. There are many good areas in my life. And I'm beginning to learn to appreciate them. It may not "fix my life" but realizing that not everything's black gives some relief. Just some....but it's a start.
hi (((mjhyankees))) I know it's hard to see progress when you seem to be in the eye of the storm, but I can feel you getting a bit stronger every time you post. I truly believe that those few moments when you can see and appreciate the good things in your life will become more plentiful with each passing day. Stay strong, stay hopeful, and keep coming back here and sharing all you are experiencing, good and bad. I, for one, am pulling for you, and I'm sure I'm not the only one! I can't wait until I read that 'just some' has become 'a great deal'.
love from denise
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The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
You are getting stronger, I also feel it with every post And thats the whole point of this program, none of us got here overnight and we aren't going to change over night. We take baby steps when we need to a big leaps when we are ready. Keep posting an learning Blessings
I have noticed the change in your posts, glad to see that you are aware of your progress as well. Seeing that helps us continue on.
The nice thing for me was that as things got clearer and I started to feel better, I was more capable of resolving the large issues that did seem they would be forever "black". When we are in the thick of our own insanity, the world is spinning so fast and our pain and anger are so consuming it is hard to sit down and see a logical, best for everyone (especially ourselves) resolution to the problem.
After the dust settles, we have found some serenity, and learned to use some of our tools - answers often present themselves and the light shines on the "black spots".
Your are doing great!!
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
You may well have a "legitimate beef", and that legitimacy is likely increased if your wife is not choosing sobriety for herself... I travelled a path similar to yours, and found that I could not salvage my marriage, despite my best efforts.... I left (shortly after my ex-AW got sober, hopefully for the final time) almost 7 years ago.... With her sobriety, she earned her place back in the kids' lives as a good mother, and we now share our kids on a one week on, one week off scenario..... It is far from perfect, but the kids are healthy and happy, and it is our life today.... In the immortal words of my wise old sponsor - "it is neither good nor bad, it simply is"....
Not encouraging you to stay OR to leave - just reminding you that you always have choices....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
