Boyfriend just left my home - Al-Anon Family Group

JustJill · Member

Boyfriend just left my home

JustJill · Member

I meant to say Saturday he drank and Sunday he did not.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jill Welcome to MIP and to alanon recovery. You are not alone and the experience that you shared is very familar to many here.

Alcoholism is a disease and we who have lived with this disease become ill as well. We did not cause it , we cannot control it and cannot cure it.

We can find help for ourselves and the pain of living with the chaos created by this disease by :
atttending alanon meetings,. Help in finding meetings can be found athttp://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Meetings, sharing, focusing on yourself and your needs and wants, living a day at a time, learning to live and let live all help to create a positive living environment

Alateen meetings may be something you could suggest to your children . They might find this helpful as well

Most important you will find there is Hope and Help

Even if we are powerless over others and alcohol we find our center and learn to exert our energy where we can have a positive outcome

ON OUR OWN LIVES and Our OWN Emotional well being.

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 30th of August 2010 10:51:14 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Jill...I think you stopped that post just before mentioning a solution to the
situation. When I learned to say "not here" and make it un-negotiable it helped
to change the situation. Solutions are in the face to face rooms of Al-Anon for me
and many others but you gotta get there first. The hotline number for Al-Anon is
in the white pages of the local telephone book. Call and go and if a real person
answers the call...talk with them before you go. ((((hugs)))) smile

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Words of wisdom...
1 seems like you're spending a lot of time, energy and effort monitoring his behavior.
2 if you don't want to do something don't do it but don't hold it against someone else if you do something you don't want to do.
3 the kids are always innocent but I PROMISE you they see and know everything that is going on (see my thread about having my oldest daughter committed). They learn how to manipulate and get what they want using the same behaviors.
4 Get counseling, read a self help book, go to an Alanon meeting and get some support, the more you tell your story and hear it coming out of your mouth the more you begin to see what you are doing and hear how it sounds.

It is upon you to do what you can for yourself and your kids. Trying to control someone else is like trying to make the river flow up the mountain. All you can do is either ride the river the direction it is flowing or get out of the water and start walking on dry land in the direction you choose.

tlcate · Senior Member

Hello Jill,

Welcome to MIP! Appears you are in the right place.

Get some Al-Anon literature, attend meetings, work the steps. Your answers lie there. We are here to help, listen, love, and support along the way.

Please keep coming back.

Tricia

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Get the book offered at the top of this page.

Maresie.

JustJill · Member

What is the book called? Thanks!

tlcate · Senior Member

Getting Them Sober by Toby Rice Drews

JustJill · Member

Thank you for all the great posts. I was wasting a lot of time trying to contol the drinking. It is like pouring rain back into a cloud. Right too, I should not hold it againest someone for doing something I did not want to do. It just made me feel used once again. I need to be stronger in that area.

There is no update on him. He has not had contact with me since he left. I did email his mom to let her know what has been going on here. She said she has been talking to him, that he knows he has a problem, but doesn't need treatment.

Here is my reply to her:That is great that Bob is opening up to you and that he is well. Most of his drinking is done alone, we are not around a lot of people. He might really beleive that, but it is not true.

That you so much for replying and your prayers. It really helps.

Love you,
Jill

So that is it for now. Take care everyone!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.