The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got a call from my ex a little while ago. He says he's going out tonight and will pick up my 9 year old son in the morning for church, instead of picking him up tonight. Fine with me - I'd rather have my kid at home anyway!
But I couldn't help thinking that I hope he doesn't get hurt tonight going out. He had a second DWI two years ago and has been on probation with a breathalyzer thing on his car ever since. He just got the device off his car. I realize that I can't do anything about his choices - but I honestly felt irritation at him because I see him making the same bad choices over and over and wish he'd stop. I hope he doesn't get hurt or hurt someone else driving drunk.
I told my AH how I felt about it, and he said that alcoholism is sad - and it's sad that people can know that huge consequences (like, deportation if he gets a third DWI) are out there if they drink, but they still can't stop. I felt my irritation toward my ex melt away. It was a good reminder that, as much as I don't understand my ex's actions and I wish he would choose different choices, he is sick. Sometimes I forget that in my interactions with him.
This is why it's important for me to keep talking to others in the program and going to meetings. It is easy for me to slip back into old thinking. In my old thinking, alcoholics were people that lacked self control and the ability to make smart choices - not people that were physically, mentally, and spiritually sick.
Aloha Summer...what a great post. It made me think and remember what the lessons of the program are and were for me. I remember all the time that I needed to learn detachment and how that was such a healing miracle for me and I remember some of the special tricks I learned that use to open the door to detachment like when the alcoholic is exercises her will to drink and follows the compulsion into letting the disease go active I could also use that to act on detachment at the same time. It became a default whenever I am working with others or reacting to something that is going on anywhere that I have no control or real investment in. Old thinking was no thinking...I'd just react and instead of having just a mole hill in my yard the next second I'd be living on the slopes of a mountain. Thanks for your post and thank HP for Al-Anon. ((((hugs))))
I've certainly been there with the anxiety about watching someone drive drunk. I had to get into detachment to stop being a basket case. If they are in their addiction they can't hear the concern. Indeed that is part of the addiction isn't it, the not being able to see the consequences of their actions. I work with someone who has a DUI he is leaving in 2 weeks and even on that level I am glad he won't be around because I do have twinges of anxiety around him. I detach but crazy actions equal concern. You have a right to be concerned what you do with that is another matter. If it makes you ill you have to detach, focus on yourself and plough into al anon to not go crazy.
