The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't take it anymore. I have given it my all and then some for YEARS! I can no longer live with an alcoholic. I will give him the papers on Monday. I signed a lease to an apt ready to move in labor day weekend. I am praying that he allows me to leave with the kids. Thankfully, he doesn't drink during the daytime, so that's when I will handle everything.
I absolutely know it's the right thing to do. Why in the world do I feel so guilty???
I separated from the XA two years ago and filed for divorce, its not final because of certain issues, but its not important. We have been living apart and it has been so much better. It took me a long time to make that decision, but its been a long time coming. Looking back on the marriage and all the collatoral damage. I know I stayed too long. 26 years. I should have left a long time ago, but lacked the courage. I met this man when I was 37, he is my third. I am 64 years old, Its daunting to say the least to be a 64 year old woman, on her own. But I have my HP to guide me.
Well cant dwell on what I should have done. I dont feel guilty anymore. I felt guilty because I knew he had a disease and he didnt know how to cure it. He's lost. But Must I be.
His disease has hurt me over and over thru the years, not just by the drinking , but by his crazy behavior, I never knew what was coming next. cheating was one thing, but to bring children into the world while your married to another woman. The paramedics were at our house at least twice a week, there was never a moment of peace. I mean never. He has never been sober more than a week, in all those years. Plus, I just dont like being around an alcoholic and It is my right not to be if I dont want to. I dont have to explain anymore. You get the point and Im sure you have had similar experiences.
Its not easy to part, but its more difficult to stay.
Wishing you courage and strength at this time in you life. Live strong, Bettina
I myself am looking into a divorce. My soon to be ex is a liar and a cheater. He finally started in the program. I told him I still want a divorce. i will support him in his recovery, but that's as far I will go. I can't enable him anymore.
I hope everything goes alright for you. Good luck and God Bless!
Divorce is hard...I'd like to be but beside being absolutely raped financially, it would mean being apart from my daughter for at least 1/2 of every week. I need to be home to protect her from my wife's rages (not physically abusive, emotionally so) as much as possible. She's 9. I'm hoping in 5 years or so I can make a move but I've been advised I'd likely lose the house, and have to pay child support and maintenance to the wife who works little and never put a dime toward a bill in the house. Meanwhile she's no housewife either, I cook, clean and do laundry far more often than she. Anyway, I wish you luck with everything.
Greetings from Vancouver Island N; First I'd like to send you a defination of the word "HOPE". Holding On Pray Expectantly. That one always helps me. Then there's the three "C"s. I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, I can't Change it. We have to put ourselves "FIRST", and stop putting ourselves "LAST". Who knows about the future? We can only work on "TODAY" For today, I must take care of myself. (and the kids).
Plus, the AlAnon meetings are a "Medication" for our sickness. The more meetings I attend, the more I learn about myself, especially by completing the 12 steps.
Detaching with LOVE. (page 180 in Courage to Change) explains it good. Here's one for "C.H.A.O.S."...Can't Handle Another Overwelming Situation! Alcoholics love Chaos!
I am coming up to 4 years (next April) since I left the ex A. The transition is not an easy one. Please get support for yourself, give yourself a lot of rope and take it one day at a time. I'm still digging out. I may be digging out for years. I knew that and that is one reason I held off leaving.
Of course I will keep you and your dear children in my positive thoughts and prayers. I am sharing with you my positive energy to help you through this sad and difficult time.
When you begin to feel the guilt creeping in remember the three Cs. And focus on the new life you have planned for you and the kids. Head up, chest out, and march to a new and productive future.
I send you all best wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I must say I admire the courage shown by each one of you..
I have been married 3years and 8 months. I knew him for 3 years before that... things were always bad... we fight all the time over the silliest of things.. in the past 6 months i have refused to give in to every little thing and it has gotten worse.. every time we fight he takes off and goes out to party with his friends.. last month.. we had a fight and he just took off.. he didn't come back for 12 days.. and when he got back - not a word about the fight and why he took off.. it has been only 4 days since he's back- we had a fight yesterday again and to my surprise he didn't come home last night...
i have spent 6 years with him letting go of fights and being the one to make up.. I need to know.. when have I had enough? Is it too soon for me to consider a divorce? I am 25 years old.. I was married at 22.. and I don't know what to do..
Hi, In the Serenity Prayer we say: God grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, The courage to change the things we can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
Prayers are with you and your children. Those of us who have chosen to stay always wonder if we should have made the decision to leave or we just didn't have the courage to make that decision. I'm not sure.
