The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm sad about it...he managed to stay sober for 9 months. I'm happy that he is not here at our home though.
I don't know what's going to happen with him. If he manages to stop now, he may have a chance. If not, I believe he's going to kill himself.
I did ask someone to go by the apartment he's living in to make sure he was alive. He had drank a fifth of vodka, and was leaving to go to the store. They took his keys. God forbid he kills someone while driving drunk as a skunk.
One thing I do know...this program works. If this had happened a year ago, I would have been a mess, running around trying to figure out how to help him, rescue him, save him. Right now, my thought is to save myself.
I can do no more for my AH. I have turned him over to his Higher Power - the only one who can help him at this point. I have to separate myself from this confusion and chaos - and the way to do that for me is to separate myself from him.
No one gets married to break up and get divorced. I'm sad about that, but, I believe that's the best decision for me. I deserve to live a happy and peaceful life. I want that for myself. I want that for my AH too. But, I don't believe I'll every be happy and peaceful as long as he is a part of my life.
I hope and pray that he can recover from this. But, for now, I have to take care of me - and that's exactly what I intend to do.
There is nothing we can do for them. Im sure like me in the past you have tried it all. It is an excercise in futility.
The XAH jus two months ago almost bled to death. This past week he chose to drink again. I thought he would have died a long time ago. We know if we were doing the drinking we would be dead for sure. We can never say when there time is done here. They have their own HP and their own journey.
All I know is I will continue on my path and my journey and it will be as peaceful and creative as I can possibly make it. Im done with the negativity and the pain and suffering , Im not attached to it anymore. We have been apart two years and its been the most growth for me of my entire life.
Wishing you peace and tranquility on this journey called life.
Luv, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Thursday 26th of August 2010 10:31:24 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your AH, Stopandchat. This disease is so horrible.
I am glad to see that you're working your program and taking care of yourself. It gives me great inspiration to read your post and to know that the recovery for those affected by someone else's drinking works, and brings peace and serenity regardless of someone else's actions.
Prayers for you - you are doing a good job. Keep up the good work.
I think I have FINALLY accepted that there is nothing I can do for him. I've been there and done that - time and time again. If and when he decides he wants help, he knows where he can get it. I just hope he doesn't kill himself in the meantime.
I've heard it said from many a recovering alcoholic that using once you have been sober is a very different experience. Relapse for some seems to be part of the disease. I have my own relapse issues around behaviors and poor judgment.
I do know for most of my time with the alcoholic his needs, his actions were in the forefront. Moving them to another level took an incredible effort and focus. I know it sounds indifferent but getting to a place where what they do is not the be all and end all is so essential.
Your post reminds me my alcoholic brother who was a member of AA, but also a chronic relapser....He told me once it is no fun to have a gut full of beer and a head full of AA, it just doesn't work.
Our Higher Power works in such strange ways. We just never know. Keep taking care of you and hp will work out the rest.
