Can someone please explain Al-Anon to me in a nutshell? Preferably someone who's also in AA? - Al-Anon Family Group

FlyingSquirrel · Member

Can someone please explain Al-Anon to me in a nutshell? Preferably someone who's also in AA?

ESH · Senior Member

Acoholics Anonymous® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

Al-Anon (which includes Alateen for younger members) has been offering strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers. It is estimated that each alcoholic affects the lives of at least four other people... alcoholism is truly a family disease. No matter what relationship you have with an alcoholic, whether they are still drinking or not, all who have been affected by someone elses drinking can find solutions that lead to serenity in the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship.

-- Edited by ESH on Wednesday 25th of August 2010 10:32:34 PM

-- Edited by ESH on Wednesday 25th of August 2010 10:33:01 PM

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

From the faq's......

2. Q. What is Al-Anon? Is it for Alcoholics? What is the difference between Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous?

A. Al-Anon is for friends and relatives of Alcoholics, for people who you have been affected by someone elses drinking.

No, Al-Anon is not for Alcoholics, however, many Alcoholics also do attend Al-Anon for the same reason those who are not alcoholics do, because they also have been affected by someone elses drinking.

The fundamental difference between AA and Al-Anon is that AA is for people with a problem controlling their use of alcohol, while Al-Anon is for people who have a problem trying to control others use of alcohol.

ESH · Senior Member

Forgot to mention... I have attended open AA meetings, various Al-Anon meetings... but the BEST one that I ever attended was a Couples in Sobriety meeting. We had couples who were both alcoholics, and couples who had one alcoholic and one al-anon member. To me, it was the best of both worlds, and a real eye-opener for what each group was going through. I learned the most during the years I attended that wonderful, wonderful meeting.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Explain Al-Anon in a nut shell - interesting but I couldnt do it . all Iknow is that it has improved every part of my life today I know how to be a good mother , wife and friend the principles of this program have improved every relationship in my life . when I read your post the first thing that came to my mind was a speaker i heard yrs ago - a new commer asked her How does this Al-Anon thing work anyway ? she thought for a min and said I dont know how it works but i do know that if I ever figured it out I would have to change it . (nature of the beast) the Al-Anon
For me there has only been one major difference in our programs .
AA asks that the alcoholic begin to think of other people .
Al-Anon asks we think about ourselves for a change, we are our first priority ..

Slugcat · Veteran Member

HI flyingsquirrel I am in AA been there for a while, i am starting to attend Al-anon. SO i am new to it also and dont know much except I do like this idea of detachment. I am really sorry to hear about your wife I hope you find some peace in the rooms. tc

-- Edited by Slugcat on Thursday 26th of August 2010 04:59:49 AM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Flying Squirrel

I do believe that the main difference between the two programs is that AA main focus in on staying sober and not picking up that first drink. The steps and slogans and sponsership all stress the not drinking and go to meetings.

When I hit alanon meetings I was at an emotional bottom. I had lost ME and alanon tools were used to help me to let go of people pleasing, control and to find myself and my goals I believe that was the difference

I could not control my life , I was filled with fear, anxiety, I had lost my ability to trust Myself and others and was incomplete isolation. Alanon focused me on attending meetings, breaking the isolation.

When that was completed then I worked on finding myself (within. I was hidden under a ton of anger, resentment , self pity and fear. This took honesty, working the steps, letting go of all expectations of others. I also had to learn to focus completely on myself, make gratitude lists and pray and mediate daily. All this to restore me to sanity and to find myself

Alanon meetings state The "opinions expressed here are strickly those of the person who expressed them" :Take what you like and leave the rest. "

Good luck Please join us

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think its formidable that you are approaching the issue of do you qualify. That is such a huge step. Why not dip your toes in a little. You can try it out. One thing I would highly recommend is getting a hold of the book offered at the top of this page.

This board is a great way to try out the al anon program. Follow threads, watch people recover. Look at the tools they mention. Think about trying them out.

None of us come here in the best of shape. I don't know anyone who particularly wanted to come here. After a while we feel at home and feel trust, love and connection. I am very glad I got to al anon. I am not glad I've been subjec to so much dysfunction and craziness.

As my sponsor says anyone who is around an alcoholic suffers. When we have the tools of al anon the undertow is not so pronounced.

Welcome.

Maresie.

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

alanon made a lot more sense for me, after I got my copy of the book; 12 steps for adult children bc this book speaks directly to the issues of those of us that were raised in dysfunction/disease. Acoa's issues stem from childhood - so we really do have to address that within us, if we are ACoA. Most of the A's I ever knew, were raised by an addict/alcohlic themselves. We have to discover what a healthy relationship is - unlike people that had emotionally healthy childhoods with boundaries yet grew up to marry into the disease - they at least know what a healthy relationship ought to look like, they grew up with one.

I do think we all have issues and they turn into problems when you do not address them. I think A's can have codie issues, just like an enabler can. I can see how you trigger each other -but- its about owning your actions, reactions, feelings. You cant baby sit ur wife's program, she has to do it or not. Just like you have to work on your issues and unresolved feelings et cetera.

I did notice that when I pulled back from hawk watching them and get to work on me - I suddenly became more interesting and they wondered what I was up to.

I think if you dont face your issues/patterns you are doomed to repeat the same sort of relationship again. I know I did until I stopped looking out to be filled but surrendered and prayed a lot - did about a year's worth of forgiveness work too, that was a lot of healing, exhausting work -but it has paid off in my life tenfold already.

FlyingSquirrel · Member

maresie wrote:

One thing I would highly recommend is getting a hold of the book offered at the top of this page.

Which book?

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the book maresie is talking about is the book called; Getting them Sober by toby rice drews. She said at the top of the board page - as u see a sticky (permanent post) for FAQ's and offer of a free book in canadian guy's post.

mon123 · Veteran Member

I think AA freed my husband from the need to drink

Alanon freed me from the need to stop my husband from drinking.

His head had been hijacked by the demon that invaded his brain and stopped him from being able to think about much else.

My head had been hijacked by him and he invaded my brain and stopped me from being able to think about anything else.

Both sicknesses were ruining our lives and affecting everyone around us.

He had to learn to consider something other than himself

I had to learn to keep the focus on myself.

We are two ends of the same disease. Working these programs have enabled us to move towards eachother safely

and to stop trying to insist the other was at their end of the disease with them.

Its about letting go and learning to love without being toxic to the other.

I hope that is a nutshell description?

iddm

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.