I am so sorry for your sadness and your fear. Give him to his HP. Picture HP's arms lovingly around him and telling him he has to go through this. HP will take care of him while you take care of yourself. Try to get to a meeting soon and connect with people that can give you esh. You are not alone in this. I am the mother of an A and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I just try to think that when something bad happens to him that it puts him a little closer to his bottom. I will keep you and your son in thought and prayers today. It is not easy for anyone to deal with an A but when it is your child it is devastating.

Our son is on that downward spiral too and i share the worry and stress that goes along with this terrible illness, today I too am walking around in a daze of sadness and pain, but I know the drill, and I know that I cannot love him better, the only thing i can do is leave him lovingly for his higher power to take him by the hand, and guide him to his destiny, of that i have no control, the love doesn't stop for him though, the feeling of hopelessness too, but i am trusting this programme with all my faith that if I stand aside I am allowing natural consequences to intervene and save him, it would be so easy to just invite him home and  take back temparary control of him but thats all it would be temparary for he would just stay long enough to meet his own needs and be back out and at it, we have to stay strong to give give them hope too, it really is the only way.

((( moonchild )))

My prayers go out to you and your son. I pray he gets back into the program as soon as possible. I also have an son who is an addict so I totally relate to your fear and worry.
He is in HP's Loving hands now.
Blessings

Hello (((Moonchild)))
I read your post and felt lead to share my story with you in hopes it may help you in some small way.
My story is very much like yours however my son is a drug addict. Five years ago he told me he was a drug addict as he was calling me from jail..collect. and it became my entire mind set I worried myself sick and I do mean sick. I wound up in the hospital at 65 years old from stress..lost 40 lbs cause I couldnt eat or sleep. So I do know your pain and now my son who has been in recovery for over 3 years is back once again in jail. He says he hasnt slipped, he had an accident and didnt stop, he says he went back as soon as he could...Excuses....the truck stalded, I had to call my sponcor, I was scared I had killed someone...again excuses.......Clearly, he has missed something along the way in recovery.
Does this sound mean on my part? He too went to rehab in the beginning at the same place you spoke of, before that he lived on the streets, in a park, in someones pick up truck..and he was sure to call and tell me all this. and of course I continued to stress..He finished his rehab and went to live in a sober living house and stayed there for a year. During that year he grew in his program, found his higher power, and really began to change. during this time I came into alanon I thought to support him on his recovery..what a big suprise when I found out how sick I was. At that point I began to work on myself, my program, for me not my son.
Now here is what I really want to say to you....we as parents carry a different kind of concern for our sick adult children, but did you see the word."adult" ? they are not babies anymore, we cannot and should not try to fix them. We can only pray for them and offer support when we can, this does not mean money or a place to live, it means allowing them to find the person within themselves that HP wants them to be. If we continue to carry them as if they were infants, we are hindering there growth. I found that when my son went back to jail this time I started to feel the old oh my poor baby stuff..and then I got angry and felt that this should 'nt happen to me at 70 years old. Well, this is NOT about ME, this is my sons life and His journey,His recovery .. he must make it or not, and with his HP's help he can and so can your son. Rest in the knowledge that Hp has you as well as your son in his hands and as long as you continue to work your program for you, you can come thru this....may you be blessed with the awareness that we care and understand and Alanon and your higher power will see you thru anything if we just accept what is. You dont have to like it..You just have to accept it.....
Love in recovery, grammie