Expectations=Resentment - Al-Anon Family Group

Maize · Senior Member

Expectations=Resentment

movinforward · Member

Hi Maize,

I can relate to Expectations=Resentment. Thanks for the reminder or keyword, detachment. You will not be alone working on this particular topic, expectations are a daily struggle for me and al-anon definitely helps. Thank you for sharing.

Maize · Senior Member

You are welcome! I have learned to not "hope" for something. If I hope, I am placing an expectation on someone/thing. I can think positively, and put out positive energy, but can't sit around hoping.....I can pray for the right thing to happen, but not ask specifically for something to happen.... I can ask the Universe/HP to help me through situations that occur or that will occur but cannot hope that something does or does not happen.... Oh so much to think about

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Maize,

Until the addict decides to want to stop, he will hurt you and hurt you again. Thats what addicts do. We must educate ourselves on this beast they call alcoholism.

As far as prayer , I ask directly for what I want , you can pray for anything. The universe already knows your heart.

Luv, Bettina

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Maize,

I am reminded of what someone said about resentments here on MIP several years ago that stuck with me:

"At the end of the day only the person effected by resentments is the person holding them"

That's been a great help to me because now I don't allow someone else to control my serenity. RLC is the only person I have any control over. When I forget that.....I ask RLC to slowly repeat Step One.....substituting any word I choose to replace the word alcohol....and that gets my mind right again. LOL.

I loved your post.

HUGS,
RLC

Maize · Senior Member

I know that I can pray for what I want, and I do on occasion. I have learned though to not EXPECT my HP to give me what I ask for. It may not be the right thing for me in my life right now :) Everything is in my HP's hands so to speak :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Maize...What a growth spurt!! You've been working your program very well and
watch more miracles come. A while back you did not have these awarenesses and
wisdoms...celebrate another gratitude. Reading your post was very calming and
assuring. It is as if I am back in the early meetings and one on ones with my elder
sponsors. And the follow thru is that you have come back to give it away to others.
Now I am grateful!!   My "stepmother" lessons; I learned to step up for myself to
exercise the courage to say, "what you say and how you say it to me is hurtful so I
will keep my self away from it." (like you know...don't say it mean). Another way
I use to say it was, "I don't allow others to talk to me like that. I don't talk to others
that way". (again not mean) and then I would keep my self away from it. Stay away
for longer periods of time if they use to continue it and/or leave altogether if it didn't
stop. The program taught me that one of the changes I needed to make for my life
was to keep my self from negative threatening conditions and not to use them to
cause me to make things worse.   I like that lesson and the one you have brought
home is one of it's roots.    Mahalo and (((((hugs))))) smile

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes , because sometimes the answer is no. I pray for my happiness and everyone elses and for the A to stand up on his own and overcome his weakness's .

Thats all we can hope for.

-- Edited by Bettina on Tuesday 24th of August 2010 01:49:27 PM

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I know one of the reasons I was with the ex a was that reality was not my forte. When I look at the illusions I grabbed onto with him I am aghast!

I really have to watch my expectations especially of myself. I also have to work to be right here in reality rather than off on some poor me riff or if only....

I lived, ate, slept and breathed resentment against the ex A. It was a long hard road for me to give that up. Some of it was working on detaching, other wise it was really about focusing on myself and what I needed to do next. I could still find myself slipping up. Sometimes I do indeed have to detach in anger but I do detach now rather than flail around in rage and immolate myself to ashes.

maresie.

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

Great post. It is amazing that longer a person is in this program and working it, the more it works in every aspect of our lives. It is quite a miracle! smile

Maize · Senior Member

Thank you all for your kind responses!
Jerry, thank you! I did ok last night, my dad and step mom came by for a suprise visit to see my new apartment. I had a panic attack the whole time waiting for them to arrive. When they got there, I was kind and showed them around, but made it clear before they came over that I was about to feed my kids supper and wouldn't have a lot of time to talk. That was enough hint I guess, they came and went in 20 minutes! HA! I am def. learning....
Thanks all!

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

I have learned that I can have hope without having expectations.
When I first entered the program I didn't understand the difference between the two.
My hopes always turned into expectations which inevitabily led to disappointment.
I cannot expect my active A son to act like anything but what he is and that is an addict.
But I can always have hope that he will find his HP and get on the road to recovery.
Differenciating ( spelling) the difference between hope and expectaion was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn in this program.
Blessings

Maize · Senior Member

Xeno, Thanks

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