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I put my adult son out of my mother's house about 9 weeks ago because of all the reasons you have to go to such an extreme.
He made his way back and got into her house last night, today I went up there to check on him and he looks like h#ll. I have never, in the last ten years of drug abuse, seen him so thin and he is so weak his voice is barely above a whisper.
I can't get him to go into rehab because he refuses to go and to tell you the truth I don't think he would last as long as it would take to find one, but tomorrow I am going to pick him up and tell him I am taking him for a ride, but I am going to take him out of town to a motel and try to get him better physically and mentally. He is going to die if something isn't done.
I know this maybe a desperate move, but I don't know what else to try.
I thought putting him out without any help from the family would give him a wake up call but it seems to have backfired on me.
Has anyone here thought of doing something like this or has done it?
I would not say it backfired, he became desperate and sick enough to want to get back in your home. It is another bottom. I saw withdrawl many times on my fairly healthy xah. It is painful and can cause many physical problems, some that can become life threatening. I would suggest an emergency room or perhaps even some type of agency that may be able to hold him with or without permission that can provide medical care. Keeping you and yours in my prayers.
The very best thing I've ever done was to call the professionals mostly thru 911 asking for medical assistance and then stood back and let them handle it. He is a very sick person and that is what they respond to. If you don't have the expertise and knowledge the whole thing might just backlash on you and him also.
I tried alot of stuff to help the alcoholics and alcoholic/addicts in my life...ended up repeating over and over and over "I am powerless and..."
I am so sorry that your son is this ill and do understand your deep concern and the need to do something.
I agree with Jerry, calling the professional by dialing 911 works best. They have been trained to handle these issues and can do so in a supportive, compassionate , detached matter.
I also know that in NY, unless the patient calls for help and is willing to go the professional will not force them . If the patient is unwilling to go to the hospital then the medical professionals cannot take them.
I think your best bet is talking to your son and make the offer of calling for medical attention so that he would recieve meds for his condition and could begin his recovery.
I have been desperate enough to go with my son to the doctor and a neice who is an RN We received the RX for the detox meds, my niece stayed over for 5 days to be the administerator of the meds and we all did this for 5 days
My son cooperated for 5 days. Looked great, was eating on then on the 5 th day began drinking a quart of Jack Daniels again.
My husband tried to detox at home and ended up in convulsions, They were very frightening. I then needed to call 911 . He needed meds and to be hospitalized.
I needed to try and try before I surrendered and truly believed I was powerless!
I will pray for the success of whatever action you decide to take .
Please know you are not alone.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 23rd of August 2010 12:11:32 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 23rd of August 2010 12:14:11 AM
Detoxing is very dangerous ,he could go into seizures , halucinations - and worse you could get hurt .. even if you get him clean no guarantee he will stay that way . this is dangerous please think twice before you proceed. LOUISE
I understand how hard this is!! Hospitals in my State MUST treat a patient without concern to their ability to pay. I know that once a patient is admittted, the Social Worker can and will work with them to apply for "Charity Care" or Medicaid so that the bill can be paid.
AA or NA would be able to make some suggestions and come to talk to your son
AA in NYC also has a Hospital Hot Line. If you called there they would attempt to secure a bed in a local detox.
(((DreamsOver))) I hear you, loud and clear. The pain of watching this addiction and their downfall is heart wrenching. I can tell you what I did the last time with my AH when he was out of control. I don't really know how I managed to do it, I'm still amazed that I did. Hx: AH had been through 3 previous rehabs. Could do approximately 2-3 months sober and then "fall off the wagon". AH had been on a 2-3 week bender and it was bad. I had decided about 2-3 days into it, that this was it. I was NOT going to enable or provide any aid to him at all. After almost 2 1/2 weeks, I went on a weeks vacation with my sister. This vacation had been planned months before and I felt I had to go. (It was PURE h#ll to walk out that door) but I felt I HAD to do it. I explained to him before I left, that I loved him and I didn't think he was going to make it this time. I put our dogs in a kennel for the week. I told him that he knows what he needs to do if he wants to save himself and live. I reminded him that he is responsible for himself, I can't control him, cure him, etc... I also told him that if it is his choice to die, that I would respect his wishes, but I couldn't/wouldn't stay and watch it. And then I kissed him and walked out the door (and cried for about an hour driving away). He called his sponsor and our daughter the next day and went to detox and rehab. He did make it. Being gone was horrible. It was one of the worst weeks of my life, but I felt that it had to be done for him to truly hit his "bottom". Just remember, that withdrawal without proper medication, treatment, and monitoring can be life threatening.
I am in no way telling you what to do. I am only explaining to you what I did. Take what you like and leave the rest. I will pray for you and your son.
Can't tell ya how many times I have had to call 911 for my son,,,he also has no money or insurance so yes when he gets money he will have to pay for those visits but at the time they were nessarry. He was usually to weak or to high to refuse treatment. Unfortunatly I was not able to convince the hosp staff that he needed rehab or another mental facility as once my son would sober up and feel better he was outta there. But I know all to well what is is like to watch your child waste away right before your eyes and be powerless to stop it. You and your son will be in my prayers Blessings
I would agree that trying to detox someone on your own is pretty precarious. There are detox units all over the place, some of them are a bit seedy but they do know what they are doing and generally have some medical staff around. I know people, neighbors who are actively drinking themselves to death. I work around people who are drinking to excess. We all deal with it. The grief, anger and pain is enormous. I don't think that your strategy actually backfired. Some A's have a very low bottom. At some point they will ask for help. I do think they have to ask rather than have someone try to get them to do it. After all they are adults.
You are in the right place coming here. There is a wonderful book offered at the top of this page, Getting them Sober. I would highly recommend it. The author also has a website which has some expert advice and strategies.
AA can help him. Call your local AA service center and explain. They will be able to help. They have channels that you don't. They have seen the worst and been able to help. That is what they do. You don't need money or insurance for AA. Please stop worring if your son will accept AA or not. Just call AA and see, just see what they can do to help you. If the service center can't help, go to an open AA meeting and scout out someone who can give you the help and support you are seeking.
Detoxing on his own could be deadly. An ER has to admitt him for a detox period. Try AA, try the ER, the help is out there and your HP knows it. Let go and let God....
One alcoholic can win the confidence of another in just a few short hours. The same is true with addicts. The idea of taking him to a motel out of town can be very dangerous, both to you and your son. AA and NA both are aware of programs and resources that can help. As Lois Wilson found out, family members are usually the last ones able to reach the alcoholic or addict in a way that will get them to listen. Unfortunately, it is a true statement, "Sometimes Love is not Enough". I pray you choose to call AA or NA first. They will do a 12 step call and meet with your son, if he is at least willing to talk with them. May God Bless
