The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The Al-Anon program teaches me, I am responsible for: How I feel, and what I need and want, and my happiness. I do this with the help of a Power Greater than myself. I respectfully call PG for short. I've been taught "In order to keep what I have-I have to give it away." So I'd like to share my experience about responsibilities. Giving away what I have been given continues the miracle of HOPE in this great fellowship.
During the 40 years I was married to my former husband, an actively drinking alcoholic whom I married at eighteen, I took care of every single thing for him. The bookkeeping paying our bills, bought his clothes, tried in vain to do all of his thinking! The major things I could not do for him were: get him to change or go to his job and work for him!
When I reached my final bottom and divorced him, he moved close to me, about 2 blocks away in an apartment, and continued wanting to make me feel responsible to take care of him. After we were divorced for a few years, I had a mind opening experience one day. I was leaving for a convention with Paul my sober alcoholic husband now, and I ran down to the market to pick up a few things... I thought. I parked my car, and noticed a lady backing up and honking her horn at a man standing, weaving back and forth on his feet. I yelled at her, "something is wrong with that man. Let me check." To try to make this briefer, I found my former husband almost dying on a hot parking lot at the market in 110 degree heat in the shade ... there was no shade. If he had made it back to the truck, I am sure-he would have died in there that day. ** This was the wake up call my sponsor had prayed for. One final time, my PG arranged for me to help the alcoholic and arranged for me to just "Happen to be there." There are no coincidences in my life experiences. I called the paramedics for him. When they asked for his next of kin, I told them, *I am I guess, but we are divorced.* They looked at each other with a puzzled look. Then they told me I was not responsible for him since we were divorced; they wanted his next of kin ... his daughters... that was the wake-up call I needed to hear and my sponsor had been praying for. Guess what Mary-Glen, you are NOT responsible for him any longer! He spent about a month in the hospital and then my daughters moved him to an assisted living home in California where we used to live. He is still alive, but his brain has been damaged by all of the alcohol.
I was finally free of the burden of being tied to an active alcoholic and obsessing about HIS problems. I was free to live my own life for the first time in my life. "Don't try to push anyone but yourself is one of our "Do's and Don'ts" list. I have learned in the program also ... there IS a difference between taking care of a dependent child and feeling responsible for an adult child who refuses to grow up and accept responsibility. And this includes my former husband!
I have been married to a 30 year sober alcoholic for ten years now. When Paul goes into a "down" mood or something is physically hurting him, I have to step out of the way and let God help him. Nothing I do or say will keep him from drinking if he ever wanted to. So I am learning to "detach." He is only one day away from the bottle and I am only one day away from my old insane behavior and reactions, if we don't work our programs. An acronym for DETACH ... courtesy of Mickey Bush,Don't Even Think About Changing Him/Her.* Smile. ** With Al-Anon hugs, Mary-Glen Scot, author of the E book, Awakening to the Power Within about some of my experiences in working the program. Now living on the beautiful, mystical island of Maui.
Aloha Mary...Seems like your PG could finally trust you to do the next right thing...call the paramedics and to have them help you understand...No you are not the next of kin!! How similar our journeys are in learning while attending to our own recovery. Higher Power attends and always did and I had to come to that understanding that even when I would deny that was happening and rail against it; I was wrong and I was deaf and I was blind. I am powerless makes me only a piece of the solution along with many other appropriate others and often my only task is to make the call and hold the door open when they arrive and let my HP orchestrate the process.
To come to the understanding of making decisions from a center of compassion and understanding rather than from self dillusional power, control and manipulation. I keep in mind my meditation focus 24/7...God is, as I am being a part of this living stage play.
I am grateful to have been led here in Al-Anon and all of the instruments of my HP's will who picked up and refit the pieces of me so that I could arrive at where and for how I was created. Mahalo Nui Akua e Al-Anon Ohana...H`o maika`i.
(((((hugs)))))
From Hilo, a keiki o` ka aina.
The hawaiian language useage is not to impress...it is the language of my spirit which was created here.
