Dag-nab-it!  I am so sorry it did not work out but it sounds like you are in a good place spiritually right now.  Come here Ill give you a hug ((Never Going Back)).  It is their loss.  I hope you keep coming back here.

I can only speak for my home group, when a newcomer walks through the door several members will greet the newcomer making them feel immediately welcome. We ask if they would like a cup of coffee, bottle of water are a cola. Each month we have a different member who is designated to give the newcomer a welcome package of pamphlets, explain how we start the meeting, about reading the steps and traditions so they will feel more comfortable when the meeting starts. We decided to do this some three years ago.

We want every newcomer who walks through the doors to feel welcome, accepted, loved, and immediately a part of our Al-Anon family. As a matter of fact someone will usually smile and tell the newcomer that we are all like family dealing with similar problems and we are always here for each other.

Most of the time the newcomer is smiling before the meeting starts, if not, 9 times out of 10 they are when they get their HUGS as they are leaving and asked to keep coming back.

Our goal is to always make the newcomer feel welcome.

HUGS,
RLC

P.S. The program chairperson always mentions that the our meetings last approximately one hour, but we always have a meeting after the meeting where members are there if anyone has anything on their mind they need to talk about.












-- Edited by RLC on Tuesday 17th of August 2010 01:15:13 PM

Aloha Denise...(((((hugs)))))  Sometimes, not often, personalities and attitudes get
stuck and when they do not much help and support come from it.  I've been to meetings
and around cliques and was glad to have been given the slogan "Take what you
like and leave the rest" cause it gave me permission and support and hope.  I did
way more than 8 meetings when I started so I had much more experience with
different people and different meetings and could get the mix and make a decision
from that.  With the experience and support I was also able to "found" other
meetings which greatly increased the potential of Al-Anon to reach out to others
in more places and more of the time.  Those new comers you greeted at the door
had more support and a great ability to recover and then pass it on to others
themselves.  The 12th step meditation and the Al-Anon declaration "Let it begin
with me..." is a major part of my recovery today.  It wassn't about the alcoholic and
it isn't about others...it's about me and for me I am responsible.  Today if I don't
like how something is going in my recovery world I run it thru the filter of the
Serenity Prayer, the declaration and the "Servants Prayer" ...Lord make me an
instrument of thy peace...   I pray you have found and are using a sponsor because
alone I am completely powerless.    Keep coming back to MIP  (((((hugs)))))

What an unfortunate experience.

I'm going to throw a few things out there for your consideration, although I know you've said you're not going back.

If you choose to go back, you may want to consider finding out if the group holds a regular business meeting. Suggest a group conscience or even possibly a group inventory be conducted and let them know your experience.

Reach out to the District or even Area groups. In essence, each geographical location of groups is broken down to be housed (for lack of a better word) under specific Districts, which are then housed under specific Areas. You might want to call your local Al-Anon outreach number and find out when the next District Meeting is. This is a meeting attended normally by GRs (Group Representatives), the DR (District Representative), and other Al-Anon members who've taken a keen interest in SERVICE - and welcoming and supporting newcomers is a primary focus of SERVICE. You may want to bring your concerns about this group to the District Meeting. You may exit with some great ideas - you may even pique the interest of some of these service members who just might decide for themselves to drop by the group and gauge it... possibly even start taking an active role in it. Who knows?

Another thing you could do, which sounds like your community could really use it, is to start your own meeting. There are no rules saying you must be active in the program for "x" years, etc. in order to start a meeting. All you need to do is recognize the need for a meeting and start one up. You may be attending this meeting by yourself for a while, but eventually, they will come, and if you stick to the Service Manual (something you'd receive if you start a group), then you could very well establish a healthy group that welcomes newcomers and doesn't fall into the clique pit.

Here's a link to a PDF on the steps for starting a registered Al-Anon group:
http://www.ga-al-anon.org/How%20to%20Start%20an%20Al-Anon%20Group.pdf

More contact information can be obtained at: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

I understand as a newcomer, however, that service is one of the last things that may be on your mind - like starting a meeting or approaching the current group.

I admire your efforts to try to see if it could work for you.

Personally speaking, as a GR this situation really makes my skin crawl. I don't like unhealthy groups because they can get to being just as dysfunctional as the home situation for many people - I want to feel SAFE when I attend a meeting, and I only really feel safe when I know other members - especially newcomers - feel safe and welcome.

My home group is actually in the process of taking a Group Inventory. I brought up my own concern that our group's numbers have stayed small and it worries me about the health of our group - and your situation makes me wonder if our newcomers aren't experiencing the same thing when they come to our meeting. I won't go into details, but when it was announced mid-month at the end of our regular meeting that we're in the process of taking a group inventory, there was an outburst from one of our members about it... kind of tells me that there are some DEFINITE issues going on. I don't know if our group's going to improve or not with the group inventory, but at least we're trying.

Best of luck to you in whatever path you choose.

Never, I too am sorry you had that bad experience. For four years I went to two mtgs per week, and one was very comfy and the other often felt like punishment. I hope you can either start a new group or get to the other meeting as often as possible. Good luck!

wp

Oh wow. They say we open meetings and Higher Power closes them.
If a meeting is following the step program and the traditions this sort of thing just wouldn't happen.
Principles above personalities...

Its a good suggestion to open your own meeting. I've just managed to do that. Not because a meeting was bad at all but there was a need in the area. I had someone to help me. Experienced members are needed really to take the 3 main service roles .... GR, Secretary and treasurer.
We copied the format of a succesful group and then left it to Higher power.
Local groups supported our numbers to begin with.

We now have a regular 10 members sometimes more.
Really good experience for personal growth.

I'm really sorry you've had a bad experience. At least you have here though. Its those newcomers who didn't come back I really feel sorry for....

mon

Hi
I hope you don't mind me sharing on this again.

Whats come into my mind is the fact that I was going to a meeting.... a good meeting.
But there were things happening at that meeting which I wasn't comfortable with.

One of our slogans is .....let it begin with me....

There are guidelines which all groups must follow. The traditions for instance.

Every group SHOULD have regular conscience meetings. This is where to bring up things that we're not happy about.
These can be anonymous. Written or typed and left in clear view for the GR or secretary to find. Maybe in an envelope marked 'conscience meeting'

Maybe this group isn't aware of the issues you are not comfortable with?

When we come to Alanon we are all trying to control our lives and not doing it very well.
We become judgemental and reactive.
Irritable and unreasonable without knowing it....

A major part of the recovery journey is to recognise our own behaviours and to stop looking for fault in others.

There sounds like there are some issues with the group from what you've said.... but these maybe being taken out of context because our own lack of real knowlege of the situation the group finds itself in. When I lack recovery I only look for the negative in others and situations I don't fully understand????

Changed attitudes aid recovery

I wonder what would happen if you were to deliberately ONLY look for the positives this groups can offer???

Newcomers do come and go. Many look at alanon when they ar not yet ready to listen. They take literature and hopefully come back when they are ready.

Listening is what Alanon is about. Listening to others experience, strength and hope.

An Alanon group is there for our own individual recovery. Its not good to actively try and change them...no one is in charge...but unity is so important is the group is going to be successful.
Unity is about everyone.....even the newcomer....being heard.
The group belongs to ALL who attend.

Is there any way you can consider helping (not controlling or changing) the group to see the problems you see at a conscience meeting....for the benefit of all????
It might also help you feel like an active part of the group.
It maybe that what you first percieved you begin to see in a different way. Every member of Alanon is in recovery. Maybe you caught people at a bad time. Maybe they really do have major issues and can't see them through their own pain and problems.

In our new group hearing the newcomers view point is really welcomed. They come in fresh and see what we don't. Its amazing what I can take for granted. It catches me out all the time.
Together we grow....

It seems such a waste to dismiss an active group when its the only one in the area.
The group I was having issues with is now somewhere I can find serenity. I gave it a break and came in fresh. I find our new group stressful at times because its where I do service. I can find I don't have time after meetings talking to new ones because I'm discussing finances or the next district meeting, or issues with Alateen. I'm distracted. The group I struggled with has become my oasis of recovery just for me.

You mentioned there is another group a distance away. Being members of 2 very different groups is brilliant. Its good to bring the positives of one group to another that is struggling.

You can find all sorts of info about the guidelines groups follow from the Alanon web site.

Just a suggestion
Mon